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My French girlfriend is aggressively insisting we adopt a kitten

She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat"

When I was visiting France, my French friends kept insisting I stay up every night and do drugs.

I was under a lot of Pierre pressure.

Help

Hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.

However, a student nurse found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, insisting didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rul...

My girlfriend is insisting on a shower cap for me.

Apparently 8 a day is too many.

I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and after we’d eaten she kept insisting on paying for the meal.

I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep running!!'

A son was arguing with his dad, insisting that 1+1 equals 11

The father then looked at his son's eyes and said:

-Right, then go and buy 2 popsicles!

His son then goes and buys 2 popsicles.

Then, his dad said:

-Now give me one and the other to your brother!

Son asks:

-What about mine?

Father answers:

-You...

The custodians at my school kept insisting that I smoke kush with them, but I declined ...

I can't deal with high-maintenance people.

My girlfriend keeps insisting that I'm cheating on her.

She's starting to sound like my wife.

My friends keep insisting I’m the cheapest person they have ever met.

I’m not buying it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Paddy’s doctor was telling him that he really needed to lose weight.

Paddy was insisting that he was a healthy weight and the doctor was wrong.
Doctor: When was the last time you saw your penis?
Paddy: It’s been a while.
Doctor: You really need to diet.
Paddy: What color is it now?

wife's insisting to quit job

The wife's insisting I quit my job, because she thinks it's cruel we've started testing our new products on rabbits.
She's got a point, I suppose...

I work in a hammer factory.

My girlfriend kept insisting that I give her a ring...

It took a while to get comfortable with the idea \(it was a really big decision for me\), but finally I got enough courage to dial the number and have an actual telephone conversation with her.

My husband keeps insisting we try 69

but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife kept insisting that we try having sex underground

Eventually I caved.

A steamboat captain brought his son along on a short cruise upriver to show him what he does for a living, but all the kid wanted to do was steer the boat. Insisting that his father taught him enough to handle the job, he asked the pilot to let him take the helm...

"Okay..." said the pilot. "But you must pass a small test first. If I asked you to turn to the left, what nautical term should I use?"

"Turn to port!" said the boy.

"Correct!" said the pilot.

"If I wanted you to turn the boat to the right, what direction would that be?"
...

My wife keeps insisting that I tell her my favorite body part and vegetable

I told her eye yam but she doesnt listen

My dad died because we couldnt remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive" but it's hard without him.

When I asked the guy at Best Buy about the router’s speed, he kept insisting it’s not moving at the speed of light.

All I wanted to know was whether the router is N or G!

People kept insisting that I was swimming in the world's longest river .

I couldn't believe it. I was in de Nile.

I don't think my doctor went to medical school

He keeps insisting I have cancer, no matter how many times I tell him I'm a scorpio

The sticky note kept insisting to go on vacation with me.

I put him on board.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I Have No Fear. God Will Protect Me.

In the midst of a heavy hurricane season, a small town in Florida is alerted as likely to be hit very hard by one particular storm. An emergency notice it sent out to evacuate the town in anticipation of major flooding. One man in the town, Steve, refuses to leave his house, claiming, "I have no fea...

A journalist was visiting a completely isolated tribe for a documentary...

As she was leaving, she asks her translator to tell their leader that she had a great time, but needed to go now.

the leader seems to be sad, and her translator explains what he said: "he doesn't want you to leave, he really likes your company."

she apologizes, but insists she has to l...

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