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Marshall Field

Marshall Field who pioneered the phrase, “the customer is always right” is rolling over in his grave right now.

Despite cemetery policy

The Poacher and the Bishop of Ely

One day, Sam the poacher is off doing his thing in the fields, when he sees the Bishop of Ely, on his way home from a banquet, urgently looking round for a bush- any bush. Sam, seeing this, only goes and hides behind the same bush as the Bishop. Realising what the Bishop is up to, quick as a flash...

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At the height of WWII on the Eastern front, a high-level meeting takes place in the Kremlin between Stalin and the marshals on the situation on their respective fronts.

When the meeting ends, Marshal Georgy Zhukov is the first one to step out. As he does so, he mutters under his breath "Fucking asshole with a mustache!" It just so happens that Stalin's secretary, Alexander Poskrebyshev hears this. So being a loyal servant to the cause, he reports it to his boss. St...

Napoleon at the annual military parade in Moscow

Napoleon is at the annual military parade in Moscow, alongside Putin, engrossed in reading a newspaper.
At his side, Marshal Ney blurts out to him "Your Majesty, look! If only we had such guns, we would not lose Waterloo!"
Napoleon keeps reading. Ney blurts out again, "Your Majesty,...

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What kind of Marshall Arts does Challah Bread do?

JEW DOUGH!!

Marshall Dillon is returning from a 3-day trip hunting for outlaws. He see Chester walking down the middle of the street completely naked.

"Chester! What the hell are you doing walking down the street without your clothes?"

"Well, Mr. Dillon," says Chester, "since you were gone, Miss Kitty asked me to go on a picnic with her. So, we rode out to the woods, and she put a blanket on the ground. Then she took off all her clothes, an...

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A federal marshal walks into a bar in the Old West...

He tells the bartender about an unusual wanted man he's hunting.

"I haven't seen anybody too unusual around these parts lately," the bartender asks as he hands the marshal a drink. "How unusual are we talkin' here?"

"You'd definitely know this fella if you'd seen him," the marshal said...

Marshall Mathers has agreed to be the spokesman for the Johnson&Johnson Covid Vaccine...

...cuz you only get one shot.

What do Kobe Bryant and the marshal Tucker band have in common?

Their last big hit was fire on the mountain.

Brave

Admiral Mc Kenzie was in charge of the Navy, and he was visiting his colleague General Marshall, who was in charge of the Army. Mc Kenzie arrives at the military camp and is greeted by Marshall. They both walk around the place, and Mc Kenzie asks: "So how are your men? "Very well trained. Mc Kenzie....

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Stalin sits inside of his office in the Kremlin.

He is attending a meeting of extreme importance with Marshall Zhukov. Outside of the office, sits Stalin's secretary, Poskrebyshev.

Soon enough, Marshall Zhukov walks out of Stalin's office, mumbling "Murderous mustache...". Poskrebyshev's face bleaches, as he storms inside of the office scre...

My buddy just became an Air Marshal.

He's a plane clothes cop.

If I was a Medium I'd pretend to channel Marshall McLuhan..

then just sit there silently with a smug look on my face.

What do you call Marshall Mathers when he's sick?

An ill lyricist.

As part of his inauguration, Biden must prove his physical fitness by running a lap of the White House.

On the starting line, the marshal tells him about all the other presidents to have completed the race before him.

“Obama was truly spectacular! He did his lap in only 15 minutes and 23 seconds! Trump was terrible and it took him well over 20 minutes to complete.”

Scoffing, Biden said “...

Marshall Mathers wants to make a statement but he doesn’t want anyone to know he’s saying it so

He requests eminemity.

The government forcibly took over MarshallMathers.com

They cited Eminem domain

Dog limps into Dodge City with a bloody leg, Marshall Dillon says "what brings you to town dog"? ... dog says

Im lookin for the man that shot my paw!

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Ten Lines to Get You Out of Jury Duty

1. I can tell if people are guilty just by looking at them.

2. I am really attracted to you, Your Honor.

3. If a police officer told me I was a bug, I'd believe him

4. I think laws are for sissies.

5. Would I have to bathe?

6. Can each of my personalities vote in t...

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court-martial long

I was an M.P in the British army for a number of years.
We get called Red Caps.


I was passing through the Canteen, Mess, food, hall.

I had to arrest 2 chefs and bring them before the court marshall.
Turned quite violent.


I got bruised and worse.

...

The fisherman and the marshall

There was this guy out on his boat catching some fish.

The marshal saw this guy and told him hey you can't fish here unless you have a permit. So show me your permit!

The guy says to the Marshall no no you don't understand these are my pet fish. Everyday I come to the lake let them sw...

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A little boy lived next door to a fire station...

He would watch in awe as the fire trucks left the station with sirens blazing. The kid decided he was going to become a fireman. So he grabbed his radio flyer and stuck a makeshift ladder on it. Then he found a piece of old garden hose. He was well on his way. He remembered his plastic fireman's ha...

How does Eminem beat Rappers in a fight?

Mixed Marshall Arts

My blackbelt karate teacher has honed his skill of painting high ranking military officials for years

Now he is a master of marshal arts.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!

asked the Killer



Lily: M-My name is Lily..

Killer: Okay, you've the same name as my mom, I'll let you live. How about you ?!

Marshall: I'm Marshall but my friends call me Lily!

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An airline joke my 83 YO dad sent me . Slightly NSFW

Dear Airlines:

Dump the male flight Attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with YOUNG good-looking strippers! What the hell!! They don't even serve food anymore, so what's the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the a...

An old man lay on his death bed upstairs when he caught a wiff

An old man lay dying in bed upstairs in his room when he thought he caught a wiff of his wife's chocolate chip cookies wafting through the air.

Man, he thought to himself, if I could have just one more of my wife's cookies I could die a happy man.

As he lay there thinking about the s...

Warning: Dad joke for kids inside.

What do Skye, Chase, Marshall and Rubble use to power their vehicles?


Paw Petrol.

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Zhokov's Response

-- Zhukov angrily exits Stalin's office. In the corridor, he swears:

Z: What a fucking cunt with a mustache!

-- NKVD's officer guarding the door noticed that and said:

NKVD: What did you say, comrade?

-- Zhukov said he had said nothing.

NKVD: Well, let's go back to...

Eminem needs to release an aftershave and shower gel gift set for Christmas

Eminessence and Marshal Lathers.

In 1240 CE, the Mongols invaded Tibet

... and the Tibetan leader, Lama Sakya Pandita, marshaled all able-bodied men in Lhasa to repel the invasion. Commoners, nobility and peasants answered the summons, but Sakya's own monks hesitated. After all, they had all taken vows of nonviolence, and had not harmed so much as a fly since their i...

A guy walks in to the Sheriffs office...

Guy: Hello sir, might I make an inquiry?

Sheriff: Certainly, citizen. What ailes you?

Guy: Would you be so kind as to let me paint you?

The guy points to a chair. The Sheriff looks puzzled as to this weird inquiry, but agrees and take a seat on the chair. The guy starts painting...

Three women break out of prison...

..a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. They hear the marshal and his men coming so they duck into a near by potato barn. They find three potato sacks and jump in covering themselves from head to toe.

The marshal sends his deputy into the potato barn to check it out. The deputy see's the thre...

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers

He's a mixed Marshall artist.

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

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A childhood story my teacher shared

My intercultural communication teacher told us this today. Thought I'd share.

When he was about 16, he and his friends got the bright idea of egging some military vehicle. Once the eggs flew and hit their mark, a few marines in training around their early 20s rushed from the vehicle and appre...

Met my friend Jack in my flight today.

I said, "Hi Jack!"
Out of nowhere the air marshal tackled me.

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Horny sailors

Two ship captains were sitting at the bar one night getting drunk when one turned to the other and said, "You know what gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty horny. With all the jacking ...

What do you call karate kid with high-end guitar amp?

Marshall artist

I hear that if you draw a really good portrait of Jason Segel you will instantly be proficient in Karate, Taekwondo, and Jiu Jitsu

I think it has something to do with becoming a master Marshall artist

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WWII era Soviet joke

In the middle of Stalin's war council Marshall Zhukov storms out of the room, muttering "The moustached tyrant went utterly batshit" to himself. Head of NKVD Lavrentiy Beria hears him and immediately repeats what he heard to Stalin.

Stalin calls Zhukov back and asks who did he mean.

"...

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Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

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