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Diaper Jokes

After 3 years, the wife starts to think...

...that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test.

She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents.

Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you

Husband: What’s up?

Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not o...

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What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

Snap, crackle poop.

(This is my 8 yr olds favorite joke and she wanted me to make sure everyone on that joke website I go to knew it.)

Why do you put diapers on a baby?

To tie up loose ends

How are politicians like diapers?

They need to be changed often and for the same reason.

A man buys adult diapers

The clerk asks "are you one of those weirdos with a diaper fetish?" with a judgmental look on his face



The man says "no, I'm an Amazon warehouse employee."



The clerk says "Ah, I understand now."

What's the best time to change a diaper?

In the wee hours of the morning.

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I've just had to take my son's shitty diaper off.

I'm not entirely sure why I tried it on in the first place.

Why did the barber rub diaper rash cream into his customer’s scalp

Because he believed that “what’s good for the gooch is good for the dander!”

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What did Watson say to Sherlock Holmes when they found an empty diaper at the crime scene?

No shit Sherlock

I began wearing adult diapers for 2 reasons:

Reason #1 and #2.

Why do blonde change her baby's diapers once in a week?

Because the package says "up to 10 kilos".

Politicians are like diapers.

You should change them often and for the same reasons. - (not) Mark Twain

My sister is dating a diaper fetishist...

She doesn't like like it, but she thinks she can change him.

Do philosophers use diapers?

It depends.

I'm going to quit my job and market a line of active-adult diapers and underwear liners with a feline theme.

Gonna call them Puma Pants.

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I dont own this joke. But i havent forgotten about it for five years.

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is Politics?"

Father: "Well, let's take our home for an example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". your mother is the administra...

Diapers

Why are baby’s diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that’s because when we’re babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we’re adults it depends on who’s in the will.

I just bought #1 baby diapers

However my newborn doesn't seem to care, and she also went number two on them.

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Joseph and Mary tried to throw out one of Jesus' diapers

But there was no room in the bin

Proper diaper fitting

If the baby's legs turn blue, it's too tight, if they turn brown, it's too loose.

Diapers are like guns...

You always have to assume they’re loaded.

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I saw my son playing with a used diaper while the AC was on

It was all fun and games untill shit hit the fan

A man has his mother-in-law move in with him when she lost her job.

About a week later, he returns home from his job and finds her laying on the floor, unconscious. He calls 911, the ambulance comes and takes her off to the hospital.

He calls his wife and tells her she may have to cut her business trip short, but he'll keep her posted.

He gets to the ...

What do you call a baby who just got his diaper changed inside an airport?

Duty Free

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Why do we have diaper brands named "Huggies, luvs and Depends?

When a baby shits themselves we will still "Hug" and "love" them.


When an old person shits themselves it "depends" who is on the will...

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What did Joseph say when changing Jesus’s first diaper?

HOLY SHIT!

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What's the difference between a diaper and a politician?

When a diaper is full of shit, it gets discarded. When a politician is full of shit, it runs for president.

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Changing diapers is the hardest part about having kids

You can't half ass it.

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Bosses are like diapers...

Always on your ass and normally full of shit

Diaper companies should be sued for false advertising.

Not once have they held the 22-37 pounds they promised.

What kind of bear wears diapers?

Winnie the Pooh

Where do people who need adult diapers live?

In continents.

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Never trust a baby with a full diaper

They're full of shit

With #DiaperDon trending on Twitter, his weird dancing makes since.

He’s trying to wiggle out his poo.

What do you give a pig with a diaper rash?

Oinkment

I asked my grandpa if he has to wear a diaper...

He said "depends"

A father's view of diaper changes

So a mother of a baby had to go out for the day, and left the father in charge of things.

"Do you know what you're doing, with the diapers? You've never changed one."

"Sure, no problem, have a good time! Don't worry about us!"

Mother comes back in the evening, the baby's diaper ...

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I used to change adult diapers for a living...

But I don't deal with that shit anymore.

How has there not been a class action lawsuit against the major diaper companies?

Those things have never held the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

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How are Trump and a diaper the same?

Both are self absorbed and full of shit.

Why do gardeners like to wear diapers?

In case they get soiled

Why did the sailor bring diapers on shore leave?

He was worried about being in continent

My friend asked me, "What kind of adult diapers do they sell for Pennywise the Clown?"

It depends.

Politicians are like diapers...

They're almost exclusively white

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