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Newborns Jokes

What’s a group of chubby newborns called?

Heavy infantry

I can't stand newborns

I guess it cause their legs are too weak.

Mrs. Johnson was having her second set of twins: a boy and a girl.

Once again, she fell into a coma before delivery, so it fell to her younger brother to name the newborns. Traditionally, that job would fall to the eldest, but he had lost that privilege after naming her first set of twins Denise and Denephew. When she finally came to, she saw her brother standing b...

How do ghosts feed their newborns?

With their bOoOoOobs

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don't Vegans breastfeed their newborns?

Because nobody will have sex with them.

I would make a joke about newborns

But the delivery would be too painful

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why is it so common to circumsize newborns in America?

They're taught from the youngest age to leave a tip

Where do all newborns want to eat ?

wawa

What's a newborns favorite A/C setting?

Womb temperature.

Shooting newborns in the maternity ward is just low.

Spawnkillers are absolute scum.

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

I said some terrible things about my coworkers newborn

She said he was a week old baby and I thought we were roasting him

A young man asks the Chief how he picks the newborns names.

A young man approached the chief of his village with a question. He said "Wise cheif, you are in charge of naming every child in this village. How do you go about choosing the names for your people?" The Cheif heard the question and without saying a word walked over to a small window in the tent and...

They say in order to help with bonding newborns take on characteristics of their fathers.

Sure enough, my son was born with large features, a furrowed brow, and complained about nerve damage from his knee surgery.

Toddlers can be pleasant.

But newborns could be placenta.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a mix up in the hospital,

..,nurses forgot to label three newborns. Their fathers, German, Russian and Jewish guys trying to figure out who's child is who's. German dude gets an idea, he comes to the newborns and yell " Heil Hitler" one of the kids throws his right hand up in a salute. German guy grabs the kid and leaves. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[long] A pregnant woman was standing in line at a bank.

All of a sudden a masked man bursts through the front door waving a gun wildly around. He shouts that he is robbing the bank and that everyone in it is now his hostages. The police soon arrive and in the ensuing stand off shots were exchanged from both sides, the woman was struck three times in her ...

A woman is pregnant with twins.

A woman is pregnant with twins. During her last month of pregnancy, she falls into a coma. When she wakes up, the doctor tells her that she had a girl and a boy, and that her brother claimed them until she came to. Immediately, she panics at the thought of her brother supervising her newborns.
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