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I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the AC was on

It was all fun and games untill shit hit the fan

Politicians are like diapers.

You should change them often and for the same reasons. - (not) Mark Twain

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What two things do supervisors and diapers have in common?

They're both full of shit and their always on your ass.

I began wearing adult diapers for 2 reasons:

Reason #1 and #2.

"Well, here is your problem," the doctor says to the first-time father. "It seems that this child needs a diaper change."

The new father replies, "That can't be! The package said it was good for 8-10 pounds."

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common:

They should both be changed regularly, for the same reason.

I just bought #1 baby diapers

However my newborn doesn't seem to care, and she also went number two on them.

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"

The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism.

Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government.

We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people....

My sister is dating a diaper fetishist...

She doesn't like like it, but she thinks she can change him.

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I've just had to take my son's shitty diaper off.

I don't know why I tried it on in the first place.

Hey Girl.....

Unless he wears a diaper, you can't change him.

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Why do we have diaper brands named "Huggies, luvs and Depends?

When a baby shits themselves we will still "Hug" and "love" them.


When an old person shits themselves it "depends" who is on the will...

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they’re loaded.

After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

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Car accident

A man is called to the hospital, his wife and mother in law were in an accident. His wife held over for observation, and the doctor asks if his wife has any siblings.

He replies "no she an only child"

Dr Says "well than I am sorry to tell you you mother in law is very bad off. She has ...

The blind date

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm meeting my blind date here tonight," he tells the bartender. "She's the sister of one of my friends. All he told me was that she was blonde and is expecting a baby." "Well," the bartender replies. "That explains why you're sitting here in just a diaper....

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So I work at Amazon and suddenly realized why we sell so many diapers.

Because we sell so many sex toys.

My friend asked me, "What kind of adult diapers do they sell for Pennywise the Clown?"

It depends.

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

My new line of heavy duty adult diapers will be called pangaea pull-ups,

It's for the super-incontinent

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What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper?

HOLY SHIT!

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

Diapers

Why are baby’s diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that’s because when we’re babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we’re adults it depends on who’s in the will.

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I used to change adult diapers for a living...

But I don't deal with that shit anymore.

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

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Never trust a baby with a full diaper

They're full of shit

I saw a lady crying at the supermarket today because she had lost her money and couldn't buy diapers that she wanted to buy.

I felt so bad that I bought them for her, but it's fine because I found a 100 dollar bill at the parking lot anyways.

My wife is always nagging.

I remembered to bring the stroller, the diaper bag, even an extra set of clothes.

But al she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Pitbull saves family from house fire, pulls 7-month-old girl by her diaper

Good to know he's doing more than just music these days.

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My wife hates cleaning so now I'm paying for a maid, she hates changing diapers so now I'm paying for a nanny...

And she hates having sex with me so now I'm paying for a tennis coach.

William Shatner is going to sponsor a new line of women's jeans made to hide adult diapers underneath.

They're going to be called Shatner Pants.

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What's the difference between a diaper and a politician?

When a diaper is full of shit, it gets discarded. When a politician is full of shit, it runs for president.

What do you give a pig with a diaper rash?

Oinkment

A woman visits the doctor...

As she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

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My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper.

What a dip shit.

Ive been playing uno with my kids for 50 years now.

I finally dropped my reverse card and now they have to change my diapers.

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How are Trump and a diaper the same?

Both are self absorbed and full of shit.

I asked my grandpa if he has to wear a diaper...

He said "depends"

Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

Proper diaper fitting

If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.

Why do tectonic plates wear diapers?

Because they're in continents.

How many blondes does it take to change a diaper?

Ask Hugh Hefner.

Why did the sailor bring diapers on shore leave?

He was worried about being in continent

What do you call someone who wears a diaper fashioned from a map?

Incontinent

Why did the man wear a diaper to the bar?

So he could save his stool.

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Timmy was asked to do presentation about corruption in a country.

He wrote on the whiteboard:
-A country is like a family
-Government is the mother who manage the family.
-Capitalist is like the father who earns money for family.
-The maid is the working class.
-I am the citizen while my baby brother is the future of family.

Intrigued, the te...

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Karen back at it again

Karen pays a rare visit to the doctor one morning.

The doctor, surprised, asks: “What seems to be the problem, Karen?”

Karen responds, “Doc, I’ve got the farts. I mean I fart ALL the time.”

The Doctor nods, “Hmm.”

“My farts do not stink and are silent, but I fart all ...

I think my wife is changing our son's diapers too often.

It says right on the box that they're good for up to 14lbs.

What did Michael Sorrentino say when they asked him if he would be ok with wearing adult diapers on some of the new episodes of Jersey Shore?

It depends on The Situation.

My crush's ex-boyfriend was into wearing diapers

I asked her best friend what she likes in a guy. She said, "Depends..."

A father's view of diaper changes

So a mother of a baby had to go out for the day, and left the father in charge of things.

"Do you know what you're doing, with the diapers? You've never changed one."

"Sure, no problem, have a good time! Don't worry about us!"

Mother comes back in the evening, the baby's diaper ...

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One day little Billy's teacher told him to ask his parents what the government is

\--Dad, can you tell me about the government

\--Well, think of it like this, I'm the president, your mom is congress, the maid is the working force, you are the people and.... your little brother is the future.

\--I don't get it

Dad sent Billy to sleep telling him that he'll kno...

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3 nuns die and go to heavens gate

3 nuns died and went to Heavens Gate. St. Peter comes out and says "before you can enter the gates of heaven you must answer me this one question".
"What part of your body last touch a man's genitals?"

The first nun steps up and says, "Well, I used to work in an orphanage with babies and ...

Politicians are a lot like diapers...

They should be changed frequently, and for the same reasons.
(Benjamin Franklin)

Husband and wife had a car accident

Ambulance was called and they both end up im hospital. After some time husband regains consciousness and starts looking for his wife around the hospital. He finds a doktor and asks him:

"Doctor, please, me and my wife had an accident and I cant find her. Can you help me? Is she alright?"
...

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What is Democracy

Lil John asks his dad "What is democracy?".

Dad: "Imagine our home is like a country. I bring money so I am like capitalism. Your mother orders everyone around so she is like government. Grandpa... Grandpa is like work unions. Our housemaid is working group. We do it all for you so you are th...

My baby just ate a bunch of scrabble tiles.

The next diaper change could spell disaster.

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

A man gets in a car crash and is sent to Hell.

He is greeted by Satan and three doors. “What’s in the doors?” the man asks. “Well,” Satan responds, “each door contains one of your choices for where to spend the rest of eternity.” The man looks at the doors and asks, “Can I look inside them first?” Satan nods and opens the first door. Inside is a...

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