What do you call a hot chick in Boston?

A tourist

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A guy from Boston was driving down a New Hampshire country road.

He saw a farmer out in his field, doing something near a horse drawn wagon. His interest piqued, he pulled over and got out to watch. After a while, it became clear the farmer was picking something up out of the plowed field and tossing it into the back of the wagon. As the farmer got closer, the gu...

a guy is talking to his firends

he says:

"why always a british person says the word british, it sounds like bri'ish"


a british man listens and responds:


"after the Boston incident we always hide our t's"

Dead Crows

During a review of accident statistics, it was noticed that one particular intersection in Boston had an inordinately high number of dead crows, presumably killed by motor vehicle strikes. Further study revealed the oddity that in every case, the dead crow had been killed by a truck—never a passenge...

A Chicago Blackhawks fan, a Boston Bruins fan, a Montreal Canadiens fan, and a Toronto Maple Leafs fan are climbing up a cliff.

They are arguing over who is most loyal to their team. It gets to the point where, when they are halfway up the cliff, the Bruins fan yells, "This is for Boston!" He then jumps off the cliff and dies.

The three remaining climbers continue to climb until they are three-quarters of the way up t...

I told my friend in Boston that I was autistic.

He said “so can you drawr me a Pictsha?”

What do you call an evil genius in Boston?

Wicked smaht

Why do British people pronounce it "bri'ish"?

Because after the incident in Boston, they always hide the t

If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tabet, and a 2 L's is a beast of burden, then what is a three L Lama?

A big fire in Boston

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A young kid from Alabama moves to New York

He goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
He sits down, greets the manager and shakes his hand.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid replies, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Alabama"
They talk and get acquainted and the...

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

A businessman arrives in Boston and hails a cab at the airport.

Being a great lover of fish and hoping to try out a local speciality for dinner, he says to the driver, "Say, could you tell me please, where's the best place in town to get scrod?"

The cabbie says, "Well, sir, I must get asked that question ten thousand times a year, but never before in the ...

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Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blur...

They say “cellar door” is the prettiest combination of words in the English language,

Unless you live in Boston.

My Son’s Class Did a Play for the Boston Tea Party.

His teacher told him he would be the tea that was thrown in the harbor. She said he could pick to be any type of tea he’d like. He got so upset that he started running around the class throwing things. I guess he chose to be not tea.

Avian Flu scare in Massachusetts

Breaking news... Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was d...

The Twelve Thank You Notes Of Christmas

Dec 25

My dearest darling Edward,

What a wonderful surprise has just greeted me! That sweet partridge, in that lovely little pear tree; what an enchanting, romantic, poetic present! Bless you, and thank you.

Your deeply loving,

Emily

Dec 26

Beloved Edward,...

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Bragging Doctors

Doc 1 bragged, "I had a patient once who blew out his ACL & MCL. I reconstructed his knee, and 2 years later he completed the Boston marathon."

Doc 2 replied, "That's nothing! I had a patient who was in a head-on collision with a truck. I reconstructed virtually all of his joints and more...

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One ticket to Boobston

The year is 1993 a young upstart business executive has to take a quick trip to Boston for a board meeting.

Running late he didn't have time to have his administrative assistant call ahead and book his flight, so he decided just to do it himself once he got to the airport.

After being ...

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

A woman accidentally locked her keys in her car and was pacing frantically on the side of the street, when a soldier from Boston passing by saw this and assured her that he could help. She looked on in amazement as he removed his trousers, rolled them into a tight ball...

...and rubbed them against the car door.

Magically, it opened!!

"That's incredible!!" the woman gasped. "How did you do it?"

"Easy..." replied the soldier. "These are my khakis."

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Anybody interested in a free ride in a helicopter for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more adults to join me and my wife.

We leave early Saturday morning (Feb 6th) from New York and will fly to Boston , where we will have breakfast, then have lunch on a friend’s yacht.
Then we’ll do a flight along the coast, up to Cape Elizabeth returning to Boston for dinner, then fly back home. If interested, please message me. ...

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Its 1848 and two hunters from Boston are on a buffalo hunting expedition. They've hired the famous Blackfoot tracker, Grey Owl to track and locate buffalo for them.

As they follow Grey Owl's trail, they catch sight of him just ahead.

Grey Owl has his ear to the ground, and as the two hunters get close he says, "Three wagons, each pulled by four oxen pass this spot 20 minutes ago!"

The hunters are blown away! This is amazing! One of them asks, "Can...

What do you call a Redditor from Boston on his Cake Day?

A kahma fahma

(Does this break rule 8?)

A young man goes to a formal ball in Boston.

He parks his car, goes up to the venue, and he has a great time. He meets a young woman there, and the two of them hit it off.

“I came here on the bus,” she says, “Would you mind giving me a ride home?”

So obviously he says yes, and the two of them leave the venue together. When the...

Trying to remember the name of that 80's sitcom set in a bar in Boston

If anybody can help me out that would be great.



Cheers.

Some people from Britain call themselves "Bri-ish" because

After the incident in Boston Harbor they need to hide their T

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Boston?" The clerk said, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the man said and hung up.

Alabama boy goes to Boston for an interview

He had gone to the University of Alabama on a football scholarship and maybe took a few too many hits to the helmet.

He stopped in a coffee shop before heading to the interview and saw a pretty girl sitting at a table with a few college books. He got his drink and approached her.

In a ...

Imagine this told with a Boston accent...

Why are there 239 beans in every can of Bostons baked beans?

Because if there was even 1 more, they'd be too farty.

Why hasn't anyone from Boston ever become a pirate?

Because they can't pronounce their AAARRRRRRs

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What do Hitler and the Boston Marathon victims have in common?

Neither of them could finish a race.

Where do people from Boston go to buy antique adult movies?

A Pawn Shawp

Who is a Boston Terrier’s favorite classical composer?

Bach

What does a Boston Majorette do with their baton?

Toilet

What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?

The Boston Flea Party!

Why did Americans throw tea into the Boston harbor?

They didn’t want that king of tea. They wanted liber-tea.

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston marathon bomber?

The bomber actually stopped a race

Yesterday, I got a facial cosmetic treatment in Boston.

It was more than a peeling.

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While playing in my local basketball rec league, I once thought that my next game would be against the Boston Celtics.

I was proven wrong once the game started and I got a good look at the opponents. They wore grey instead of green. Likewise, Kemba Walker, Jayson Tatum, Gordon Hayward, and Jaylen Brown were nowhere to be found.

Instead, I found myself face-to-face with a bunch of stinky, over-weight neckbea...

I killed the Boston Strangler and took his jewelry stash

Thanks for the gold kind strangler!

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider this...

A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After
almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue and they
decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but
they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road....

One night, a Boston police officer knocked on a woman's door.

"Ma'am", he said, removing his hat, "I'm here about your husband. We have bad and good news".

"Please, give me the bad news first", the woman replies.

The officer replied: "I'm sorry, but somone stabbed your husband, cut his skin off and threw his corpse in the harbor."

The woma...

Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night?

So they can't drive home.

How does an american make a cup of tea

They Boil a cup of boston harbour water

Propaganda correct definition

When someone from Boston takes a really good look at something.

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won?

5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old

Do you want to hear a joke about the Boston Marathon?

Never mind. I'll never finish it.

The Boston Zoo had a large problem.

The Boston Zoo had a very large problem. Their most popular attraction, a gorilla named Jamie, had died unexpectedly in the night. Ticket sales were projected to plummet if this gorilla couldn’t be seen, so the zoo manager decided to hire a man to dress up in a gorilla costume and pretend to be Jami...

How do you know when a man from Boston is aroused?

He'll have a hat on.

Boston people are so rude.

I see this guy searching under his Prius, and I ask him how I can help.

He tells me hes looking for his shorts, and then flips out when I point out he is wearing them.

Its not my fault the idiot told me he lost his khakis.

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What do you call it when you have sex and climax in a Massachusetts girl?

Boston Creme Pie

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A middle-class white woman goes to a beach, pulls out a mug and fills it with sea water.

She takes a large swig and sighs with relief as she gulps. A nearby beach-goer sees this.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm drinking tea," replied the woman.

"Tea?"

"Yes, tea."

"That's not tea!" said the beach-goer.

"I think you'll find that this is the strongest t...

A new study has found that 98% of vehicular collisions with crows in Boston involve trucks and other large vehicles

Apparently they can all yell “cah, cah,” but not “bus, bus.”

The Bee Joke

Once, there was a bee who lived in a very complex bee hive. All the bees residing in this hive lived very happily with their own tasks and aspirations. However, this particular bee, named Bart, was quite special. He was an incredibly intelligent bee who matured and learned far faster than his bee pe...

My cat isn’t a huge Boston Legal fan.

She doesn’t like that James Spader.

Shortly after take-off on an outbound, evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following announcement in her lovely Irish brogue:

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm so very sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering service.

We have 103 passengers on board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals. I truly apologize for this and anyone who is kind enough to give up their meal so th...

Wedding Same Day As Superbowl! Help Requested:

A friend of mine has two tickets for the 2019 Super bowl in Atlanta. They are box seats plus airfare and hotel accommodations. He didn’t realize when he bought the tickets that it is the same day as his wedding – so he can’t go.

If you’re interested and want to go instead of him, it’s at St....

What did the colonist say at the Boston Tea Party?

The price is too steep!

In a suburb of Boston, there was a Catholic church across the street from a Jewish synagogue.

Over the years, a friendly rivalry had grown between the two congregations. One weekend, the members of the synagogue gave their long-time rabbi a brand new Cadillac. By sheer coincidence, the parishioners gave their pastor a new Cadillac on the same day.

Everyone laughed at the coincidence...

I’ve never met a racist person from Boston

Or at least I’ve never heard them use a hard R

I watch the Boston Marathon every year with my best friend. This year his girlfriend decided to join us, but she just couldn't understand why we were laughing.

It was a running joke.

What does the winner of the Boston Marathon lose?

His breath.

What has three arms, four legs, and two elbows?

The Boston marathon finish line.

The Boston Symphony were performing Beethoven’s Ninth

In the piece, there’s a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak out and go to a nearby tavern for a quick one. After slamming several beers in quick succession (as double ...

What do you call a shooting in a Boston Catholic Church?

A Mass mass mass shooting.

What do a chicken and a Boston dog have in common?

They both bawk!

Why did the sheep go to Boston?

To drink at the Bahs.

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.

They love Shaq Week.

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

HAPPY FOURH OF JULY

Looking for the T?

It's in Boston Harbor.

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Answer

My fourteen-year-old son and I were lying on our backs on the grass in the park, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, “Dad, why are we here?”

And this is what I said:

“I’ve thought a lot about it, son, and I don’t think it’s all that complicated. I think maybe we’re h...

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Coffee and a Blowjob.

A friend of a guy in the Nutrition School at Tufts was one of the lucky passengers on board a Northwest Airlines flight to Boston during our recent hurricane “Bob”. The captain did his best to skirt the edge of the storm, but it was a pretty rough ride just the same – rough enough that the flight at...

Did you hear about the Boston chef who died?

They could not find the sauce of his illness

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A new highly infectious virus has broken out in Boston causing large amounts of people to sneeze so hard fall on their ass.

They’re calling the “mass achoo sits”.

What do you call thrift shopping in Boston?

Good Will hunting

Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal.

So, what is a three 'L' lama?

A big fire in Boston.

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Two men with black eyes are sitting at a bar

One turns to the other and asks “how did you get your black eye?”

The other man replies “I need a ticket from Boston to Pittsburgh, and the cashier selling the tickets had large, firm breasts. I tried not to think about them when I ordered my ticket but when she asked me what I wanted I said ...

A few years ago, in the Boston area,

A large number of crows were found dead on the sides of the road. Ornithologists, were afraid of a new strain of Avian Flu, so they collected a few bodies to perform autopsies on. They ended up finding paint chips on every single one of the birds, so they analyzed them, and found that they were fro...

Einstein is on a train leaving New York.

He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

Bad weather..

I just received this report from a friend in the USA regarding the bad weather there at the moment. He lives in Boston and for the last 2 days they’ve had non stop snow temperatures of -16 degrees and gale force winds of up to 60mph. They are totally isolated and his mother-in-law hasn’t done any...

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I'm going to start a business in India,

but have technical support staff in Boston. See how those bastards like it.

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So there's this duck...

...and one day he's walkin down the street when he gets a huge craving for some donuts. So he goes to the bakery and walks in and says to the baker "hey man can i get a dozen donuts, half glazed and half boston creme?" And the baker's like "No, you can't. We don't serve ducks here." And the duck's a...

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the Pope and the baseball fans

On a tour of Florida, the Pope took a couple of days off to visit the coast for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the beach when there was a frantic fight just off shore. A man, wearing a Boston Red Sox jersey, was struggling to free himself from the jaws of a 25ft shark.

As the Pope ...

What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean?

A Shaq attack

A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head...

The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that thing?"
Suddenly, the frog replies, "Boston, they're all over the place!"

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One day Reddit's avatar, Snoo, dies and is greeted by St. Peter

One day Reddit's avatar, Snoo, dies and reaches the pearly gates of heaven.

Saint Peter looks at him.

"Oh, I know you! You're Snoo! Reddit's avatar!"

Snoo is intrigued by this moment. He *is known beyond this world*?

"Snoo, I've looked over your life's history. You're ju...

What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?

Cheat-o's

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