UPJOKE
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Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,
The earth lay cool and still
When suddenly a tiny bird
Perched on my window sill,

He sang a song so lovely
So carefree and so gay,
That slowly all my troubles
Began to slip away.

He sang of far off places
Of laughter and ...

I wrote a poem.

I dig.

You dig.

She digs.

He digs.

They dig.

We dig.


Now I know it's not a very good poem, but it's pretty deep.

A Drunk's Poem

Starkle, starkle, little twink,

Who the hell you are I think.

I'm not under what they call

The alcofluence of incohol.

I'm not drunk as thinkle peep,

I'm just a little slort of sheep.

Tee martoonis make a guy

Fool so feelish, don't know why. ...

A poem

A fisher was fishing a bass

The water came up to his knee.



Strange, it rhymed this morning when there was high tide.

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A poem about positive thoughts

Little little bird in the sky

You look up it shits in your eye

You don’t weep you don’t cry

You thank god that cows don’t fly

High Quality Poem

Error 404

Your Haiku could not be found

Try again later

American version of Poems

All Around The Mulberry Bush
The Monkey Chased The weasel
the monkey stopped to load his glock
***POP!*** Goes the weasel.....

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The Penis Poem–by Willie Nelson

My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out.

What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.

Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring.

But now I’ve got a full time job,
To find the gosh darn thing.

It used to be embar...

A Valentines Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...

What do you call a stoned poem that attempts to overthrow the government?

A high coup

I'm compiling a book of poems by felons.

I'm going to call it "Prose and Cons".

Poem

Haikus are easy

But sometimes they don’t make sense

Refrigerator

What's a 3 line poem that overthrows a government?

A Hai-coup

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Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

A poem, with a title at the end

Darkness, silence, cool serene morning
Daybreak not yet piercing the shades
Crackling, popping, cut through the nothing
Shoulders tense, poised for responding
Electricity in fibers, pushing up against gravity
Hands sinking inward, but head rising lightly
Head tossed sideways and ey...

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

His poems weren't always first rate,

His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,

Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

Address to a Tumble Dryer — a poem

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

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My poem about a heavy metal band's best album is being read on British radio

ABCB on ACDC's ace CD on BBC

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A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

Chemistry Poem

Oxygen U played Hydrogen Tech and the game had just begun,

when Hydrogen racked up two quick scores while Oxygen still had none.

Then Oxygen scored a single run and thus it did remain,

at Hydrogen 2, Oxygen 1, called because of rain.

What do you call a religious fish poem?

A Psalmon.

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

A poem for our times...

It's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.

A poem

Help me, I am trapped!

In a Haiku Factory!

Hurry, before they-

I've written a poem

This comment has been overwritten and deleted forevermore by the user in response to the API changes June 2023.

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A poem (Nsfw)

There once was a gal from Cancun,

Who had a most curious poon.

T'was coarse like a thistle,

But tight as a whistle,

And whilst cumming, could play you a tune.

A poem for you guys

I call it Panties at an Old Folks Home.

Rose's are red
Violet's are blue
Beatrice's are green

Poem

I'm gonna take a moment, so sit and reflect.

Gonna sit here and jot down, before I forget.

Take a second to think of all the things I've felt

My feelings are such a crazy thing to examine

Horse man, got a long a face

To look at the steps that can't be traced
...

A little poem

I dig...
You dig...
We dig...
He dig...
She dig...
They dig...

It may not be the best poem, but atleast it´s deep.

A mini poem:

Little birdy, flying high,
Drops a present from the sky,
Farmer says, wiping his eye,
Thank the Lord my pigs don't fly!

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The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

A Max Miller Poem

I like the girls who do, I like the girls who don't, I

like the girls who say they will, And then decide they won't.

But the girls I like the most of all, And I know you'll think I'm right,

Are the girls that say they never will, But look as though they might!


...

Roses are red, this poem is crass,

Why on earth,
Is my g-spot up my ass?

A short poem about women's underwear...

> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
>!Heather's are green.!<
~Lee Mack


EDIT: added spoiler for 37% better delivery.

"An Ode to Reddit," a poem by me.

We’ve all seen the joke that’s been goin' 'round Reddit,

The one with lame puns about “spreddit” and “shreddit.”

People assume that we’ll somehow forgeddit,

and then they repost it and act like they seddit.

We—the people—assume that they’ll eddit it,

find the origi...

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

Poem

I'm writing my girlfriend a poem.

What rhymes with "your sister's better"?

There was once a poem contest...

Contestants were supposed to use the word **Timbuktu** in their poem. All contestants gave their best poems but then came along the priest and his poem was

*All along through my life*


*i had no children and had no wife*


*I read the Bible through and through*


*...

A poem

I dig.

You dig.

It dig.

We dig.

She dig.

They dig.

It’s not a good poem, but it is deep.

(Reposted from r/funny because I did post it there first and do not know if it belongs here better)

A beautiful poem indeed

Roses are red
Violet's are blue
I stopped using blizzard
And you should too

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

Autocorrect Inspired Poem

It means no worries

For the rest of your days

Haiku na Mattatta

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I read a poem about masturbating and crying simultaneously

It was a tear jerker

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A guy and girl had sex poem competition

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."


Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

Timbuktu (NSFW)

Two best friends, Dave and Tim, died in a car accident and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the gate and said "sorry, there's only room for one of you." The two friends were unsure on how to proceed, so St. Peter made them an offer.

"I will give you both one word and who ever makes up the bes...

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

I don't know why people hate Communism; In fact, I wrote a nice poem about it!

*H*appiness all around
*E*veryone is free
*L*ove fills the air
*P*eople are unbound

*M*aybe you should consider
*E*quality for All

If you want to know more, just send a letter to me. If I don't reply soon, I might be away *intermittent*ly on a nice *camp*ing trip ...

Shakespeare died on same day as Billy Bub, and are at the pearly gates.

(I heard this joke around 1980, so I can't claim ownership)

St. Peter at the pearly gates says, "I'm busy, so I'm considering 2 admissions at a time. Tell me a good poem using the word 'Timbuktu'. Whoever has the better poem gets in."

Shakespeare smiles broadly and says, "I am a great ...

Dog Poem

I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.

My chemistry teacher wrote me a heartfelt chemistry poem:

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

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A Valentine’s Day Poem, by Stevie Wonder

Roses are black,
Violets are black,
I can’t see shit,
Fuck.

My Poem to you

Roses are 0xff0000
Violets are 0x0000ff
return(SUCCESS);

“This poem doesn’t rhyme.”

Dude about to make haikus:

“Oh haven’t you heard?”

What is a pigeon’s favorite poem?

A hai-coo

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A priest and a shepherd...

... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
...

I also wrote a poem, too, too

I feel.

You feel.

He feels.

She feels.

They feel.

We feel.

I know I'm not a great poet, but I've been told this is very touching.

A poem for Valentine's Day

Love is the fart of every heart, for when held in it pains the host, but when released pains others most.

My husband has been very romantic lately..

.. but I don't understand why he always signs his poems with "regenerate answer".

The Farmer and his Daughters

Now once there was a farmer, and daughters he had five,
And each of them was waiting for their first date to arrive.
Their boyfriends all would tell him how they would have their fun.
If the farmer didn't like it, he'd shoot them with his gun.

So the first guy knocked on the do...

Is this a very old joke?

A Greek lands on a beautiful uninhabited island and writes a poem about it.

A Roman finds another beautiful island devoid of people and he builds a statue to himself there.

A Celt finds yet a third island with no people and starts a fight.

**I just thought of a variant:**
...

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A poem I read to my gf while proposing

Roses are Red

Today is the Day

Plot Twist

I'm Gay

Man 1: This poem is so badly written. I don't even know what it says.

Man 2: That's the verse part of it!

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The seven wise men poem (nsfw)

7 wise men with knowledge so fine,
They created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, smart with wit,
by using a knife he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor tall and thin,
wi...

Shortest four-line poem I can think of

Not sure where else to post it. If you can read it, it doesn't apply to you.

YYUR
YYUB
URN
YY2ME

A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue".

My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...

It can only be read if you scan it first.

It's a bark ode.

I ALSO wrote a poem!

''I do drugs, you do drugs, we do drugs, they do drugs''
Now, I know it's not the best, but it's pretty dope.

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Best Love Poem Ever? Worked For Me.

Roses are red,

Nuts are brown,

Mouths are wide open

It's the best in town

Girls really love it,

It isn't a sin

So when it goes stiff,

Stick it in.

It goes in dry and comes out wet.

The longer its in the stronger it gets.

...

My analogies are like the world’s best crafted poems

Terrible

what do you call a good poem about clay?

true pottery

I was looking through my late Grandfather’s things and found an old poem he’d written for my Grandma. It read:

Roses are red, Violets are blue
I’ve got Alzheimer’s, cheese on toast.

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What's the difference between an expert in five line poems and an expert in eating anus?

One will give you a limerick

The other will give your rim a lick.

A poem for r/Jokes

"Roses are grey.

Violets are grey.

I am a dog."

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I'm writing a poem about the first time I masturbated.

Can someone think of something that rhymes with, "I was taken away by an ambulance"?

I present to you the world's shortest poem, entitled "Fleas".

Adam had'em.

Roses are Red - Good poem for your ex's

Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.

Preparing my wedding vows in the form of a poem...

What rhymes with "the way you shake that ass?"

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

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Here's a beautiful poem from the depths of the internets. [NSFW]

There was once a beautiful lass.

Who had a magnificent ass.

Twas not perky nor pink as you'd probably think

It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

Most Star Trek fans aren't big into poetry, so I knew that writing and publishing a book of Trek-themed poems would be risky but rewarding.

The project had its prose and Khans.

What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

the ultimate pick up poem as told by my drunk father

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I've got a gun,
Get in the van

What do you call part of a poem written by a Seinfeld character?

A George Costanza.

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