What do you call a hot chick in Boston?

***A tourist***

Boston Terriers don't bark

They bahk

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently...

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from avian flu. A bird pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was definitely not av...

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How is hitler like a boston marathon runner?

Neither can finish a race

Who had the tea party during the boston tea party?

The fish

Boston people are so rude.

I see this guy searching under his Prius, and I ask him how I can help.

He tells me hes looking for his shorts, and then flips out when I point out he is wearing them.

Its not my fault the idiot told me he lost his khakis.

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jami...

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won?

5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old

One night, a Boston police officer knocked on a woman's door.

"Ma'am", he said, removing his hat, "I'm here about your husband. We have bad and good news".

"Please, give me the bad news first", the woman replies.

The officer replied: "I'm sorry, but somone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor."

The woma...

British people be like: I'm bri ish

Hiding the T from Americans ever since Boston tea party

Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?

So they can't drive home.

Imagine this told with a Boston accent...

Why are there 239 beans in every can of Bostons baked beans?

Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too farty.

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Flying To Boston

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “...

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While playing in my local basketball rec league, I once thought that my next game would be against the Boston Celtics.

I was proven wrong once the game started and I got a good look at the opponents. They wore grey instead of green. Likewise, Kemba Walker, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and Jaylen Brown were nowhere to be found.

Instead, I found myself face-to-face with a bunch of stinky, over-weight neckbea...

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

A Seattle Mariners fan, a Detroit Tigers fan, a Boston Red Sox fan, and a New York Yankees fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Tigers fan yells, "This is for Detroit!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up ...

Yesterday, I got a facial cosmetic treatment in Boston.

It was more than a peeling.

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they
decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but
they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road....

How do you know when a man from Boston is aroused?

He'll have a hat on.

I really hope the Boston Celtics don't sign Taco Fall to any contact in the NBA.

So he could join the Minnesota Timberwolves. With Jordan Bell in the team, we will have the Taco Bell frontcourt.

The end

Why hasn't anyone from Boston ever become a pirate?

Because they can't pronounce their AAARRRRRRs

The Boston Symphony were performing Beethoven’s Ninth

In the piece, there’s a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak out and go to a nearby tavern for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double ...

Do you want to hear a joke about the Boston Marathon?

Never mind. I'll never finish it.

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.

We have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this and anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so th...

In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.

Everyone laughed at the coincidence...

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

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A Russian, a Japanese dude and a guy from Boston were caught by a group of cannibals...

The leader said to them "we are going to eat you and use your skin to make a canoe, but we will give you the choice of killing yourselves in which ever way you want".
The Russian made a grunting sound then snapped his neck clean off. The Japanese guy took out his samurai sword and honorably kill...

My cat isn’t a huge Boston Legal fan.

She doesn’t like that James Spader.

I’ve never met a racist person from Boston

Or at least I’ve never heard them use a hard R

What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party?

The price is too steep!

What do a chicken and a Boston dog have in common?

They both bawk!

I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing.

It was a running joke.

What do you call a shooting in a Boston Catholic Church?

A Mass mass mass shooting.

What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose?

His breath.

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

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A new highly infectious virus has broken out in Boston causing large amounts of people to sneeze so hard fall on their ass.

They’re calling the “mass achoo sits”.

Why did the sheep go to Boston?

To drink at the Bahs.

How does an american make a cup of tea

They Boil a cup of boston harbour water

Did you hear about the Boston chef who died?

They could not find the sauce of his illness

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

Two middle aged women are in Boston's fish market on Friday.

"I come here every Friday to get scrod!"

"I do too, but I didn't know it has a past tense."

Boston’s dead crows

On interstate I-95 running from Boston to New Hampshire they had a problem with crows being hit by vehicles. They were being killed by the hundreds. They hired a professor from MIT to figure out why so many crows were being hit. He discovered that when crows land to feed, they leave one crow in the ...

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.

They love Shaq Week.

What do you call thrift shopping in Boston?

Good Will hunting

I used to own a Raven in Boston

It could speak English, but the only word it knew was "Car"

What does a former CIA agent who leaked classified information and the city of Boston have in common?

They're both snowed in.

What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean?

A Shaq attack

A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says,

"Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer?

She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.

A few years ago, in the Boston area,

A large number of crows were found dead on the sides of the road. Ornithologists, were afraid of a new strain of Avian Flu, so they collected a few bodies to perform autopsies on. They ended up finding paint chips on every single one of the birds, so they analyzed them, and found that they were fro...

A man walks into a bar...

A man walks into a bar and sees a very small man playing the piano. The guy couldn’t be more than a foot tall he was that short. The man walks up to the bartender and says “woah, does this place have any other cool tricks?”

The bartender replies “sure, there’s a magic mirror in the bathroom.”...

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If a guy from Boston ever asks if you want to smoke a hookah be careful

You might end up shooting a prostitute.

the latest news from the boston bombing

authorities think it was race related.

[Original] Boston roommate.

My roommate's from Boston. This morning, he's still in the house after I got up.

"Aren't you late for work?", I asked.

"Yeah, I'm looking for my khakis"

"Look for them when you get back"

"Well, how the hell am I supposed to get in my car?"

While we still don't know the motivations or the thought process behind the Boston Bombings

I think it's safe to say that the perpetrators are racists.

Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team?

They were truly ruthless.

Bill Cosby awarded another honorary degree from Boston University,

this time is was Anesthesiology.

From the Confessions page of MIT-Boston (ROFL Material)

#8132
During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't). When I got home, my b.f seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat an...

Einstein is on a train leaving New York.

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

Propaganda correct definition

When someone from Boston takes a really good look at something.

A man decides he wants to try the Boston seafood specialty of scrod

A businessman arriving in Boston for a convention found that his first evening was free, and he decided to go find a good seafood restaurant that served scrod, a Massachusetts specialty. Getting into a taxi, he asked the cab driver, "Do you know where I can get scrod around here?" "Sure," said the c...

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by...

A man goes to Boston

A man goes on a business trip to Boston. He has never been there before and wants to try some of the local food. His friends all told him to try the sea food. Especially Boston Scrod.

So as he gets into the taxi at the airport he ask the driver "Do you know where I can get Scrod?"

The ...

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Costume party in Boston

So a charitable organization in Boston throws a costume party fundraiser. The theme of the party is Emotions, and the partygoers are supposed to dress like an emotion.

So at about midnight, a man stumbles up to the door in a wedding gown. He's stopped by the door man.

"Da fucka you do...

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

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A middle-class white woman goes to a beach, pulls out a mug and fills it with sea water.

She takes a large swig and sighs with relief as she gulps. A nearby beach-goer sees this.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drinking tea," replied the woman.

"Tea?"

"Yes, tea."

"That's not tea!" said the beach-goer.

"I think you'll find that this is the strongest t...

HAPPY FOURH OF JULY

Looking for the T?

It's in Boston Harbor.

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