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Cleveland Jokes

How many Cleveland Browns fans does it take to change a light bulb?

Both of them.

What’s the difference between the Cleveland Browns and the alphabet?

The alphabet has a “W”.

Tornado warnings are active for Cleveland, Ohio.

Residents are invited to seek shelter in Cleveland Browns Stadium where there is no chance of a touchdown.

The Cleveland Indians have officially decided on a new team name.

Say hello to your new Cleveland Redskins!

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A blond and a lawyer are flying to Cleveland

The man asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

Bored, he persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you do...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

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A Cleveland Browns fan finds a magical lamp.

The fan rubs the lamp and a genie emerges.

Genie: "I am the all powerful genie and I will grant you one wish!"

Fan: "That's easy, I want to live forever!"

Genie: "That's an impossible wish that I cannot grant."

Fan: "Okay then, I want to live long enough to see the Cl...

With the announcement that the Cleveland Indians will be changing its name...

Going forward they will be Cleveland Washington Football Team.

Cleveland Indians are going to change their name....

....I suggest Cleveland Bharati.

TIL: Among all US Presidents, Grover Cleveland had the shortest term.

He was the twenty second president.

So the Cleveland Indians are changing their name because they think it’s derogatory to a group of people:

Their new name:

The Ohio Indians

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Going to Cleveland

Night nurse at a mental hospital is doing rounds and sees one patient sitting up going
"vrrrrrooommm"
and she asks " Tom what are you doing?"
He replies "driving to Cleveland!"
She tells him to have a nice trip and continues on.
Later she is doing rounds again and Tom is looking ov...

Cleveland has announced their baseball team will no longer be called "The Indians". It's about time.

Now we can finally call them the Cleveland Steamers.

The Cleveland Browns are covering the playing field in cardboard for Sunday's game.

Because they always play better on paper.

In honor of his being the first 90 year old in space, I’m going as the Star Trek Cleveland Steamer for Halloween

Just as soon as I perfect my William Shatner chest costume.

Right now everyone in Cleveland is taking social distancing very seriously. No one is even down by the lake.

It's Erie

What do the Cleveland Browns and a Meth addict have in common?

They will both suck for 4 quarters.

What does a Cleveland Cavaliers fan do when his team has won the NBA Finals?

He turns off the PlayStation 4.

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I wish my wife were more like the Cleveland Browns.

She'd work out all week and then suck a dick on Sunday.

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A Pittsburgh Man, Idaho Falls Man, and a Cleveland Man walk into a bar...

An Idaho Falls man, a Pittsburgh man, and a Cleveland man walk into a bar.

An atheist bartender asks the Idado Falls man what he's drinking.

"Water. The Idaho Falls man replies. "My God doesn't allow us to drink harmful substances."

The bartender replies, "God doesn't exist, b...

Why are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Browns in the same state?

To keep all the busts in one place.

I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game.

I came back and there were nine.

The Cleveland Indians and the Atlanta Braves were both eliminated from the playoffs on Columbus Day.

And the Redskins might lose too.

(NSFW) GSW blew a 3-1 lead. Cleveland Indians blew a 3-1 lead....

Can't believe La La Land blew a misread

“Which of the following does not belong in this list: herpes, gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland?”

“The condo, obviously.”

“Nope, gonorrhea. It’s the only one you can get rid of.”

The Browns' New QB

The head coach of the Browns is looking for a new QB when he sees news footage of a man in Afghanistan.

This man is fighting the Taliban and in the space of a few seconds, the coach sees him burst through a wooden barricade, knock down 10 armed soldiers, run 100 yards in 10 seconds, pick up a...

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Sports Teams should be named for what their city is famous for

For example: Dallas is known for cowboys, San Francisco was the place for the miners, 49ers, to bring their gold and claims, Islignton was famous as being home of the Artillery Regiment, thus "Arsenal," Milwauke HAD brewing.

Washington should change their name to "Senators," and Cleveland cou...

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

This joke was told to me yesterday by a 70-something year old man sitting next to me on a flight from Vegas to Cleveland. It was the only thing he said all flight.

A man gets home, walks into his bedroom, and finds his best friend standing in the closet naked.The man yells, "What the hell are you doing here?" and his friend replies, "Everybody's gotta' be somewhere!"

Chicago anxiety

Bob was sitting on the plane at Cleveland waiting to fly to Chicago, when a guy took the seat beside him.  The guy was an emotional wreck…pale, hands shaking in fear. "What's the matter, afraid of flying?" Bob asked.

"No, it's not that.  I've been transferred to Chicago.  The people are  craz...

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Browns Anthrax Scare

Cleveland, OH Monday, September 3, 2018 – Anthrax Scare At FirstEnergy Stadium

Cleveland Browns football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Hue Jackson immediately suspended practic...

My uncle is with the FBI

They caught him in Cleveland

The story of Tyrone

When he was in school none of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness. However, no one disliked him as much as his teacher who was always telling him, "You're driving me crazy, Tyrone!"

One day Tyrone's mother came to the school to check on her son, and his teacher t...

The MLB is renaming the “disabled list” to the “injured list”.

I’m surprised by how easily it was for the Cleveland Indians to embrace using politically correct terminology.

J.R. Smith can't wait for the NBA Finals to end tonight...

He thinks Cleveland is up 3-1.

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Jew, A Catholic, and an atheist are rowing in Lake Erie when their boat springs a huge leak.

The Jew looks skyward, and says “Oh, Adonai, if you save me, I promise I’ll sail to Israel and spend the rest of my days trying to reclaim the land you gave us.”

The Catholic looks skyward, and says, “Oh, Jesus, if you save me, I promise I’ll fly to the Vatican and spend the rest of my days ...

What is Thanos Favorite Football team?

The Cleveland browns.

So far the have:

1 Regulatory Win

1 Overtime Win

1 Tie

1 Overtime Loss

1 Regulatory Loss


Perfectly balanced, as all things should be.

What do you call a carpet cleaning company based out of Ohio?

Cleveland Steamers

This just in, Beverly Hills, 90210

Cleveland Browns, 3

>Credit to Colin Mochrie from *Whose Line Is It Anyway?*

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Meanwhile at the airport...

Jimmy and Jason are both workers at the Atlanta airport, typically working outside to re-fuel the planes after they land. One day, a very thick fog rolls in grounding all of the planes. Jimmy and Jason are bored out of their minds with nothing to do.

"I'm really bored," says Jimmy. "I wish...

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Two Pickets

Two drunk Steelers fans were left in Cleveland after a game with no ride home. The first drunk decides that they can just hop a Greyhound bus and be home in no time. He stumbles to the ticket counter and the most beautiful, busty woman he's seen all day was working. He politely asks "can I please ha...

Court Custody

A six-year-old boy was at the center of an NYC courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.

The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regul...

4th of July Alcohol puns: American Heroes edition.

So this all started with Abraham Drinkin.

Help us come up with more. It has to be a character from American History to celebrate today as well as some sort of alcohol theme.

Here's what we have so far (some are better than others) :

Abraham Drinkin

John Wilkes Booze
...

A ridiculously rich man is buying his 6 year old nephew a birthday present

On his birthday, the boy gets a Porsche 911. For Christmas that year, the man bought his nephew a massive yacht. For his 7th birthday, the man bought his nephew a weeks holiday in Dubai. The boy's dad was getting worried about his son, as he wasn't getting gifts that a child his age would normally g...

An ugly man is walking through a forest when he trips on something.

He bends down and pulls a lamp out of the dirt. He rubs the lamp and sure enough, out pops a genie.


"I will grant you one wish for freeing me from the lamp."


"Well, as you can see, I've had trouble meeting women. I'd really like to find a wife and settle down. For my wish, I...

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An elderly couple from Ohio are planning their 40th anniversary...

The couple, who were rabid basketball fans, had used the last 39 years to have an annual foray into their shared passion for the NBA. They went to games when they could, had gone to the Basketball Hall of Fame (four times so far), but usually just celebrated by getting each other neat collector's i...

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