Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity. "You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees....
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.
Trump: “We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we’d have less cases.”
Trump: “Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.”
Joe Biden was having his first briefing as president with the joint chiefs of staff. The topic was the an impending alien invasion, and more specifically an invasion by the aliens known as “the greys”
CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”
Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”
DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s...
Donald Trump is receiving a CoViD-19 briefing in the Oval Office.
The head of the CDC tells the president that today 14 Brazilian people have died from the virus.
Trump shouts “Oh my GOD!” and slams his head down in his hands on the Resolute Desk. He begins to weep.
After a minute or so, he collects himself, looks up from his desk, and asks his advi...
Anthony Fauci is giving the President his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying: ‘‘Yesterday, 300 Brazilians died of COVID.’’ ‘‘Oh no!’’ President Trump exclaims. ‘‘That’s terrible!’’ His staff are stunned at this uncharacteristic display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands. Finally, Trump looks up and asks: ‘‘How many is a...
A death toll too high to imagine
On September 29th 2006 President George W. Bush receives a briefing from one of his staff
"Mr. President, we've just received reports of a commercial plane crash in south America, 154 Brazilian people died."
"Oh my God, that's terrible..." The president replies solemnly, thinking quiet...
I heard Joe Biden was gonna get the same intelligence briefing Trump gets everyday for the first time tomorrow.
Does the coloring book come with crayons?
Donald trump was getting his daily briefing...
“Sir, there was another 60,000 cases of corona and a thousand Americans died”
“Huh” - the orange elder barely nods and continues watching Fox.
“Sir- also there was a riot in downtown DC and two cops and fourteen protesters are dead and sixteen in custody” “Yawn... next”, replies th...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The commanding officer of a regiment in the Army was about to start the morning briefing to his staff, battalion and company commanders. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been...
Did you know every president since Eisenhower has had a daily briefing every morning six days a week?
The only exception was Reagan, who would usually soil himself in the afternoon and require a second pair.
An Air Force Colonel is about to commence briefing his soldiers.
Most of them are standing there naked wondering how they were convinced to play out one of their commander’s fantasies.
Health secretary in a briefing to Trump: "Sir, in Chennai, India 36 Tamillians have been killed due to Corona Virus"
Trump is silent. His lips quiver. His hands shiver. His eyes wells up. He is unable to speak.
Health secretary is stunned. He never imagined that this event could affect him so badly.
After a few minutes, in a trembling voice, Trump asks "So, how many millions are there in *one tamilli...
Donald Trump had to attend an important military briefing
After waiting around 10 minutes, everyone who had to arrive arrived.
One of the generals stands up and says "So, shall we begin the meeting?"
Donald Trump coughs loudly, and then says "We cannot begin this meeting without the president present!"
"But... you are the president..."...
Breaking News: In a press media briefing, United Airlines CEO Oscar Munoz has stated...
"Since we cannot beat our competitors, we have resorted to beating our customers".
George Bush was sitting down at his desk during his morning briefing.
His chief of staff advised him that 3 Brazilian people had died this morning in a helicopter crash.
George sat there sulking in his chair and began weeping (uncharacteristically) to himself.
“Sir, is everything alright?” stated his chief of staff, to which George replied, “How many is ...
The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs...
The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs. His advisor concluded it with, "and yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an attack."
"That's terrible!" responded the president. "We need to act now. I need to talk directly with the people. Set up a time for it, a...
NASA has been sending animals to space.
They started with a cow and a pig. But the rocket failed at takeoff and ejected both animals. The pig was disintegrated on the way back down the earth but the cow survived and landed safely on earth. At the the press briefing reporters asked the NASA scientists how the cow survived and pig...
Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing
Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base ...
Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak
28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands
There were nine INTERPOL agents in a briefing.
They were named INTERPOL 1, INTERPOL 2, and so on. Their names were read out one by one in attendance. As the speaker reached the end, he said "INTERPOL 6, INTERPOL 7, INTERPOL 9." The missing agent stood up and asked why her name wasn't called. The speaker said, "You can figure it out."
One day, at Webster Dictionary's Word Assignment Briefing...
"Nichols," Mr. Lipney, lead word assigner, said, "I'm trusting you to define plethora for next year's edition."
"Thanks Mr. Lipney," Nichols responds, beaming. "It means a lot!"
Mr. Marcus was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense.
"You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?" The client replied that he did. The lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?" The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
A different presidential joke
George W. Bush was talking to some of his military advisors, and after listening to their briefings, he stated that he was going to earmark some military funds to send portraits of his predecessor's wife to the troops overseas.
One of his generals sighed, and leaned in. "Sir, we were asking f...
During his daily security briefing this morning, Trump was advised by an aide that three Brazilian peacekeepers had been killed in Iraq the day before.
To everyone's amazement, all of the color ran from Trump's face, then he collapsed onto his desk, head in hands, visibly shaken, almost whim...
As Covid19 winds down, another virus is spreading like wildfire
Covid19 may be winding down, but a brand new virus, the ID10t virus, is spreading like wildfire. Symptoms of the ID10t virus include mental and comprehension issues. Symptoms include schitzophasia, a condition where words are misunderstood. A victim may hear or read a words like "baking soda" a...