One time last year when I was in Baltimore out late, I got jumped by three big black guys.

They were real nice, car started right up with no problems, and they even helped me get back to the interstate.

I ran into your mom in Baltimore and she gave me a present...

Real Maryland Crabs

Did you hear the latest joke about Baltimore?

It's a riot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Statistics show 65% of Baltimore men have had sex in the shower.

The other 35% haven't been to prison yet.

Have you heard about the rioting in Baltimore?

So far they've caused 4 million dollars in improvements.

A friend went to the CVS in Baltimore after the looting to pick up some items,

the only things left behind were sun tan lotion and father's day cards.

Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore?

The only thing they left were the work boots.

A man from Baltimore dies and goes to hell...

He had been a bad man his entire life and therefore the devil made sure to give him extra work in the hottest fiery pit of hell. After a week goes by, the devil stops by to see how miserable the man is, but instead finds the man happily going about his work. He asks the man:
"Why are you so damn ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Young boy goes up to his Dad and asks "Where did I come from?"

His father sighs and says "I was hoping your mother would get this question but OK I will explain".

"So when a man and woman are in love and want to have a baby they get naked and get into bed and then they touch each other and kiss and the man touches the woman's breasts and vagina and the w...

Rioters are destroying Baltimore.

Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe.

What's black and loves to destroy Baltimore?

The Pittsburgh Steelers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I won a fight that was five against one in Baltimore today.

We totally kicked the shit out of that guy.

An illustrious Count, Wictor Oblodowsky, agrees to conduct Beethoven's 9th Symphony in a Baltimore gym.

He's hesitant at first. He'd only been to America once before, and it was a favor for a friend. The oboist in his orchestra kindly loaned him the first season of The Wire, but the Count never watched it, as he'd never gotten around to buying a DVD player.

After an uneventful flight and some t...

What is Baltimore's favourite instrument

The lute

Which U.S city loves Indian food the most...

Baltimore

...it's not that bad.

Bob was sitting on the plane, waiting to fly to Baltimore, when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, obviously in fear.

"What's the matter," Bob asked, "flying bother you?"

"No, I've been transferred to Baltimore. I've heard things are ...

The people of Baltimore played GTA yesterday...

Tonight they will see the National Guard play Call of Duty.

What's the number for Baltimore chiropractic services?

9-1-1

Soo.... baltimore.

Probably not the best idea to burn down a cvs pharmacy. The entire city needs a chill pill.

What do your mom and the Baltimore Police have in common?

They both like giving nickel rides to black men!

I had a joke about the Baltimore Riots

But someones already stolen it :(

Baltimore Ravens go low carb

Baltimore ravens go low carb and cut Rice. (I will see myself out)

A lawyer boarded an airplane

in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haug...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living.
Timmy stood up and said, "My mom is a Doctor!"
Sarah stood up and said, "My father is a professor!"
All of the class but Little Johnny had answered.
The teacher called on Johnny and he slowly walk to the fron...

True story...I was getting a hair cut...

...and wanted to start a conversation with the lady cutting my hair. Maybe she likes birds, so I tried, "This morning when I opened my garage door I heard six different kinds of bird song in the first 30 seconds."

"Yeah, I guess." OK, she is not interested in birds. Maybe sports, "This weeken...

Get rich quick scheme #12

Sell windows/glass in Baltimore

I have the heart of a lion.

And a lifetime ban from the Baltimore Zoo.

I hope the Orioles keep up their winning streak,

Baltimore has been on fire lately.

Topical Jokes for 6/13

A woman at an Arizona Burger King found a razor blade in her salad. Even more amazing, she found a salad inside a Burger King.

A new study has discovered that dinosaurs were neither warm-blooded, nor cold-blooded. Which is the perfect dinosaur trivia, if you desperately need to end a conversa...

A mailman is baffled at how to mail a letter addressed "to the greatest drummer in the world."

So what is he supposed to do? He's gotta send it. He hoofs it back to the post office, and shows it to his boss. The boss says, "come on man, send it to Chick Webb." So he does.

Chick Webb, the bandleader from Baltimore, sees the letter on his kitchen table and says, "Jesus! That can't be for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

normally don't like longer jokes but, this is funny

A US Navy cruiser was anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening in port, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy, influential plantation owner (who also happened to be a very generous political donor). It read:

"Dear Ca...

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