If a stork is the bird that brings babies, then what is the bird that prevents babies?

A swallow

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many dead babies does it take to fix a light bulb?

Someone please tell me, I have 23 in my basement and the light is still broken.

What do pets, babies, and women have in common?

They won't tell you why they are upset

Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.

Because all of his genes are dominant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Boob, a Vagina and an Asshole are debating who is the greatest of the three of them.

Boob: I give milk to new born babies and I'm attractive to the

opposite sex, that's why I am the greatest.

Vagina: That's nothing.

I give birth to babies, and can accommodate the opposite sex.

That's why I'm the greatest.

.

.

.

.

.
...

What do you call 100 babies stuck to a wall?

INFANTILE.

What's the difference between a train wagon full of babies and a train wagon full of sand?

You can't unload sand using pitchforks.

I like my babies like I like my martinis.

In a quiet room at home. What's wrong with you?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never have French babies come to your home.

They always poop in the couches.

A woman had twin babies and fell asleep immediately after

A couple of weeks later she wakes up and asks the doctor, "Where are my babies?"

The doctor replies, "They are both fine, you have a beautiful boy and girl. Your husband went back to work and you were out so long that your brother had to name them"

"Oh no! What did he name them?" The w...

Jesus can walk on water. Babies are 72% water. I can walk on babies. Therefore I'm 72% jesus.

I'm also 100% in prison.

Gotta hand it to babies...

...because their short, stupid little arms can't reach anything

What's the difference between a bunch of babies in a pool and some coins?

The coins are the only thing heads up...

Is it safe to say that babies born in the year 2020 will be called....

...doomers?

The Three Babies

An Englishman, Welshman and a Jamaican are in hospital waiting for their wives to give birth.
After much pacing up and down, the nurse emerges from the maternity ward and announces that each are the father to a bouncing baby boy.
“Unfortunately there’s just one small problem” she adds.
“Be...

Most babies are delivered by a stork...

... however, larger ones require a crane.

The lady who birthed babies started questioning her career choice.

I think she was going through a midwife crisis.
...

They say milk helps babies grow,

But I’ve poured two gallons of milk on this baby already and all it’s done is cry.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

"Good morning, Ma'am", he ...

If 1 stork brings 1 baby, and 2 storks bring 2 babies, what brings no babies at all?

Two swallows.

Once there were four business men. They were sitting on a bench in a hospital waiting room because their wives were having babies.

A nurse comes over and says to the first businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had a baby."
The man says, "What a coincidence! I'm the president of And1!"
The nurse goes away.

Then the nurse comes back and says to the second businessman, "Congratulations! Your wife had twins!"
The...

Little Johnny comes running into the house and asks, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"

"No," says his mom, "of course not." Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

I have a joke on babies...

But I'm not qualified to deliver them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The whale babies

A blue whale father is swimming with his son through the ocean

„ Daddy ? „, asks the boy

„ Yes ? „

„ How are baby whales made? „

„ Uhm „, answers the fathers with a pause, „ I can tell you „

„ Great! Thanks Daddy !„

„ You are whalecum „

Young Jesus: mom where do babies come from?

**Joseph: [pulls up a chair]** yea Mary, where DO babies come from?

Two babies are laying in the nursery

One says:
-I'm a boy.
The other one asks:
-How do you know?
1st one replies:
-When the nurse leaves I will show you.
The nurse leaves shortly and the baby lifts up his blanket and says:
-See, I have blue socks on.

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