A viral poem...

The plauge was rats,

COVID was the bats,

I'm sensing a pattern,

*sideways glancing at my cats*

A poem

A fisher was fishing a bass

The water came up to his knee.



Strange, it rhymed this morning when there was high tide.

There was a poem contest somewhere in Australia. The two finalists priest and a shepherd. For the final competition they both have to write a short poem that ends on Timbuktu.

The priest starts out with the following:

>I was a priest for all my life.
>
>I had no children and no wife.
>
>I read the bible through and through
>
>on my way to Timbuktu.

He received a good amount of applause, but in the end the sh...

Chemistry Poem

Oxygen U played Hydrogen Tech and the game had just begun,

when Hydrogen racked up two quick scores while Oxygen still had none.

Then Oxygen scored a single run and thus it did remain,

at Hydrogen 2, Oxygen 1, called because of rain.

American version of Poems

All Around The Mulberry Bush
The Monkey Chased The weasel
the monkey stopped to load his glock
***POP!*** Goes the weasel.....

I wrote a poem about Saturn...

it's not very good, but it does have a ring to it.

What's a 3 line poem that overthrows a government?

A Hai-coup

I was looking through my late Grandfather’s things and found an old poem he’d written for my Grandma. It read:

Roses are red, Violets are blue
I’ve got Alzheimer’s, cheese on toast.

Wanna hear a poem?

I dig.
You dig.
He dig.
She dig.
They dig.
We dig.


It's not much but its pretty deep.

A poem for our times...

It's not the cough that carries you off. It's the coffin they carry you off in.

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

There Once Was A Poet Named Bates,

His poems weren't always first rate,

His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,

Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line.

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

A poem

In days of old

When Knights were bold

And toilet lights were dim

You'd hear a splash and then a shout

'Oh no! He's fallen in'

A bunch of hippies just overthrew the government, smoked weed, and read a poem.

It was a high coup.

Man 1: This poem is so badly written. I don't even know what it says.

Man 2: That's the verse part of it!

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A poem (Nsfw)

There once was a gal from Cancun,

Who had a most curious poon.

T'was coarse like a thistle,

But tight as a whistle,

And whilst cumming, could play you a tune.

There was once a poem contest...

Contestants were supposed to use the word **Timbuktu** in their poem. All contestants gave their best poems but then came along the priest and his poem was

*All along through my life*


*i had no children and had no wife*


*I read the Bible through and through*


*...

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A black man walks into a restaurant..

There is a huge sign on wall that says "Colored People Not Allowed."

The man takes a seat and a white man comes over in a hurry and says, " Excuse me son, we don't serve colored people in this restaurant. Im going to have to ask you to leave."

The black man smiles, looks at the white m...

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Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

A beautiful poem indeed

Roses are red
Violet's are blue
I stopped using blizzard
And you should too

A mini poem:

Little birdy, flying high,
Drops a present from the sky,
Farmer says, wiping his eye,
Thank the Lord my pigs don't fly!

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A guy and girl had sex poem competition

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."


Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

Roses are red, this poem is crass,

Why on earth,
Is my g-spot up my ass?

A poem for you guys

I call it Panties at an Old Folks Home.

Rose's are red
Violet's are blue
Beatrice's are green

My chemistry teacher wrote me a heartfelt chemistry poem:

Fluorine, Uranium, Carbon, Potassium, Yttrium, Oxygen, Uranium.

"An Ode to Reddit," a poem by me.

We’ve all seen the joke that’s been goin' 'round Reddit,

The one with lame puns about “spreddit” and “shreddit.”

People assume that we’ll somehow forgeddit,

and then they repost it and act like they seddit.

We—the people—assume that they’ll eddit it,

find the origi...

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my revue,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew...

What’s a stoner’s favorite type of poem?

A haiku.

The class had to write a short, rhyming, two-lines poem as homework.

Lisa stands up and proudly recites :



*Yesterday, my Dad and I we went to town*

*And I got a nice blue bike of my own.*



"That's a lovely poem, Lisa!" says the teacher.

Now it's Timmy's turn. He stands up and recites theatrically :



*When octob...

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A Valentine’s Day Poem, by Stevie Wonder

Roses are black,
Violets are black,
I can’t see shit,
Fuck.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Morning Poem

I woke early one morning, The  earth lay cool and still. When Suddenly a tiny bird perched upon my window sill, He sang a song so lovely, so carefree and so gay, that slowly all my troubles began to slip away.   He sang of far off places, of laughter and of fun, it seemed this very trilling, bro...

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The Tax Poem

Tax his land, tax his wage,
Tax his bed in which he lays.
Tax his tractor, tax his mule,
Teach him taxes is the rule.

Tax his cow, tax his goat,
Tax his pants, tax his coat.
Tax his ties, tax his shirts,
Tax his work, tax his dirt.

Tax his chew, tax his smoke,
Teac...

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers

The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My Dad...

A poem

I dig.

You dig.

It dig.

We dig.

She dig.

They dig.

It’s not a good poem, but it is deep.

(Reposted from r/funny because I did post it there first and do not know if it belongs here better)

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I read a poem about masturbating and crying simultaneously

It was a tear jerker

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A sad poem by someone I don’t know

Here I sit broken hearted I tried to poop but only farted then today I took a chance I tried to fart but I pooped my pants

There was a poetry competition final with two contestants, a university student and an old country man.

They each had 20 seconds to come up with a poem about Timbuktu.

The student goes first and says " Across the desert sands, crossed a lonely caravan, men on camels two by two, destination Timbuktu."

The crowd goes wild cheering for the poem.

The old country man then goes, "Tim...

A short poem about women's underwear...

> Rose's are red,
Violet's are blue,
>!Heather's are green.!<
~Lee Mack


EDIT: added spoiler for 37% better delivery.

A Max Miller Poem

I like the girls who do, I like the girls who don't, I

like the girls who say they will, And then decide they won't.

But the girls I like the most of all, And I know you'll think I'm right,

Are the girls that say they never will, But look as though they might!


...

Did you know Tommy Wiseau wrote a poem?

Oh, Haiku.

A poem

Help me, I am trapped!

In a Haiku Factory!

Hurry, before they-

I'm writing a poem for my son.

What rhymes with "I couldn't be the only disappointment in your mother's life"?

Credit to /u/Poem_for_your_sprog

He sat and sighed beside the road -

His engine's gasket blown.

His car was old and cold and towed.

The man was left alone.

-

'I need to find a place to stay

Until it's fixed,' he spoke -

But as he rose to walk away

Arrived a band of folk.
...

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In the recreation room of a psychiatric hospital, there were three patients

...named Jimmy, Freddy, and Sonny. The doctor visited them to check if their condition has improved and if they're ready to be discharged.

He first went to Jimmy. Jimmy was writing something on a notebook. He asked "What are you doing, Jimmy?" Jimmy replied "I'm writing a poem, doctor." The...

I wrote a poem about communism for my English class

I had to share it with everyone

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I wrote this one a few years ago

A priest, Father John Mclanahan is walking down the street when he bumps into an old friend, Rabbi John Goldman. They haven’t seen each other since college. They happen to be heading to the same part of town, so they decide to walk together and catch up on old times. They reminisce about their frien...

A Priest was reciting a poem, "Roses are red violets are blue".

My girlfriend is 9 I'm 62.

A little poem

I dig...
You dig...
We dig...
He dig...
She dig...
They dig...

It may not be the best poem, but atleast it´s deep.

High Quality Poem

Error 404

Your Haiku could not be found

Try again later

I dunno, seems like a joke to me

Never use poems in evil ways. Well I'm

gonna do exactly that. I might as well

give you the knowledge that

you will be pranked **hard**. So leave. Still reading? You don't give

up easily. You should've

never read this. Let me just tell you that you're

gonna h...

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What's the difference between an expert in five line poems and an expert in eating anus?

One will give you a limerick

The other will give your rim a lick.

Autocorrect Inspired Poem

It means no worries

For the rest of your days

Haiku na Mattatta

I'm a poet and I know it

I dug, you dug, he dug, she dug, we all dug.

It’s not a great poem, but it’s deep.

What would you call a poem written in the honour of a Mathematician?

dy/dx - 3x = 2

What's this?

An ODE (Ordinary Differential Equation)

A Valentines Poem

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Whitney Houston is dead
and iiiiiiieeeeiiiii will always love yoooouooooou

I've written a poem about the sounds made by dogs...

It can only be read if you scan it first.

It's a bark ode.

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The crazy lamp

A doctor visits 3 of his patients in a mental asylum.

He sees patient 1 reading a book and says, "Wow, you're improving."

Patient 1 says, "I'm just reading a book."

He then sees patient 2 writing and says, "Wow, you're improving too."

Patient 2 says, "I'm just writing ...

Dog Poem

I am a dog And you are a flower. I lift my leg up And give you a shower.

My analogies are like the world’s best crafted poems

Terrible

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A poem I read to my gf while proposing

Roses are Red

Today is the Day

Plot Twist

I'm Gay

“This poem doesn’t rhyme.”

Dude about to make haikus:

“Oh haven’t you heard?”

My Poem to you

Roses are 0xff0000
Violets are 0x0000ff
return(SUCCESS);

Shortest four-line poem I can think of

Not sure where else to post it. If you can read it, it doesn't apply to you.

YYUR
YYUB
URN
YY2ME

I also wrote a poem, too, too

I feel.

You feel.

He feels.

She feels.

They feel.

We feel.

I know I'm not a great poet, but I've been told this is very touching.

what do you call a good poem about clay?

true pottery

A poem for Valentine's Day

Love is the fart of every heart, for when held in it pains the host, but when released pains others most.

Timbuktu

This one I got from Playboys joke page in the late 80s.


Two guys with identical education and experience were applying for the same marking position in a company. The hiring manager could not decide which one to give the job offer to, so he calls them both in for a final interview at th...

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I'm writing a poem about the first time I masturbated.

Can someone think of something that rhymes with, "I was taken away by an ambulance"?

Preparing my wedding vows in the form of a poem...

What rhymes with "the way you shake that ass?"

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Best Love Poem Ever? Worked For Me.

Roses are red,

Nuts are brown,

Mouths are wide open

It's the best in town

Girls really love it,

It isn't a sin

So when it goes stiff,

Stick it in.

It goes in dry and comes out wet.

The longer its in the stronger it gets.

...

A short poem

Imma tell you a short poem.

it goes something like this.

------------------------------------------------------

"I dig.

You dig.

He digs.

she digs.

We dig.

they dig."

------------------------------------

Now the poem is not real...

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Here's a beautiful poem from the depths of the internets. [NSFW]

There was once a beautiful lass.

Who had a magnificent ass.

Twas not perky nor pink as you'd probably think

It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.

I present to you the world's shortest poem, entitled "Fleas".

Adam had'em.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game.

After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children...

Timbuktu

The National poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”

First to recite his poe...

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The seven wise men poem (nsfw)

7 wise men with knowledge so fine,
They created a pussy to their design.

First was a butcher, smart with wit,
by using a knife he gave it a slit.

Second was a carpenter strong and bold,
with a hammer and chisel he gave it a hole.

Third was a tailor tall and thin,
wi...

Morning Love Making

Tyrone asked his work buddy, Robert, one morning, "Man, why you always so damn happy when you come to work everyday?" Robert replied, "That's because I make love to my wife every morning before work."

Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets his wife to make love to him every morning. "That's ea...

Shakespeare and Lord Byron at the gates of Heaven

Shakespeare and Lord Byron get to the gates of heaven at the same time but St Peter regrets to confirm that they only have one vacancy left. He decides to let them compete for the one spot in a poem writing competition. He gives the task to include "Timbuktu" in an improvised poem. Lord Byron goes f...

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I’m so confused

I was writing my wife a sexy love poem and she criticized me for the way I spelled vadgina. She never complained about me putting a D in there before.

Roses are Red - Good poem for your ex's

Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Timbuktu

The teacher told the class to make up a poem about Timbuktu, to recite in front of the class.

The first child recited hers:

"When I was lying in my bed

I dreamt of a ship with funnels red

A beautiful ship, its hull was blue

I think it was going to Timbuktu."
...

What do you call part of a poem written by a Seinfeld character?

A George Costanza.

the ultimate pick up poem as told by my drunk father

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I've got a gun,
Get in the van

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