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Consultation Jokes

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After a consultation, the doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches.

The bad news is that it will require castration.

You see, your testicles seem to be pressing on your spine and the pressure creates one heck of a headache.

I can relieve the pressure by removing the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to l...

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

The sperm bank in my town offers initial consultations over Zoom.

But for follow-up appointments you have to come in person.

Doctor's consultation.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion s...

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A little old lady schedules a consultation with a high-class lawyer.

She says to the lawyer, “That bitch Linda from down the street stole my pastry recipe! Now she’s selling MY recipe at the church bake sale and telling everyone it’s hers! I want to file suit for theft of my intellectual property!”

The lawyer patiently hears her story, and replies, “Ma’am, I’m...

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The Pope contracts a rare terminal illness.

The best specialists were quietly called in from around the world for consultation. After much debate and research, they determined that the only hope to save the Pope's life was for him to have sexual relations with a woman. His advisors were notified and they in turn spoke in confidence with the p...

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A nurse is standing in a consultation room with a patient

The patient says"this is a little embarrassing so please don't laugh"

The nurse "I've been a nurse for 12 years nothing you show me is going to make me laugh"

The man drops his trousers revealing a penis the size and girth of a triple A battery.

The nurse stifles her giggle but ...

Hey Doc, the invisible Man is here for a consultation.

Tell him I can't see him right now.

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Restaurant got Business Consultation

A client ordered a soup in a restaurant but he didn't get his spoon so he calls the waiter over. The waiter just grabs in his breast pocket and pulls out a spoon and hands it to the customer. The customer is pleasantly surprised and goes "that sure went quick, you guys always carry an extra spoon ar...

Man: Hey! How much is your consultation fee? Lawyer : $100- for 3 questions.

Man: That's pretty expensive isn't it?

Lawyer : Yes, now what is your third question.

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Doctor's Consultation

A patient returns to the doctors office for a consultation regarding his x-rays and biopsies.
The Doctor says, "I've got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like first?"
The patient says, "Give me the bad news first."
The doctor says, "You've got terminal cancer and have at m...

Meeting with the eye surgeon is such a scam, I paid over $500 just for the consultation!

And I still don't know who I'm seeing.

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SEX AND GOOD GRAMMAR

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife. The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumored to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man....

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A man found his dick all red and swollen after banging a hooker.

In a panick he rushed to his family doctor to get it checked. The doc told him there was no cure and the only way was to have it amputated.

Refusing to accept his fate, he stomped out of the clinic and went to the best urologist in his country. But even there he was told that there was no cur...

A rich man on his deathbead...

calls his three lawyers in for a final consultation.

"They say you can't take it with you, but I'm going to prove them wrong! I'm giving you each a third of my money. At my funeral, I want you to throw it in my grave so that it's buried with me."

After the funeral, the lawyers are ...

The pharmacist took an extended lunch break without telling his assistant.

When he was gone, a man with severe cough came in for a consultation and was informed that the pharmacist was out to lunch, and the assistant wasn't sure when he was coming back.

The man begged the assistant for help since he was so miserable, and the assistant had to think quick.

An...

The Lawyer's dog

A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter. Fortunately, the butcher recognized the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his. The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.
Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said, "Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my bu...

An old woman goes to the doctor...

... and gets into the consultation, slowly walking until she reaches the doctor's desk. She sits down and begins to explain her problem to the doctor.

\-I have a terrible problem with my gas. I fart hundreds of times at the end of the day and since I have entered the room I have fart about 30...

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A man goes to the doctor because he can't keep his food down…

"I don't know why, Doc, but every time I eat something it just comes back up a little while later!"

The doctor examines him, and then says "I think you may be a good candidate for this experimental treatment I'm developing, if you're willing."

"At this point, I'm willing to try anythin...

An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.

The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”

The physicist was interviewed next, a...

A proctologist was losing too much money…

A proctologist was losing too much money. Her accountant came over for a consultation and quickly spotted the problem.

“You’re spending far too much on staffing. You’ve simply got to reduce your labor costs in order to survive.”

The proctologist puzzled over how to cut down. Given her...

A woman goes to the gynecologist for the first time...

She is extremely nervous waiting for her turn. The doctor asks her to come in to the consultation room and to lie down, but the woman is still trembling with fear. The doctor starts the consultation and notices that the woman is still very uncomfortable, so he stops for a bit and asks the lady, "If ...

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert

Sometimes I wish that I was a physics Professor named Albert and that occasional situations would arise where somebody would come fetch me for consultation. I would burst into the room wearing a terry aerobics headband and exclaim, "did somebody say let's get physics Al?

A lawyer's dog

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for the local butcher shop and steals a roast off the counter.

The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog, running unleashed, steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog...

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