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A group of kindergarteners were trying to become accustomed to the first grade.

The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on no baby talk.

“You need to use ‘big people’ words,” she’d always remind them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.

“I went to visit my Nana.”

“No, you went to visit your Grandmother. Use big people word...

Kindergarten Blonde

A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"

Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."

The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Mos...

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,'' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,'' she sa...

Breaking News: Local Kindergarten reports major Peek-a-Boo accident.

All involved were rushed to the ICU

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It’s Monday morning Show and Tell in Mrs. Brown’s kindergarten class.

She asks the class what they did over the weekend.

Timmy raises his hand, “I rode on the choo-choo!” Mrs. Brown shakes her head and corrects him, “No, Timmy. You rode a TRAIN. Remember class, we don’t use baby words anymore. We use grown-up words when we talk about things.”

Susie thin...

A kindergarten teacher was telling her students about different kinds of animals.

"Whales are the largest" she said, "but they can't swallow people, because their throats are too small."
"But in the Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by a whale", said a little girl. "You can't always believe what you read", the teacher replied. "Well, when I go to heaven", said the little...

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and

said, "I bet it's some flowers!"

"That's right!" shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She

held it up, shook it and said, "I bet I know what it is!...

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A teacher and her class of kindergarteners learn about grown-up words

A teacher is teaching her class of kindergarteners how to use grown-up expressions.

She points to little Sally and asks, "Sally, what did you do this weekend."

Sally tilted her head and said, "I went on a choo choo!"

"Marvelous, dear," said the teacher, "But next time, try 'I ro...

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At kindergarten. Teacher: What new sounds you heard at the farm today? Kid 1: Moo. Kid 2: Oink. Kid 3: Quack...

Kid 4: get the fuck off my truck!

You know why didn't they make a Kindergarten Cop sequel?

As it turns out, it actually was a tumor.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring.

A kindergarten teacher tells her students that sharing is caring. She says she wants them all to show that they care by sharing something.

The Russian kid gives everyone a shot of vodka.

The Colombian kid hands out cocaine.

The American kid runs towards the window and attempts...

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A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of live savers and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor.

So the teacher gives them a hint and say it's what your parents call each other. A little girl shouts and says “ OMG their assholes.

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A teacher gave her kindergarten class various lifesavers.

The kids started identifying the taste by the colour. So one day, the teacher gave all of the kids honey lifesavers, and told them to guess what flavour they were. She gave them a hint: "It's what your mother may sometimes call your father." One girl spit it out and cried "Oh my god! They're asshole...

I once had a boyfriend in kindergarten

Then he got fired.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

My son’s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession…

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway…

Trump visits a kindergarten

“It was so nice and relaxing to talk to someone that far away and not caring for the world problems” says a five year old student

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The kindergartener who pissed in a cats ear

This little kindergartener runs into school and yells “Miss! Miss! There’s a dead cat outside!”
And she goes “well how do you know it’s dead?”
And he goes “well I pissed in it’s ear and it didn’t move so it must be dead.”
And she goes into shock, “Oh my god! You did what? You pissed in the ...

Why did the elf go to kindergarten?

To learn the elf-a-bet!

I just overheard my 5yo tell this to his older brother. He made sure to add emphasis to "elf-a-bet", in case his brother didn't get it. Not sure where he heard this - it came out of the blue.

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A kindergarten teacher was playing a game with her class

The game involved little hard candies, handing one of each flavor to every student. She told her students to eat the red ones first, then guess what it tastes like. They all ate the red one and after a few minutes they guessed it tasted like Strawberries, they were correct. Next the teacher had them...

A story about a girl named love

This couple just had a kid, the mother wanted to name it love, the father thought this was a stupid name and after some back and forth the dad finally gave in and so the kid was named love
Some time passed and love was going into kindergarten, she was bullied immediately for her unique name, con...

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them.

To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isnt entirely correct, because sometimes its gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "...

Students of kindergarten teachers are getting fatter and fatter

Their pupils are dilating.

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I walked into kindergarten on my first day of school...

I was worried, but nonetheless excited to learn. We began by learning about animals. My teacher asked students what their favorite animal was and when it was my turn I said “Pink Flamingo”

The teacher began screaming and sent me to the principals office. “Why are you here son”, he asked. I to...

A kindergarten teacher is reviewing with her students

"What does the bee give us?", he asks,
"Honey!", say the kids,
"And what does the caterpillar give us?", he says,
"Silk!", they say,
"And what does the cow give us?",
"Homework!"

A kindergarten student of mine told me this one.

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.

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A kindergarten class comes back from a trip to the farm.

The teacher asks the kids, "So, what sounds did we hear at the farm today?"

Little Sally: "Moooooo"

Little Billy: "Baaaaaa"

Little Timmy: "Quack, Quack"

Little Johnny: "GET THE FUCK OFF MY TRACTOR, YOU LITTLE CUNT!!!!"

My son's kindergarten teacher is such a hardass, she failed him on his alphabet test even though he got 25/26.

He still doesn't know y.

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A sixth grade boy named Timmy was in charge of taking his little brother to school..

A sixth grade boy named Timmy was in charge of taking his little brother to school for the first day of kindergarten. As Timmy got on the school bus, the bus driver stopped Timmy and said, "Timmy, who's that?" while pointing at his little brother.

"That's my little brother," said Timmy qui...

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Tommy is a shy Kindergartener and his teacher calls him to the front of the class to say his alphabet...

Tommy reluctantly stood up, and eventually to the front of the class. Nervous, he starts to say his alphabet. “ABCDEFG,HIJKLMO..QRS,TUV, WX,Y and Z. “That was very good Tommy.” the teacher said. “But you forgot your P”. Then Tommy replied, “Its running down my pants!”

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Little Johnny talks like an adult

This is my sister's favorite joke

\--

One day in Kindergarten...

Mrs Smith: Ok class, today we're going to try and talk like adults. OK? Let's try it. Kevin, what did you have for dinner last night?

Kevin: We ate cheesy macaroony!

Mrs Smith: OK, but let's talk...

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So there's this kid named Jackson . . .

Jackson is about to have his first day of kindergarten.

He knows his name. He's like 5 or 6, or whatever age kindergartners are. They all know their names. That's important.

So Jackson goes into his class. His parents drop him off or whatever. Class starts and the teacher starts doing ...

What’s the difference between Kindergarteners and Congress?

Kindergarteners grow up.

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Kindergarten Teacher: Let's name a word that starts with each letter of the alphabet...

Teacher says, "Okay, let's start with letter A."
Little Johnny raises hand, teacher calls on him and he says "Ass, ass starts with the letter A." Teacher scolds Johnny and tells him it's inappropriate to talk like that in school.

Teacher then asks the class, "Who knows a word that starts ...

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A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat...

A kindergarten student told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her student. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!?!?!" the teacher yelled in shock. "You know," explained the boy,...

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A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom...

A scientist goes into a kindergarten classroom to conduct an experiment. The experiment involves the kids eating gummy bears and judging by the color and taste, the kids will shout out the flavor.

The scientist gives them a red gummy bear and the kids can instantly tell that it’s strawberry....

Blackbeard the pirate sends his son BB Junior to kindergarten

As its the first day, the teachers want to gauge how smart each child is.

"who can sing the Alphabet" enquires the teacher

'Y'arrrr I can" says BB Junior

"Ok BB, go ahead" the teacher encourages

BB stands up full of confidence
"A B C C C C C C C D E F..."

"Stop...

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There's a brunette, red-head, and a blonde in the same Kindergarten class. Who has the biggest rack?

The blonde. She's 19.

Optimus Prime and Bumblebee are in first day of kindergarten.

Optimus (in his deep voice) : Hi, I'm Optimus Prime. What's your name?

Teacher : Be silent!!!!!

Bumblebee : umleee

What do you call it when a German kid plants some vegetables?

A kindergarten

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten

A mom picks up her 5 year old girl from kindergarten. The girls gets into the car and says - "Mom, Timmy's wee wee is like a peanut!". The mother laughs and asks "why is it small?". "No" the girls answers, "it's salty"

Bill Gates recently visited a kindergarten and taught the children how to count to ten.

"1, 2, 3, 3.1, 95, 98, ME, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10."

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students to each bring something that they like.

Bobby shares first. "I brought a bone, because I love my dog." "That's great," says the teacher. "Mary, you're next."
Meanwhile, at the back of the classroom, Jerry takes off all his clothes and wears a giant USSR flag, as everyone stares.


Mary brings forward a plant and says, "I broug...

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My kindergarten-aged daughter...

Suddenly announced just before school that she needed to take a clean t-shirt to class. She told us that the teacher was going to iron an anti-drug message on it. My wife practically swept through my daughter's room, finding nothing usable but one t-shirt that already had something printed on the s...

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I heard this joke in kindergarten but fuck it I’m saying it here

The teacher is teaching everyone the alphabet, but many people are pretty bad at it. Especially Johnny.

All of a sudden, Johnny raises his hand and asks “Can I go to the bathroom?”

The teacher thinks for a moment and then says “first tell me the alphabet.”

Johnny again says “but...

Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...

...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."

What does U.S. immigration policy have in common with kindergarten after lunch?

Kid napping.

A kindergarten teacher asks her students what animals provide us...

She said, "What does a chicken give us?" and the students replied, "Eggs". She then asked, "What does a pig give us?" and the students replied a joyous "Bacon". Finally she asked "What does a cow give us?" and before anyone could answer little Johnny said "Homework".

Joke provided by my ten y...

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students what part of the body grew 10x its size when stimulated.

All of the students stayed quiet until Little Susie stood up and said, "I'm going to tell my mommy and daddy what you're teaching us!"

The teacher didn't answer her and asked the class again, "What part of the body grows 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Susie began to turn re...

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Little Johnny returbed from kindergarten when he saw Grandpa eating cookies

He approached pops nicely and asked if he could have some cookies.

"Does your dick reach yer arse?" Replied grandpa

Confused, Little Johnny said no. Pops then replied:

"Well when your dick can reach yer arse I'll give ye a cookie"

Devestated, Little Johnny went to his r...

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A kindergarten teacher asked her students to talk about what they did during the recent school holidays.

She asked them to use "grown-up words" as opposed to baby language.

The first little one said he went to see his "nana." The teacher said, "No! You went to see your 'grandmother.' Use grown-up words."

The next little one said she went for a trip on a "choo choo." The teacher said again...

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When I was in kindergarten...

I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.

A kindergarten class came back inside from playing at recess

The teacher likes to ask the kids what they did with their free time so he starts with Mary. "Mary, what did you do at recess today?" Mary said that she played in the sandbox. The teacher says, "that sounds like a lot of fun! If you can spell "sand" on the blackboard then you can have a cookie." Mar...

My eldest put together a Dora joke

When my two younger sons were in the toddler to kindergarten age, they loved watching Dora the Explorer. Episode after episode. My wife & I found it very cute.

My eldest found it quite annoying. But he was a teenager then.

He came up with a Dora joke after a weekend of 500 (just...

My son in kindergarten had a party a short while ago where we had to dress up as food.....

Everyone was supposed to dress up as a food and parents were also encouraged to come and dress up.

So I decided to go with my son and I put on my cowboy outfit and I went.

There as i was going in a teacher said "Sir, your supposed to be dressed up as a food"

And so I said, " I a...

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A teacher is with her kindergarten class, teaching them about animals.

She asks Suzy, "What sound does a cow make?" Suzy responds, "Moo." The teacher turns to Bobby, "What sound does a horse make?" Bobby responds, "Neigh." The teacher turns to Tyrone, the only black kid in class. "What sound does a pig make?" Tyrone responds, "FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER!"

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Miss Honey is taking her kindergarten class through the alphabet

"So kids," says Miss Honey, "We're going to go through the alphabet today and see what you all remember. To start with, can anyone tell me a word beginning with the letter A?"

Slowly little Timmy's hand goes up...

"Yes Timmy, what word do you have?"

"Arsehole, miss."

"Ti...

What do you call it when one kindergartener beats up another kindergartener to become class president?

A coup d'tot.

A teacher confiscates two birds, a dog, and a handgun from a kindergarten student.

Teacher: "What are you doing with these things?!"

Student: "I'm practicing my alphabet."

Teacher: "Bringing animals and a gun to class is no way to learn!"

Student: "Sure it is. I have a beagle, a seagull, a Deagle, and an eagle."

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A kindergarten has a class pet, a mouse named Mister Squeaky

Mister Squeaky is a staple of the class, having been around for almost ten years. Every weekend, a different child takes him home to take care of him. One Sunday morning, a mom sees Mister Squeaky lying dead at the bottom of his cage. She rushes to the petstore and explains that she needs a replacem...

What's the difference between kindergarteners and /r/Jokes?

Kindergarteners are creative.

There was this girl I liked in kindergarten..

One day it was nap time and I gained enough nerve to sleep next to her. She didn't do anything. The next day at nap time I decided to kiss her on the forehead and sleep under her blanket. Again, she didn't do anything The next day at nap time I put my ball sack on her face. Let's just say that's th...

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A Kindergarten teacher brings her class varies samples of meat...

She passes the first sample out, the students eat it, and asks, "Does anyone know what that was?"
She chooses a student and he says that it's steak.
"Good!" She passes out the second sample and asks if they know what it was.
A student yells, "It's chicken!" "Good, very good."
Sh...

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Once, a kindergarten boy had to count to five

The class teacher assigned this boy to count to five the next day. When he went home, he asked his mother, who was talking on the phone:

"What is one?"

His mother replied, "be quiet!"

Then he went over to his brother, who was watching cartoons and not paying attention.

He...

The Kindergartener

A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, it’s because you’re blo...

What's the difference between a Pakistani Kindergarten and a Taliban Training Ground?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

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An inner city kindergarten is teaching about animal sounds.

The teacher says "ok does anyone know what sound a cow makes?
A little girl raises her hand and says "mooooo"
The teacher says "ok who knows what noise the chicken makes?"
Someone else raises there hand and says "bachbachbachbach"
The teacher says ok finally, what noise does a pig make?<...

Why were the police called to a kindergarten?

A small child was resisting a rest

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The kindergarten teacher would never call on little Timmy in class...

One day the teacher said, " I'm going to say a letter of the alphabet, and you raise you hand and tell me a word that starts with that letter." The class looked very excited, but not as much as little Timmy. "A", said the teacher. Little Timmy jumped out of his chair waving his hand in the air. The...

A convict finally escaped prison after digging a tunnel in his cell for years

He resurfaces in a kindergarten playground with children playing and no cops in sight. He could barely contain his excitement and screams, "I'm Free! I'M FREE!" A kid next to him looks at him and says, "So what? I'm four"

Personal space is a concept I did not understand in Kindergarten

I guess that's why they fired me.

What do white supremacists send their toddlers to before kindergarten?

Pre-KKK

For weeks, Tommy was telling his kindergarten teacher about the baby sister who was going to be coming to his house soon.

One day at home, Tommy's mother let him feel the baby kicking. Tommy didn't say anything, and he stopped talking about the baby at school. Finally the teacher sat Tommy down and said, "Whatever happened to your new baby sister?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think my mummy ate her!...

A boy in kindergarten has to use the restroom, but the men's room is locked...

So his mother tells her son that it's alright to use the women's room this once, because they are single rooms that lock from the inside. The boy comes out a minute later and asks his mother for a quarter. The mother asks what he needs a quarter for, to which he replies:

"Apparently, mom, nap...

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One day in Kindergarten Class...

One day in Kindergarten Class, Ms. Johnson decided to teach the children about fruit. She put different fruits into a paper bag and started describing to the kids what fruit she had; the children were then supposed to guess what kind of fruit she had.

To start she reached in and said, "Okay, ...

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Show-and-Tell

A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show-and-tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class.

The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamine and I am Jewish and this is a Star of ...

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A Kindergarten teacher in Detroit asks her class what sound a pig makes...

A boy in the back of the class stands up and yells, "FREEZE MOTHA FUCKA"

What's the worst thing about Michael Jackson teaching your kindergarten class?

The smell. The man's been dead for 6 years.

One of my kindergarten students told me a joke today..

Q: What do you call a police officer wearing a hat?
A: A friend!

This makes no sense as a joke at all BUT still cracked up because of how excited he was to tell me this joke

Then there was the handicapped honors student in our school.

Since kindergarten his dad had given him a quarter and a pat on the head for each A he got. By the time he graduated, he had $500 in the bank and a flat head.

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while
they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.

As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." ...

Little Johnny's first day in kindergarten

Little Johnny is sitting in his kindergarten class when the teacher asks the following question: "There are three birds sitting on a fence, and a hunter shoots one of the birds. How many are left?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "There are zero birds left. One was shot, and the othe...

What do you call a groan-inducing, kindergarten-level pun?

Top post on /r/Jokes.

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A young lady is substituting a kindergarten class....

"Good morning class my name is Miss Prussy, like a pussy cat but with a R." She is nervous at first but the kids love her and she breezes through the day without a hitch.

A couple of months later she is reassigned to sub for the same class. When she gets all the kids settled she asks if any ...

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A man walks by a school...

As he reaches the end of the building he noticed the kindergarten play pen and a sign reading 'Watch for Children'. He immediately walks over to the kindergarten play pen and called over the nearest Teacher. Out of his pocket the man pulls out one Timex and two Rolexes and exclaims "I'll take those ...

Trump is at an elementary school assembly and asks,...

"Does anyone know what a tragedy is?"

A kindergartener raises her hand and the president chooses her to answer, "A car crash."

"No, not quite." Responds Trump, "that would be an 'accident' ".

He then chooses a 4th grade boy. "If a school bus went off a cliff and all the kids die...

A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 5 and 6.

He seemed irritated when I answered “kindergarten!”

The police knocked on my door and asked me where I was between five and six.

Apparently "kindergarten" was not the answer they sought.

My daughter's favourite

What wobbles in the sky?

A jellycopter.

This was her first and favourite joke when she heard it in kindergarten.

What is every priest's favourite kind of garden?

Kindergarten.

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Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny is in kindergarten and loves to say curse words. His teacher has become rather annoyed with his bad habit, so much so that she second guesses even calling on little Johnny to answer questions. Today’s lesson was the alphabet. The teacher asks each student to raise their hand if they kn...

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Just wrote this poem

Everyone gather together

Put aside what you are doing

See this lyric, feel the weather

Take a second for the viewing.

Everyone gather together

In this house we all are one.

No discrimination, son.

Did I say a house we're in?

It's a prostitution...

If you really think about it...

Kindergarten teachers love to spread communism

Some Kids Are Just Nuts...

In the kindergarten, the teacher was helping a boy with putting on his boots. They were so hard to put on, that the teacher couldn't take less than one minute to put one of them.

The teacher was just about to be done putting on the first boot, when the kid said:

\- You're putting the w...

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Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

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Two Hindus were talking

Both had failed in college for the third time.

One says "This is too tough! I don't think I'll ever pass. Do you think we hould commit suicide?"

The other replies "Hell no! Are you crazy? We'll have to start over from kindergarten!"

I'd always roll into class late super stoned or hung over, id try to sneak to my desk without people noticing

I really was a bad kindergarten teacher

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