After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

My new line of heavy duty adult diapers will be called pangaea pull-ups,

It's for the super-incontinent

My sister is dating a diaper fetishist...

She doesn't like like it, but she thinks she can change him.

What do politicians and diapers have in common?

They both should be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Never trust a baby with a full diaper

They're full of shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a Boss and a diaper have in common?

They are always on your ass and always full of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the AC was on

It was all fun and games untill shit hit the fan

Politicians are like diapers

They both need changing often for the same reason

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper?

HOLY SHIT!

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they’re loaded.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to change adult diapers for a living...

But I don't deal with that shit anymore.

What do you give a pig with a diaper rash?

Oinkment

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

just had to take my son's shitty diaper off,

really don't know why i put it on in the first place.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

I asked my grandpa if he has to wear a diaper...

He said "depends"

I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

What kind of bear wears diapers?

Winnie the Pooh

I wear diapers for 2 reasons

For number 1 and for number 2.

My wife is so negative... I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag

But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Diapers

Why are baby’s diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that’s because when we’re babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we’re adults it depends on who’s in the will.

Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper

Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

Diaper companies should be sued for false advertising.

Not once have they held the 22-37 pounds they promised.

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

Why did the sailor bring diapers on shore leave?

He was worried about being in continent

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is at work when he receives a call from the hospital informing him that his wife's been in an accident.

He rushes to the emergency room where he's met by the doctor. They sit down in the waiting room and the doctor, with a very solemn look on his face, says:


"Sir, I have very bad news. We did all we could. Right now she's in a vegetative state, which is likely where she'll remain for the ...

Ever since I started to wear adult diapers

I've been a changed man.

Proper diaper fitting

If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a diaper and a politician?

When a diaper's full of shit, you throw it in the trash. When a politician's full of shit, you elect him President.

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

A father's view of diaper changes

So a mother of a baby had to go out for the day, and left the father in charge of things.

"Do you know what you're doing, with the diapers? You've never changed one."

"Sure, no problem, have a good time! Don't worry about us!"

Mother comes back in the evening, the baby's diaper ...

I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

Ask Hugh Hefner.

My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers

I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an 80-year old's vagina taste like?

Depends.

A german, an american and a chinese go into a bar...

They make a bet, who can drink the most without running for the toilet!

First 10 drinks, the american has to go to the toilet.

After another 10 drinks, the german has to go to the toilet.

When the german and american come back, the chinese is still drinking without any pause... ...

Two very active seniors

Two very active seniors (Jacob, age 92, and Mary, age 89), living in The Villages, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way, they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter, "Are you ...

A friend once set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."


I felt like a total idiot waiting in the club wearing nothing but a diaper.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bit of a political

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your ...

My wife said that she wanted to be pampered.

I told her I wasn’t in to diaper fetishes.

I'm organizing a class action lawsuit against Huggies and Pampers.

Their diapers never hold the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

A postman and his wife are expecting their first child.

The big day comes, and it's a healthy baby girl. The new parents are overjoyed, but it's a lot of work. Dad helps out in every way he can; changing diapers, keeping the house clean, prepping and cooking meals (always being sure to make something ahead for if Mom gets hungry when he's not home), etc....

A young couple has a new baby, but after a while the mother starts to think the baby doesn't resemble her or her husband . . .

She decides to get a DNA test done, and sure enough, the results come back that it is not their child.

"Honey, I don't know how to tell you this," she says to her husband. "The baby . . . she's not . . . ours."

"Yeah," says the husband.

"What do you mean, 'yeah'?" she says. "You...

A drunk man borrows and loses his partner's prosthetic leg in a game of roulette in Las Vegas while she's asleep in their room. When she wakes up in the morning she is furious and sends him down to the tables to win it back...

..the man, now sober, is absolutely determined to make up for his sordid late night misdeed, and immediately challenges the casino to win back the prosthetic leg.

For the whole next day he is at the table, losing pile after pile of chips, thousands and thousands of dollars at a time.

...

Just Kidding

A man gets a call from the hospital telling him his wife has been hurt in an accident. He rushes to the hospital and is met by her doctor.
The doctor says “I’m sorry, she’s in really bad shape”. Husband starts to tear up and asks “how bad is it doctor?” The doctor tells him that she’s a parapleg...

I spent Valentine's Day the old fashioned way

Running around in a diaper shooting arrows at people

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is politics?

A son asks the father: **"What is politics?"**

Then the father says, **"Well, son, that's easy.**

**Look, I'll bring the money home, so I'm the capitalist (the income).**

**Your mother manages the money, she is the government.**

**Grandpa takes care that everything here h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend asked me how I slept last night.

I told him "I slept like a baby"

He responded "that's great!"

I don't understand why he thinks it's great to wake up 15 times in the middle of the night, crying for my parents, and pooping in my diaper?

A woman visits the doctor as she has some strange symptoms and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: "Well, I hope your husband likes changing diapers".

She replies: "Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?"

To which he responds: "No, you've got bowel cancer."

One day, a woman is having abdominal pains.

She visits a doctor, fearing that she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes back to the room.

He tells her, "Well, I sure hope you like changing diapers."

Sighing, she says, "So I assume I'm having a baby?"







"No...you have bowel cancer....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 10 years...

After 10 years, a mother realizes her kid looks a little funny and gets a DNA test done. Surprise, it's not her child! She tells the husband, who calmly replies, "What, you don't remember?" The wife shakes her head worriedly, hoping her husband's answer will fill in the gap. He says to her: "When we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Political joke

A boy asks his father:

What is politics?

Father answers:

It’s very simple! You see, I bring in the money, so I’m big business . Your mother spends the money, so she’s the government.

Your grandfather sees to it that everything is managed in an orderly way. So he’s the law...

A man gets married and his mother-in-law moves in

One day, the husband comes home and finds the mother-in-law passed out on the floor with an empty jar of pills near her. He rushes her to the hospital. After a few hours of anxiously waiting, the doctor returns with her results.

“Alright, I have some good news and I’ve got some bad news”, sa...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.