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Kansas City Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy went ...

You should get the Kansas City Vaccine

Then you won’t catch anything.

Rihanna is now a fan of the Kansas City Royals.

They don't beat anyone.

What did the Titans team pilot say when they arrived in Kansas City?

Touch Down! Kansas City!

I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me.

I said, “What, I’m just putting them out of their Missouri”

How many Kansas City Chiefs does it take to change a flat tire?

Just one. Unless it's a blowout. Then the whole team shows up.

Why didn’t the Kansas City Chiefs go to meet the president at the White House?

They tried... Unfortunately, they went to the state of Washington...

What's the difference between the Kansas City Chiefs and a dollar bill?

You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

How do you keep the Kansas City Chiefs away from your house?

Paint a goal line on your driveway.

Did you hear about the group of Kansas City football players who all contracted skin infections while smoking marijuana?

The Joint Chiefs of Staph

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A truck driver from Alabama who has been driving around the country for two weeks stops at a brothel outside Kansas City.

He walks straight up to the madam, drops $300 and says, “I want your ugliest woman and a grilled cheese sandwich.”

The madam is astonished. “For that kind of money you could have one of my best girls and a three-course meal.”

The driver replies, “I’m not horny...

A man walks into a bar

And sees two gangsters chating, one of them lifts his shirt, showing a horrible scar in his chest and says "Kansas city", the other does the same, lifts his shirt and shows a big scar in his back and says "Boston city". The man approaches them, lifts his shirt and shows a scar in the right side of h...

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

My friend and I were talking about venomous snakes.

I told him there are two main types of venom: neurotoxin, which affects the nervous system, and hemotoxin, which breaks down cellular walls and damages tissue. Most of the indigenous venomous snakes in the U.S. are part of the second group.

I explained, "It can be deadly if the venom is carri...

A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...

...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."

The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"

The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."

Never thought I would hear an actual funny joke in church

Heard this joke from my priest at church (I live in Kansas City).

A man who lived a lifetime of trouble died and was sentenced to smash rocks in hell to suffer for his sins. One day the devil walked up to the man who was breaking the rocks with ease and asked him how he was doing it so effort...

Mother of The Year

So a reporter for *The Kansas City Star* goes all the way down into rural Arkansas to do a feature on a single mother with twelve sons.

As they sit on the porch sipping lemon tea and smoking Camels, the mother hears a shout. She yells, "Harold, you leave your brother alone!"

Then as a ...

Long Flight

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the capta...

My favorite bad Christmas joke

Dolf is the weatherman at KTVY, the local CBS affiliate in Kansas City. He's also a closet communist, and has a bit of an anger management problem. During their Christmas Eve broadcast Dolf forecasts a cold and rainy Christmas day, then turns it over to Erin, the anchor he's been dating for the past...

80,000 blondes gather for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention"

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention ". The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer? " A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The lead...

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