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Reporter: what are your views on nine eleven?

Me: Its a fun thing. The driver needs to be skilled tho. My favourite is twin t..

Reporter: hold the fuck up

Me: twin t... Twin turbo one with the flat head.

Reporter: Oh.... Fuckin petrolhead

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that they would grant them one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN reporter said "well I'm an American, so I'd like one last hamburger with fries."

The leader nodded to an underling, who then returned with a burger and fries. The repo...

A reporter asked a man how he felt when he found out that he won the lottery.

"As soon I saw the numbers line up, I knew it was going to be wife changing."

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A reporter walks into a bar

A reporter walks into a bar in a small Louisiana town. He's been sent by his editor in the big city to get a human interest story, and so he walks up to some burly guy in overalls and offers him a drink in return for the story of the best day of his life.

"Best day? Well, that must've been th...

OJ Simpson was being interviewed the other day. The reporter asked if he'd considered getting married again.

OJ said he had thought about taking another stab at it.

A reporter goes to a distant town in Alaska.

First he goes by train and then he has to ride a dog sled for several hours to get there. Upon arriving, he asks the town mayor:

"Have you considered building a train station closer to the town?"

"We have," answers the mayor, "but we eventually decided that the train station should be ...

A reporter surveys the common people

"What's your opinion on the hike in fuel prices?"

"I didn't know there was a hike. I always get fuel for 50 bucks and no one has asked for more"

A reporter is interviewing a wealthy investor and asks what the secrets were to his success. “Well, I’ll tell you one of the best financial decisions I made was based on stock advice I got from a shoe shiner”

“I figured if my shoe shiner is giving out stock tips, it’s probably right to get out of the market”

A quarterback was being interviewed only moments before the start of the game. The reporter had 3 quick questions: "Your favorite pizza? Your favorite Star Wars character? Your favorite non-football activity?"

His answers were just as brief:

"Hut, Hutt, Hike!"

A reporter is at the airport, writing a piece on the womanising reputation of airline pilots.

She approaches a handsome, uniformed captain and asks, "for my article, can you please tell me the last time you made love?“

“It was 1959“, says the pilot.

"Oh wow, that long ago?" she responds, "I thought you airline pilots held a reputation as real ladies men"

Pilot looks at h...

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A sexy female TV reporter, with big boobs, interviews a farmer, asking the cause of Mad Cow disease.

Lady: Sir, we are here to get info on what causes Mad Cow Disease. Do you have any idea?

The farmer said, "Do you know that a Bull screws a cow only once a year?"

Lady: (embarrassed) "Well, that's a piece of valuable info, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow dis...

A reporter in the old west.

An old west dime novel writer is out looking for a good story when he wanders into a saloon. He sees a group of rough rider lookin' scoundrels playing poker and he musters up enough courage to sit down with 'em (thinkin' he might get a story out if he was lucky). "Mind if I play?"

The others ...

A European man was asked by a reporter what he thought of America

The man replied "America? That's my favorite sitcom!"

Reporter: "This local man is suffering with a disease that causes holes to suddenly appear on his body."

"Tonight, on the 6PM news, he opens up about his problem."

Reporter to Trump: What do you think about all the lying you have done?

Trump: I never lie. But when I do, I tell the most beautiful lies. The most magnificent lies. But I never lie. Really I don’t.


Some people do think I lie on the bed though. But I never lie.

A reporter asked trump what the letter J in Donald.J.Trump stands for ?

He replied " Jenius"

A reporter goes to see an inventor who claims to have invented a machine that can answer any question

The reporter is asked to speak his question into the microphone and the machine will answer it with 100% accuracy.

Sceptical but curious the reporter starts easy, "Where is my mother?"

The machine bleeps and buzzes and then announces "Your mother is at her book club, they have just rev...

A police officer was answering questions of a reporter at an accident site.

Officer: "I want your news report to mention that how useful a helmet can be. This person fell in a 30ft pit while riding a bike at 100mph, still there not a single scratch on his face because he was wearing a helmet."

Report: "Wow! That's just miraculous. Can we get an interview with that pe...

A rookie reporter gets his first interview with a guy who castrates camels.

Not knowing where to start he asks: “how do you castrate a camel?”
The guy repsonds: “Well I take two large flat stones and slap them together.”

The shocked reporter asks: “Isn’t that a very painful ordeal?”

“No, you just have to make sure your fingers don’t get stuck inbetween thos...

A reporter went to a mental hospital to talk with the doctor.

Reporter: Doctor, how do you decide who to admit and who not to?

Doctor: We give the person a spoon, a cup and a bucket and tell them to empty a bathtub filled with water.

Reporter: That's smart as a sane person will use the bucket to empty it.

Doctor: A sane person will remove...

A news reporter visits a hen about a huge egg she laid

“This is amazing,” they tell the hen, “a two pound egg, that’s unheard of! Do you have any goals for the future?” “Yes, I’m really aiming for a four pounder!” says the hen proudly.

“And you, sir, congratulations,” the reporters approach the rooster, “what are your goals for the future?” The ...

A reporter jumped out of the window and said

A reporter jumped out of the window and said: "I'm on air"

Times were tough at the Daily Planet and Perry White was forced to fire a star reporter. Either Lois Lane or Clark Kent.

He struggled making a decision for days until he went to the grocery store and saw a sign. The next day he called both of them into his office where fired Lois Lane. After she left, Clark Kent asked him, "Perry, how did you decide which of us to fire?" He replied, "I couldn't make a decision until I...

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A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern

And is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat.

It didn’t take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.

The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, “Drinks...

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A reporter is having lunch in a park in Manchester...

She sees a child playing, when all of a sudden a large angry dog bounces towards the child, picking the child up and shaking it..

All of a sudden a teenage lad runs towards them, wresting the child from certain death and in the process kills the Savage dog.

The Reporter sensing a gre...

A forger was arrested and thrown in jail for making counterfeit money

Later, a reporter visited his cell for an interview and asked him “Why did you make counterfeit money?”

The forger thought for a while before he replied, saying “Because making real money is impossible.”

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A Labour politician, a BBC TV reporter and a British SAS soldier were captured by ISIS...

They were, as usual, sentenced to death by beheading.

Unexpectedly, the ISIS leader said they could have one last request before their sentence was carried out...

The Labour politician asked to hear a rendering of "Keep the Red Flag Flying Here".

The BBC TV reporter asked that t...

What should you name your kid if you want them to be a good news reporter when they grow up?

Justin

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Reporter and the Man

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."
...

NASA has been sending animals to space.

They started with a cow and a pig.
But the rocket failed at takeoff and ejected both animals.
The pig was disintegrated on the way back down the earth but the cow survived and landed safely on earth.
At the the press briefing reporters asked the NASA scientists how the cow survived and pig...

A reporter is interviewing the President of the United States…

WALLACE (Interviewer) But I've got to tell you, if I may, sir, respectfully, in the Fox poll, they asked people, who is more competent? Who's got -- whose mind is sounder? Biden beats you in that.
TRUMP: Well, I'll tell you what, let's take a test. Let's take a test right now. Let's go down, Jo...

Reporter: “Sir, did you mean to come up with the, now famous, ‘no pun in ten did’ joke?”

“Nope, unintended.”

A reporter interviews a sheep farmer.

They are standing next to a large meadow where lots of black and white sheep are being pastured.

"So how much grass do the sheep eat every day?" asks the reporter.

"Do you mean black or white sheep?" asks he farmer.

"Okay, let's say black."

"Oh, they eat about ten pounds ...

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

A reporter visits a small village farm to interview a farmer about his sheep.

Reporter:So Billy,what do feed your sheep?

Billy:I feed the white one corn mix.

Reporter:what about the black one?

Billy:I feed it corn mix as well.

Reporter: Ok,where do your sheep sleep...

Reporter to the world’s first trillionaire: “Sir, what are you going to do with all that money?”.

“I can buy a chicken and some bread now!”, says Abou, while walking out of his bank in Zimbabwe

A reporter is interviewing the pope...

Reporter: Are you a theist?
Pope: No, I'm a theist!

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A man with no ears

A man with no ears is trying to find a news reporter for his news show.

The first guy walks in and the boss says, "'This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "'Well, shit! You got no ears, man!" So the boss yells, ·Get the f\*\...

A foreign reporter asked a Beijing citizen for his opinion on the government's handling of the Corona virus

"I can't say"

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Fake news

A football fan in Liverpool saw a Vicious dog attacking a pram. He ran over and fought the dog and killed it. A reporter from the Liverpool Echo says to him, "you're a hero and I can see the headlines now.

Liverpool fan saves baby from dog!"

The fan says, "I'm not a Liverpool fan."...

What would the headline be if Barack Obama walked on water across a lake in full view of a Fox News reporter?

"OBAMA CAN'T SWIM"

A reporter interviews a farmer

A reporter is interviewing a farmer as a segment for her local news station. The interview goes like this:

"So tell me about these cows, what do these cows eat?"
"which one, the black one or the brown one?"
"the black one"
"that one eats grass"
"okay, what about the brown one?"...

A reporter is interviewing a millionare

Reporter:how did you became a millionare?

Millionare: All of this is because of my wife, she helps me a lot

Reporter: Then what were you when u haven't met ur wife

Millionare: A billionaire.

A blind man is being interviewed about an experimental procedure to restore his sight

A reporter asks him what he thinks will happen.


The blind man responds, “I don’t know, I guess I’ll see.”

A reporter visits Afghanistan,

A reporter visits Afghanistan to report on a recent bombing. On her way to the bomb-site, she sees the women walking ten steps behind the men. Enraged, the reporter asks her translator why the women are walking 10 steps behind. The translator replies, “It is because women are considered 2nd class ci...

A reporter is talking to a 17 year old hockey player

The reporter is asking the kid questions and the coach walks by and says “tell them what you know kid it won’t take very long.” The kid looks back at the coach and says, “ I’ll tell them what we both know it won’t take any longer.”

A CNN reporter walks into a White House press meeting

[removed]

A reporter asked the president why the National Mint had been shut down

The president paused for a moment, then shrugged and said, “It just made cents.”

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A reporter was interviewing Dick Cheney after his term was up at the White House.

A reporter was interviewing Dick Cheney after his term was up in the white house. The reporter asked “What did you and George do for fun when things got boring?"

"Well we'd run 2 laps around the white house and see who had the best time. My best was 10:24".

"Wow," said the reporter, "t...

My girlfriend just told me that I had to choose between her and my career as a reporter.

Well, I have some breaking news for her.

REPORTER: "Mr. Trump, how are you feeling today after hearing the charges have been made official?"

DONALD: "I'm peachy"

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