An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York

And says, "I hate to ruin you day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery are enough".

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand each other any longer," the old man said. "We are are sick and tired of each oth...

It was so hot in Phoenix, the entire city burned to ground was reduced to ashes

Dont worry, it came right back up the next morning.

The pollen is so bad this year in Phoenix...

that tweekers are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.

Hurricane Joaquin

This Category 3 Storm is likely to hit the Eastern US this week.

Good news for Arizona residents: you will not be affected by Joaquin, Phoenix.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does a bowl of spaghetti and a degree from Phoenix online both have in common?

If it ends up on your wall you're probably retarded.

Step 1: Have Android phone - Step 2: Say "Ok Google, what are people from Phoenix called?"

You're welcome

One day Joaquin Phoenix will be bitten by a zombie...

...and he will be called the Joaquin Dead

What does Joaquin Phoenix say when a car almost hits him?

''Hey! I'm Joaquin here!''

A guy dressed as a chicken on fire tried to break into my house.

If phoenix anything I'll be mad.

A boy came to his mother and asked her "Mom, where did I come from?"

The woman explained intercourse, insemination, conception, pregnancy and birth to her son in easy-to-understand terms. However, he still was puzzled, so she asked him "Do you understand what I said?"

The boy replied "Yes, I do, but what I want to know is where I came from. Jimmy in my class s...

So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, right? I guess that's when the books started getting

*dead Sirius*

Old Timers Bar

Four old guys are walking down a street. They turn a corner and see a sign that says, "Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents."
They look at each other and then go in, thinking this is too good to be true.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me po...

What do you call a firebird without a ride home?

A Joaquin Phoenix

Getting a drink after work

2 airline mechanics get off work at LaGuardia airport. One says to the other let's go get some drinks. The other agrees, but says "Let's try drinking jet fuel." "I hear tastes just like whiskey and there's no nasty hangover." The other agrees and they drink about quart a piece. Afterwards they go h...

What do you call a fiery bird that can’t fly?

A Joaquin Phoenix

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Reunion

Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since High School. They rediscover each other via a reunion website and arrange to meet for lunch in a wine bar.

Jan arrives first, wearing beige Versace. She orders a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
Sue arrives shortly afterward, in gray Chanel. After the...

Emily and the Apache Woman

Emily was driving in her Chevrolet Bolt along the Interstate 17 in Arizona, on her way home to Phoenix.

Suddenly she saw a poor, elderly Apache woman walking very slowly along the side of the highway.

Recognising that this situation was quite dangerous and feeling sorry for the poor wo...

My Parents are Divorcing and Went to Court

The judge asks me who I would want to live with. "I don't want to live with my dad because he beats me, but I don't want to live with my mom because she beats me too," I say. "Then who would you rather live with," the judge asks. "The Phoenix Suns, they never beat anybody".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Limerick Time: Alice

There once was a woman named Alice,
Who used a TNT stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina
In South Carolina,
And her titties in Phoenix and Dallas.

Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies...

who worked as airplane mechanics in Atlanta. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do.

Bud says, "Man, I wish we had something to drink!" Jim says, "Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?" So they pour ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

heard this from a friend not sure how popular it is...

Ron and Josh headed out to their favorite bar in Seattle for a night of drinking only to realize that the prices had been raised tremendously. Ron turned to Josh, "This is ridiculous. I'm not paying that." Josh replied "I heard jet fuel gets you really fucked up. If we can sneak into the airport we ...