How warm is a baby at birth?

Womb temperature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A prostitute said I could have sex with her for a reduced rate of $20.00 because she didn't have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it.

She said "Acwoss the woad against those wailings"

Three babies in the womb discuss

what they would like to be when they grow up. The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here." The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here." The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer." The others look confused and ask, "Why do you want t...

Three babies were in the womb talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.

The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."

The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor." ...

What temperature is best for helping babies grow?

Womb temperature.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL that as a human is developing in the womb, it starts with the asshole...

I guess some people never make it past that point.

There were 3 kids in their mother's womb...

...The first one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a plumber because it's always wet in here." The second one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be an electrician because it's always dark in here." The third one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a hunter." "Why a hunter?" the oth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Womb is pronounced 'woom' and tomb as 'toom'

So the fact that bomb is pronounced 'bawm'

makes my head go fucking *boom*.

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my womb for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

My friend asked me if I ever missed the idea of being in the womb. I said "The only thing I'd miss was my umbilical cord....."

I was very attached to it.

My pregnant wife asked me if I was worried the temperature would be too hot for the baby inside her...

Putting her mind at ease I reassured her it’ll be womb temperature.

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of “when does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible it states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My circumcision gave me a chance at a normal life.

I was born with a disorder where my eyelids didn’t develop properly in the womb. When they performed my circumcision, they used the foreskin that they removed to give me proper eyelids. My surgery went well but I’m still a little cock-eyed.

How does a foetus get food?

Womb Service

My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the womb.

Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?

My pregnant wife couldn't sleep last night because she was so uncomfortable...

She is running out of womb.

[ultrasound]

Wife: "How does he look?"

Doctor: "This is honestly the biggest baby I've ever seen."

Husband: "So we're finally talking about the elephant in the womb."

Doctor:

Wife: "I keep a divorce lawyer on retainer."

What do you call a wooly mammoth fetus?

The elephant in the womb.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ernie the Hamster

I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:


Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious,


Dad....

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Famous people answer the ubiquitous question, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

**TEACHER**: To get to the other side.


**PLATO**: For the greater good.


**ARISTOTLE**: It is in the nature of chickens to cross roads.


**SOCRATES**: Why do you think the chicken crossed the road?


**HIPPOCRATES**: Because of an excess of phlegm in i...

My niece did nothing with her life.

She just sat in her womb all day.

Have you heard about Angelina Jolie’s new film about abortion?

It’s called “Womb Raider.”

40 years ago today, Louise Brown became the first test tube baby...

She had a womb with a view.

A young girl is at a club and sits down at a table next to thee guys at another table.

The three guys are talking rather energetically, and the girl hears their conversation;

First guy: "It's spelled, W.H.O.O.M....WHOOM!"

The second guy: "No, you're wrong..it's spelled W.H.U.M.E....WHUME!"

Then the third guy: : "You both don't know what you're talking about! It's ...

A Woman Walks Into A Cafe

A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she's eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table.

"Look, let's go with the simple option. It's spelled W-O-O-M."

"No, I'm sure there's an R in there. W-O-O-M-R."

"I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W...

A bishop is giving a lecture in a church in his diocese

He says, "times sure are changing, and kids growing up today aren't being a part of church as much as I'd like them too. Here's what I propose: Every married couple should have 3 kids- one to walk the path of the dad's will, one to walk the path of the mom's will and one to serve the church. For fam...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, pregnant with triplets, is walking down the street...

...in a very bad part of town. Out of the blue, a car rolls by and opens gunfire on the house behind her. Despite her best efforts, the woman took three bullets to her stomach and was rushed to the hospital.

The doctors did everything they could to save the woman and her three unborn childre...

Yesterday, I saw two fetus's kissing each other in a corner.

I said to them " you two, go get a womb."



Credit goes to a friend of mine for this dad joke lol.

My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.

I said, "It's likely womb-temperature."

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

What is another word for twins?

Womb mates.

Mother of Triplets

A pregnant lady was doing her errands around town when she stopped in bank to pay her bills. Everything was going great until there was a gunshot and two robbers burst through the door and demanded everyone on the ground and they will shoot anyone that makes a move. The future mother obliged but wh...

Why can't men give birth?

There's not enough womb!

I didn't get the job at the abortion clinic

I guess they didn't like that I applied to be the womb raider.

What's a newborns favorite A/C setting?

Womb temperature.

What would you call Laura Croft if she worked at Planned Parenthood?

Womb Raider

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning. He gets contact from a group of brothers who vouch for the phenomenon as having had an effect on them.

"I'm a jazz saxophonist." The first brother says. "My mother played Charlie Parker for me while I was in the womb, and she could feel me...

What do you call a pregnant woman with a transparent belly?

A womb with a view.

What do you call an abortion vacuum?

A womb-ba

What did one Chinese fetus say to the other?

Move Ova I need more Womb!

A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication...

What do you call an unborn baby Wombat?

A *womb*-bat

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

Babys In Mothers Woom

Three babies are in their mother's womb. One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and ...

My favorite joke!(sorry if its been posted before)

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child. The judge ask the woman why should you get the the kid and she is saying how she was in labor and held the child in her womb.. The judge says good argument now Mr. Jones your argument.. He sits there and t...

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?


"Womb-mates"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad and I never got along

We have been butting heads since the womb

The human brain is an amazing organ.

It keeps working 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 52 weeks
a year, from before you leave the womb, right up until you find religion.

I hate seeing babies are kissing eachother.

It's like, get a womb.

Why did the fetus kill his twin?

There wasn't enough womb for the two of them!

What did the doctor say when he saw two fetuses being too affectionate in public?

"Get a womb, you two."

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you'...

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next ti...

Whats a baby's favourite temperature?

Womb tempertaure

How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid?

At womb temperature!

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk

A newly born baby is miraculously able to talk.

The stunned doctors and nurses start asking questions - "How did you learn english?"

The baby replies "I heard many conversations and tv and radio while in the womb".

Then a doctor asks "Were you aware of the whole birth?", "yes,...

Life policies to die for.(Long)

Peter is a very meticulous guy, and leaves no stone unturned to get the best deal on anything and everything. He decides to shop around for life insurance and he picks three insurances at random to check their rates.

When he goes to the first one and expresses his desires, the salesperson to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Another off color limerick

A sperm, alack and forsooth

Was at it's moment of sexual truth

It had hoped to fall

On the womb's spongy wall

But was dashed to it's death on a tooth!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.