A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

"So tell me," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me.."
"Yes?.." says the surgeon.
"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I check how it's running, open it up, fix the valves...

Marriage banter

Wife: I had to marry you to find out how stupid you are.

Husband: You should have known it the minute I asked you to marry me.

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A guy walks into a pet shop, looking to replace his lost wife. Immediately, a parrot befriends him....

Parrot says, "I love you, you're the greatest!"
Having just had lost people close to him, he is enamored.
"Come home with me," he says,
Parrot says, "Please!"
After bringing the parrot home and securing it in a safe space, Parrot says:
"I hate it here. You're an asshole."
This bant...

Descartes and Gotye walk into a bar.

They're having some friendly banter, you know? Well, Descartes pops off with this: "Gotye, you're gonna be a one hit wonder, mate."

Gotye chuckles, saying: "No, I don't think..." as he turns into dust.

Now Descartes throws his head back, laughing, and says: "Now you're just somebody t...

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3 men shipwrecked on desert island

(Beer garden banter joke. Works best when you use yourself and people you know as the protagonists, just replace names and choose the butt of the joke)

3 men get shipwrecked on a desert island.
Their boat ruined they head in-land to find salvation, when out of the trees lunges a huge 7 fo...

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Can you imagine being part of a discussion on ant puns?

I cAnt even Anticipate that bAnter

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Jack Black, Kyle Gass, and a horse walk into a bar

They sit down, order drinks, have a little bit of conversation.

The bartender is having a great time. The boys are funny, Jack Black is more charming in person than he has been in recent days. They're having some light banter about this and that.

The bartender asks them, "So boys...wha...

All the single ladles

Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her a...

Lighthearted talk about patriotism...

is Star Spangled Banter

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A poor guy and his rich friend meet up every christmas for dinner.

They start bantering about life and get to what they're getting their wives for christmas.
Rich guy says: "Well I got my wife two gifts; a Lamborghini and a diamond ring"

"Why two gifts?" replies the poor guy

"Because that way if she doesn't like the ring, she can use the Lambo to r...

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I am a little O.C.D when I masturbate

I can’t cum without touching myself like a thousand times




Credit- Mike Falzone from Dynamic Banter podcast

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A Revolutionary War Hero Visits England..

A Revolutionary War hero was visiting England, where he was subject to considerable teasing banter.

The British would make fun of the Americans and General Washington in particular and one day they got a picture of General Washington and displayed it prominently in the outhouse so the Americ...

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those dam...

There is a line at the pearly gates and St. Peter says,

"Ladies and Gentlemen, heaven has reached its capacity. We can only take in ten more souls, so we have decided to take the ten that have the most interesting story of their death."

Many souls tell their tales and St. Peter grants nine souls their entry. The very next soul that comes up has on...

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