Forensic Jokes - 24 Hilarious Forensic Jokes

What is Will Smith's favorite type of forensic evidence?

Fresh prints.

My wife is a forensic crime scene investigator, but she refuses to get pregnant.

No one puts baby in a coroner.

Why are even the best forensic teams unable to catch hillbilly criminals?

Because they all share the same DNA and there are no dental records.

Why did the forensic pathologist take off from work?

She had the coroner-virus!

It takes guts to be a forensic scientist.

A lot of guts. Everywhere.

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Medical experts were asked if it is time to lift the COVID-19 lockdown restrictions.

There were mixed responses.

Allergists were in favor of scratching it altogether, but dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

Gastroenterologists had a gut feeling it was a bad idea, and neurologists claimed the government had a lot of nerve.

Obstetricians felt certai...

A man was filling his car up while drinking beer and later crashed

A forensic scientist, cop, and mechanic head to the wreck to determine the cause.

*"He was poisoned!"* said the scientist.

*"No! This was simply a case of drunk driving."* replied the cop.

*"You're both wrong! He crashed because he filled the gas tank with booze."* exclaimed the...

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
...

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An medical forensics professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students.

Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. “There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.” Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus, withdrew it, then licked his finger. “Now you must do the same,” he told the class. A...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

A woman was pulled over for speeding...

When the officer reaches the vehicle he informs the woman that she was driving more than double the speed limit and asks to see her license and registration. The woman refuses to produce them and, when asked why, states that she doesn't have a license or registration and that the vehicle is stolen. ...

Dr John was caught having a physical relationship with one of his patients

Dr. Phil his co-worker was left flabbergasted learning about this incident.

Dr Phil- Dr. John how could you!

Dr John- Well i am neither the first one nor the last one having a physical relationship with a patient.

Dr Phil- Sir but we are forensic specialist.

Dr John- Well...

Bengals Anthrax Scare

Cincinnati, OH Monday, November 11, 2019 – Anthrax Scare At Paul Brown Stadium

Cincinnati Bengals football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Zac Taylor immediately suspended practi...

Letter to Tide from beloved consumer

Dear Tide

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My wife started to berate me about my clumsiness and how expensive the shirt was. That I was stupid, couldn't even hold a glass rig...

I came back to work after a weeks vacation

Several of my customers asked "Haven't seen you in a while, where you been?"
I just said "I had to go back to the state I moved from to help locate a few homicide victims "

They said "Oh! Are you a forensics expert?"

I replied "No, serial killer "

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Buccaneers Anthrax Scare

Tampa Bay, Florida, Sept. 26, 2014.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player found a mysterious white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called in local authorities.

Fore...

Two forensic officers were reviewing their examination the stomach of a murder victim that week.

"Another case solved," concluded the chief officer.

*"Hmm-mmm" her partner agreed.*

"Quite a simple one to work out, too." She savoured a sip of coffee.

*"Oh? How so?" queried the young man, raising an eyebrow.*

"Hmmm. The contents reminded me of my husband's attempt at t...

Old joke from former Eastern Germany: An archeology team was having trouble determining the age of human remains that they found deep in a cave, so they called in the best forensics teams from the CIA, KGB and the Stasi....

The CIA team goes in first with all their equipment and comes out about 4 hours later.

"As far as we can determine, the remains are about 500,000 years old."

Not to be outdone by the CIA, the KGB goes in and comes out about 8 hours later.

"The remains are approximately 515,550 y...

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3 students at a high school get into trouble and are put on detention after school.

But instead of just sitting in a classroom they are tasked with helping the school Janitor clean the school basement.

So they set about clearing the basement. They find loads of old junk, which had accumulated over the 80 years the school had been open.

After about an hour of movi...

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

A small plane crashed into a cemetery...

the forensics found no survivors. They have found 268 bodies by sunset. They will continue searching tomorrow morning...

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the highway.

A police officer in Newfoundland happens across a gruesome scene on the side of the road.

He radios headquarters to send in forensics. He then assesses the scene. It's horrible. He takes out his note pad and starts to record his observations.

He approaches the rear of the vehicle ...

Two detectives are investigating a crime scene in a plastic surgeons O.R. (Long)

After an initial forensics report they determine cause of death was blood loss.

Detective 1: I’ve seen their sort of procedure before. Good God! I thought they stopped this sort of operation years ago!

Detective 2: what is it? You’ve seen this before!??

Detective 1: oh yes....Ma...

What career is a perfect ten?

Forensics

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