If Al Abama wore Miss Issippi's new jersey to the party, what will Mary Land wear?

I dunno, Al ask a.

Mississippi lent missouri her new jersey so what did delaware?

idaho but alaska

My friend was bitten by a Great White at a New Jersey beach.

Well, he actually used the phrase "Superior Aryan." Either way he was one crazy skinhead.

Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so?

New Jersey had first choice.

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What do Jersey girls use as protection during sex?

Bus shelters

What's the difference between trash and a Jersey Girl?

The trash gets picked up regularly

Quarantine seasonal travel

Oman, I really can't wait to Rome around.

Venice this going to get over?

You can't say when this lockdown will be over, Kenya?

Quarantine has made my Delhi routine too boring.

I've been Washingtons of utensils.

This Spain is real.

Stay home, stay safe. What'...

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Cute Joke

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
<...

How do people from the Jersey Shore show their condolences?

They send their thots and players

Imagin you are walking along the boardwalk in New Jersey when you see an anti-vaxxer and a flat-earther drowning in the ocean...

do you grab dinner before you go to the movies or see the movie first?

A guy walks into a bar wearing a Browns jersey and carrying a cat that also has a Browns jersey on with a little Browns helmet on his head, too.

The guy says to the bartender, "Can my cat and I watch the Browns game here?
My TV at home is broke, and my cat and I always watch the game together."

The bartender replies, "Normally, cats wouldn't be allowed in the bar, but
it's not very busy in here right now, so you and the cat can ...

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey :(

Nothing happened there. I just feel bad for anyone who has to live in New Jersey.

I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.

I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".

"Is that your real name?", she asked.

I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."

New York asked the CDC for 100,000 COVID test kits

"10,000 test kits?!" says the CDC, "We don't have 1,000 test kits! What do you need 100 test kits for? Here's 10 test kits, and split 'em with New Jersey."

I don’t know why people wear players’ jerseys at games.

Who do they think they’re fooling?

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After his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

“Ciao, Luigi. How wassa the trip?” His friend said.

“Everything was perfecto, except for the train down.” Luigi said

“Virginia and I boarda da train at Grand Central Station. Virginia packa a huge picnic basket. But the conductore came, waga his finger and said: ‘no eat in disa car. M...

My body is in a disgusting, embarrassing, totally repulsive state right now

New Jersey, I'm in New Jersey

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods

when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a soothing voice, says: “Just tak...

Want to know why I always wear my Seahawks Jersey when I take a test?

It's so I'll pass, even when I shouldn't!

Why do people drive so fast in New Jersey?

So as to get the f\*ck out of New Jersey.

Berlin's Hottest Nightclub

A hot new nightclub, Integers, opened up in Berlin. The club's
advertising referenced the "infinite" amount of space on the inside, and its excellent location downtown. The walls were sleek and black, with purple house lights and an immaculate sound system. Drinks were all priced at whole dollar...

My girlfriend told me to kiss her where it smells funny...

So I took her to New Jersey.

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Italian Honeymoon

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.


Giovanni said, “Hey Luigi, how was-a da treep?”

Luigi said, “Everyting was-a perfecto except-a for da train-a ride down.”

...

Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50?

Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

Where’s the best place in America to shop for a football kit?

New Jersey!

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There once were two airplane mechanics from New Jersey...

... Who were also drinking buddies.

One night, the mechanics (Rick and Paul) were finishing up their shift and discussing where they should go for a drink afterwards.

"I don't know, man," said Rick. "We've been to every bar in town. The scene's getting old."

"Well," replied Pau...

Thinking about opening up a sperm bank in New Jersey.

Gonna call it: "Get a load of this guy over here!".

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A man with a dog walks into a bar in New Jersey.

He says to the barman, "This dog can talk." The bartender replies, "What? Get outta here." The man with the dog then says, "It's true, I promise!" The bartender decides to see if there is anything to this and says to the man, "Tell you what, if you can prove that the dog talks I'll give you free...

Last week, I took a Dallas Cowboys jersey away from my 2-year-old nephew.

It was a choking hazard.

When I was younger I decided I wanted a tattoo. My mother said, "Well if you're going to get one get one where it doesn't matter.

So I got it in New Jersey.

How many Jersey girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One. They'll screw anything

What's the Difference between NHL Players and the Jersey Shore Girls?

NHL Players shower after three periods.

They're giving away Marshawn Lynch jerseys at my local sports shop.

But I think I'll pass

BREAKING: Helicopter crash in a New Jersey cemetery

300 dead bodies recovered so far

In a progressive move, Mattel is making a new boyfriend for Barbie who's a homeless man from New Jersey

Hobo Ken.

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal in New Jersey and a voluptuous lobster?

One's a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

One thing I do to get attention

Wear my Michael Vick jersey to the dog park

Pennsylvania and New Jersey changed their state mottos today in order to cut their highway budgets.

Now they both proudly display "Road Work Ahead. Expect Delays" on their welcome signs to better reflect the status of their roadways.

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?

The swim-fast diet.

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So there's this terrible shipwreck, with only three survivors - a French guy, a British guy, and a guy from New Jersey.

So there's a terrible shipwreck, and there are only three survivors that wash up onto a desert island - a French guy, a British guy, and a guy from New Jersey. They're immediately captured by cannibals and spend days locked in a cage, awaiting their fate. Finally the Chief of the cannibals comes t...

Did you hear what sandy did to New Jersey?

A few billion dollars worth of improvements

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A tall man walks into a bar, with a tiny man standing on his shoulder.

... and orders a beer. As soon as he sits down at the counter the tiny man hops off his shoulder and starts walking around. It is just a bit taller than a pint of beer, and dressed in a sports jersey. It walks over to the guy right to him, chugs his beer in one go, bumps his fist into the guys shoul...

What did Delaware?

Idaho, Alaska........ She wore her New Jersey.



(this was a dad joke decades before they were called Dad jokes.)

What are two things you don't pick up in New Jersey?

The trash and the women.

How to fix a broken vacuum.

If you ever come a cross a broken vacuum, put a toronto maple leaf hockey jersey on it.

It will start sucking right away.

How do you kill a vampire from New Jersey?

With a New York steak.

TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.

No new New Jersey jersey.

If Kyrie Irving goes to the Nets

Does he get a New Jersey?

How do you get a Rams fan to stop beating his wife?

Put her in a Patriots jersey

A guy in NY orders a taxi to go cross state. The taxi pulls up, and he gets, carrying a large box which he puts in the back.

They set out driving, while the guy is looking at the box nervously every ten minutes or so. When they get to New Jersey, the man calls his wife. ''Hi honey, yes, they did give me the jewelry. I'll have it priced in Atlanta, it'd probably be 200 thousand or so. I'll call you when I'm done''.
...

Jersey Shore star Mike Sorrentino was indicted on tax charges today

The Situation does not look good legally.

The Pope, the Packers & the Vikings

On a tour of Texas, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach in the pope-mobile when he heard a frantic commotion just off shore. A helpless man wearing a Green Bay Packer jersey was struggling frantically to free himself from the ja...

A true story.

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first...

I was watching Jersey Shore the other day when I thought...

I didn't know I had animal planet.

I'm getting tired of riding to work from New Jersey to Manhattan with my neighbors

I guess I'm getting Carpool Tunnel syndrome

Two Fleas on Vacation (nsfw)

Two fleas had an arrangement to meet every winter in Miami for a vacation. Last year, when one flea gets to Miami he is shivering and shaking.

The other flea asked him, "Why are shaking so badly?"

The first flea says, "I rode down here from New Jersey in the moustache of a guy on a Har...

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A violist's 3 wishes...

Joe is a violist in the Kansas Radio Symphony. One day, as Joe is walking home from work, viola in hand, he stumbles across a peculiar looking lamp. Being utterly dissatisfied with his life, Joe rubs the lamp, and a genie appears.



"Waddya want?" the genie asks in a Jersey accent. Joe ...

A bunch of Chinese people come to a photographer for passport photos...

The photographer saw the enormous work to guide each of the 50 people and told to himself:

-Well, they all look the same, I will do just one photo and will send a copy to each one. They wouldn't notice.

So, he did it and sent a copy to each one of them. The next day, a Chinese guy com...

What's the difference between a hockey team and a New Jersey hooker?

A hockey team showers after 3 periods.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to be a cop..

I'm on the job six weeks. Barely out of training floaties. I'm on foot patrol. It's a little before midnight. I clock this beat up Plymouth with Jersey plates, parked under the bridge. Trusty flashlight I walk over, I rap on the glass. In the backseat, there's a girl doing her homework. In the front...

Why do Long Islander's have the lowest suicide rate in the US?

Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.

I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal

It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couples' therapist encounters a client with a giant red "M" on her chest. [NSFW]

Concerned, the therapist asks the woman if her husband is abusing her in some strange satanic manner. "No," replies the client, "my husband is a Mississippi fan and insists on wearing his game jersey every time we have an 'interaction'." A couple days later, the therapist meets another client who sh...

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Reunion

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the...

A guy is scoping out chicks in a bar...

...when he sees one wearing a Kansas City Chiefs jersey.

He walks up to her and says, "Hi. My name is 21 Point Lead."

The woman laughs and replies, "That's not your name!"

The guy says, "You're right, but I figured anyone wearing a Chiefs jersey would blow a 21 point lead."

As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs

Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.

Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?

New Jersey

Whats the name of that old reality show where they go fishing and catch a bunch of crabs?

Oh, right.

Jersey Shore...I miss that show.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ray Rice jokes for DAYS!

There's like maybe four or five jokes in this list that were already posted on the internet, but the rest of this list was pretty much made up by me while I was bored. Ray Rice's incident is a gold mine of humor....just not for him. Easily offended need not apply here. Enjoy.

1.) Ray Rice's w...

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