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Diaper Jokes

I began wearing adult diapers for 2 reasons:

Reason #1 and #2.

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What two things do supervisors and diapers have in common?

They're both full of shit and their always on your ass.

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What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

Snap, crackle poop.

(This is my 8 yr olds favorite joke and she wanted me to make sure everyone on that joke website I go to knew it.)

Why do you put diapers on a baby?

To tie up loose ends

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I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the AC was on

It was all fun and games untill shit hit the fan

Why did the barber rub diaper rash cream into his customer’s scalp

Because he believed that “what’s good for the gooch is good for the dander!”

How are politicians like diapers?

They need to be changed often and for the same reason.

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What did Watson say to Sherlock Holmes when they found an empty diaper at the crime scene?

No shit Sherlock

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

An inventor has created a very fancy diaper changing table

It will be called the "Shart-Tooterie Board"

(stolen from a friend of mine)

Why do blonde change her baby's diapers once in a week?

Because the package says "up to 10 kilos".

Do philosophers use diapers?

It depends.

Wife to husband on their son's 10th birthday: Honey, Kevin still doesn't look like either of us. Why is that?

Husband: Of course he doesn't! Don't you remember when we were leaving the hospital and he had soiled his diaper? You told me to go change him. And I did!

A man buys adult diapers

The clerk asks "are you one of those weirdos with a diaper fetish?" with a judgmental look on his face



The man says "no, I'm an Amazon warehouse employee."



The clerk says "Ah, I understand now."

Joseph and Mary tried to throw out one of Jesus' diapers

But there was no room in the bin

I just bought #1 baby diapers

However my newborn doesn't seem to care, and she also went number two on them.

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Why do we have diaper brands named "Huggies, luvs and Depends?

When a baby shits themselves we will still "Hug" and "love" them.


When an old person shits themselves it "depends" who is on the will...

My sister is dating a diaper fetishist...

She doesn't like like it, but she thinks she can change him.

What do you call a baby who just got his diaper changed inside an airport?

Duty Free

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I've just had to take my son's shitty diaper off.

I don't know why I tried it on in the first place.

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What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper?

HOLY SHIT!

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What's the difference between a diaper and a politician?

When a diaper is full of shit, it gets discarded. When a politician is full of shit, it runs for president.

Proper diaper fitting

If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they’re loaded.

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

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Quarantine is risking a condom shortage. Diaper manufacturers are already gearing up.

They know shit already.

My wife is so negative... I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag

But all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper

Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

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My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

My new line of heavy duty adult diapers will be called pangaea pull-ups,

It's for the super-incontinent

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My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

With #DiaperDon trending on Twitter, his weird dancing makes since.

He’s trying to wiggle out his poo.

What do you give a pig with a diaper rash?

Oinkment

I asked my grandpa if he has to wear a diaper...

He said "depends"

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Never trust a baby with a full diaper

They're full of shit

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

Diapers

Why are baby’s diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that’s because when we’re babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we’re adults it depends on who’s in the will.

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I used to change adult diapers for a living...

But I don't deal with that shit anymore.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

Ask Hugh Hefner.

Why did the sailor bring diapers on shore leave?

He was worried about being in continent

What did Ronnie James Dio wear to Church when he was a baby?

Holy Diapers.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

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Johnny lives in a society...

Johnny asks his dad how a country runs. His dad thinks and replies, ‘Well, it’s like this. I earn the money in the house, so I’m the rich. Your mom takes care of running the home, so she is the government. The maid is the working class, and your baby brother is the future. And finally you Johnn...

My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers

I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."

I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

A father's view of diaper changes

So a mother of a baby had to go out for the day, and left the father in charge of things.

"Do you know what you're doing, with the diapers? You've never changed one."

"Sure, no problem, have a good time! Don't worry about us!"

Mother comes back in the evening, the baby's diaper ...

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The son said to his father " I don't understand politics dad ''

The father said " I'll give you an example. I bring money to the family, so I represent the upper class. Your mom uses the money on whatever necessary, she is the goverment. The maid who's doing the chores represents the working class. Your grandpa watches what's going on and assures everything is a...

A guys mother in law comes to live with him

One day he comes home to find her passed out on the floor. He calls 911, the paramedics come and pick her up and take her to the hospital.

The guy goes to the hospital and is in the waiting room when the doctor comes out.

The doctor says, “Well, I have some good news and some bad new...

Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Hey Girl.....

Unless he wears a diaper, you can't change him.

Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

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