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“Alexa, turn on CNN. I want to hear the news.”

“You’ll have to pick one or the other.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter walks into a neighborhood tavern

And is about to order a drink when he sees a guy at the end of the bar wearing a “Make America Great Again” hat.

It didn’t take an Einstein to know the guy was a Donald Trump supporter.

The CNN guy shouts over to the bartender, loudly enough that everyone in the bar could hear, “Drinks...

CNN has just reported that Monika Lewinski will be helping with the Donald Trump for president campaign.

Apparently, the last time she endorsed a Clinton, it left a bad taste in her mouth.

How did CNN react to Jeffrey Epstein's death?

Fake noose!

What's the difference between CNN and the Titanic?

The Titanic had all of its anchors when it sank

A CNN reporter walks into a White House press meeting

[removed]

CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

CNN is like a strip club...

They keep dancing around all the polls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...

US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.

I am not sure the news anchors at CNN and FOX are very handy at home.

All I ever hear is them breaking the news.

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing.

The President invites the Pope to lunch on a boat. The Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place.

The crew and the Secret Service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Biden waved them off, saying, "Never mind boys, I'll get it."

Then Joe climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up,

walked back on the water, climbed into the yacht,...

What has worse ratings than my Tinder account?

CNN

Why was CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin jacking off on a Zoom call?

Because last month they switched over from WebEx.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Breaking: CNN legal analyst caught masturbating on a Zoom call

Guess you could say he just couldn't keep his Toobin his pants

Jeffrey Toobin wanted to sue over his CNN suspension

But his lawyers said it would not stand up in court.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CNN ran a story about leaked pictures of Donald Trump's penis.

But it turned out to be fake nudes.

After binge watching CNN, fox, and msnbc - simultaneously - for nearly two days - a man decided he would hang himself in protest of the media's lack of integrity...

Thankfully was unsuccessful. The rope broke.

He probably would be dead right now if not for that fake noose.

CNN & NBC news report (political humor)

*Breaking news*

A man has killed twenty people today in a walmart with a gun. The man has been identified as muhammed takbir muhammed. He is an unemployed son of a family that immigrated to the united states ten years ago from Afghanistan.

Multiple witnesses say the man was yelling "A...

Why California is broke and Texas is not.

The governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out and attacks the governor's dog, then bites the governor. The governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie Bambi and then realizes he should stop because the coyote is only doing what is natural.<...

Up next on CNN

Up next on CNN, Jeffery Toobin massages the news.

On CNN I just saw a headline that said "Reddit Revolts"

My first thought was, "Mr. CNN reporter. You don't know the internet very well do you. Reddit is revolting every day"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who’d been praying at the Western Wall twice a day, every day, for a long time...

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If CNN released photos of Stormy Daniels & Trump

Do you know what he'd call them?



Fake Nudes.

SNL should parody CNN by having Tina Fey be a news correspondent delivering headlines from a canoe.

They call the segment "Fey Canoes."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Fox News and CNN journalists go to the same gym?

It has a really great spin class.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A CNN reporter is in Israel

She see's a man praying by the Wailing Wall. She walks up to the man and begins interviewing him.

"Sir, how long have you been praying here"

Looking at his watch, the man replies, "I have been praying here for 60 years, 3 months, 17 days, and 3 hours"

"Sir, what have you been pr...

CNN BREAKING NEWS:

Anonymous hero donates hospital 200 human kidneys.

Mom: did you see how your grandfather get interviewed by CNN?

me: Yea mom that’s old news

My friends say that too much of today's news can be discouraging--they say my habit of constantly reloading the CNN app will make me depressed.

but I think it's refreshing.

CNN recently released a new report from one of Trumps closest aides. The unnamed source has disclosed that Trump has been diagnosed with sphincter dysfunction.

President Trump responded: "the news is fake, but the leaks are real."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

CNN recently released Suggestive photos of U.S. President Donald Trump

His first comments on the shocking reveal were the following: “Fake Nudes”

Donald Trump gets executed

and is hanged by the neck until dead.
At Trump Tower, his family watches CNN, which is covering his death live, all of them mournful and teary before Donald himself walks in triumphantly.

"But Donald, CNN says you were killed!" Ivanka cried.

"Nope!" Donnie beamed, holding up the ro...

Breaking News - in Hong Kong, a ship carrying red paint collided with a ship carrying purple paint

CNN reports that both crews are marooned

Idiocracy is showing on Syfy

and CNN right now.

What's the difference between CNN and Al-Jazeera?

CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al-Jazeera shows them landing.

(Not mine, just heard it on the Jimmy Dore show)

also

"My favorite indie band is palestinian. I think they're really going to blow up."

I couldn’t figure out why the season of The Apprentice I was watching was going on for so long. Each week someone gets fired, but we never seem to get down to the final winner!

Then I realized, I was just watching CNN.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar.

Charles XII of Sweden, Darius of Persia and Napoleon are sitting at a bar, watching a military parade on CNN.
Impressed by modern technology Charles XII says - "Man, if i had mechanised infratry like that I'd have kicked ass at the Poltava battle."

Darius replies - "And if i had artille...

Top news stories for yesterday

CNN: Trump phone call

MSNBC: Trump phone call

Fox news: Does walking a dog make you happier?

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

What does CNN call back-to-back aviation disasters?

Christmas in July

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cringe Airlines

What happens when you combine Fox News, CNN, and a Fleshlight.

You get a plane

The right wing, the left wing, and the cockpit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many basement dwellers and deplorables does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's ridiculous I saw on CNN that Hillary has already changed the lightbulb Plus it's not dark and the light bulb isn't broken and anyway who told you it was broken Vladimir Putin? What are you sexist?

How many Syrians does it take to launch a missle?

Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

How do you get Reddit to improve their search function?

Have CNN report on how bad it is

Will reddit let me get by with this one?

What do the WWE and CNN have in common? They're both fake, but sometimes people still get hurt.

Trump's first scandal.

Trump has had his first scandal. According to CNN, Donald Trump has gone to a private dinner with his family without alerting the press core. They've called this 'A dangerous breach of protocol and lack of transparency'.


I guess they're worried that he may have given some classified infor...

The wife and I did the opposite of "netflix and chill" last night...

CNN and panic!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First Time Poster, Go easy on me ... "Hamster"

So.. A guy walks into bar and takes a seat ....

The Barman approaches and says what are you having boss?

The Man replies .. I don't have any money pal ...

Barman says if you don't have any money you can stay here ...

The guy says ...what if i told you i have a hamster th...

Wow... World of Warcraft is getting pretty realistic these days

[Blizzard kills thousands of cows and threatens Texas dairy business](http://money.cnn.com/2016/01/02/news/dairy-texas-storm-goliath/index.html?iid=hp-stack-dom)

Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing

Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...

A guy stuck in the Coronavirus pandemic prays to God for help (not a repost)

He is on his knees begging God for protection from the pandemic. Suddenly, he is distracted by his television. It is the W.H.O. telling people to socially distance and wear a mask in public. He switches it off, because it is distracting him and resumes praying.

The next day, still scared he p...

Long Lost Twins

There's this story on CNN running about these two long lost twins that found each other on Google!

Did ya hear about it?

The one guy down in Mexico, I think, was doing that family tree thing and found out that he had a twin, Ehmal, was taken as a baby with his mother back to the midd...

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