If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

“BOOM"

I hope that blew your minds

Three babies are in their mother's womb.

One of them says, "I want to be an artist so everyone knows what it looks like in here." The next one says, "I want to be a swimmer because I get so much practice in here." The last baby says, "I'm going to be a hunter because if that snake comes in here and pokes me again, I'm going to chop that th...

If "womb" is pronounced "woom", "tomb" is pronounced "toom" then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced

"BOOM"



I hope that blew your minds

Bullet in the womb

One day a pregnant lady walked into a bank and deposited her money. She then turned around and there was people robbing the bank they told everyone to get on the ground as the lady was pregnant she couldn’t get down in time and got shot three times in the stomach. She had surgery to try and remove t...

My wife shouted at me for calling our cat "womb-less"

I believe in calling a spayed, a spayed.

A divorced couple standing in court over a child custody, the mother makes her claim and says: "I had him in my womb for 9 months, so he is mine"

The judge turns to the father and asks: "and what is your claim?"
The man, smiling, says calmly: "Your honour, when I put a coin in the vending machine, the coke that comes out is mine or the machine's?"

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A prostitute said I could have sex with her for a reduced rate of $20.00 because she didn't have a womb. Intrigued, I asked how we would do it.

She said "Acwoss the woad against those wailings"

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THIS IS A TERRIBLE JOKE

Q: Why did the pregnant woman hold her vagina open?

A: To give her fetus a womb with a view.

If 'womb' is pronounced as 'woom' and 'tomb, as' 'toom'

Shouldn't 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?

What's the name of the type of force that holds a baby in the mother's womb?

Centrifetal

Why can women only have so many kids at a time?

They run out of womb.

Three triplets in the womb discuss what they would like to be when they grow up.

The first one says, "I wanna be a plumber, so I can fix the pipes in here."

The second one says, "I wanna be an electrician, so I can get some lights in here."

The third one says, "I wanna be a boxer."

The other two ask, "Why do you want to be a boxer?"

He replies, "So I ...

I was out on a date with a girl.

At one point during the evening she brought up that she had absorbed her twin in the womb.

I thought the date was lovely, but she didn’t want to see me again. I guess it was rude to ask if she was a Gemini.

Four insurance companies are in competition.

One comes up with the slogan, "Coverage from the cradle to the grave."


The Second one tries to improve on that with, "Coverage from the womb to the tomb."


Not to be outdone, the third one comes up with, "From the sperm to the worm."


The fourth insurance company re...

How warm is a baby at birth?

Womb temperature.

Three babies were in the womb talking amongst themselves about their future

They get on the topic of what they want to be when they are born and grow up.

The first baby says: "when I get older, I want to be a molder of young minds! A teacher is what I'm aiming for."

The second baby says: "when I'm a adult, I want to heal and save people! I'll be a doctor." ...

When I was born, I sure was relieved

I was running out of womb.

People can't seem to distinguish the male reproductive system from the female...

But I would say there's a vas deferens, and no womb for argument.

The best thing about being a test tube baby...

You get a womb with a view.

There were 3 kids in their mother's womb...

...The first one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a plumber because it's always wet in here." The second one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be an electrician because it's always dark in here." The third one says, "When I get outta here I'm gonna be a hunter." "Why a hunter?" the oth...

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Womb is pronounced 'woom' and tomb as 'toom'

So the fact that bomb is pronounced 'bawm'

makes my head go fucking *boom*.

When a fetus is hungry, what does it do?

It orders womb service.

My wife wants to have the baby listen to classical music while in the womb.

Would an ipod nano or shuffle be easier to get up there?

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TIL that as a human is developing in the womb, it starts with the asshole...

I guess some people never make it past that point.

I don't have a twin,

I have a womb buddy.

My friend asked me if I ever missed the idea of being in the womb. I said "The only thing I'd miss was my umbilical cord....."

I was very attached to it.

I hate when baby’s kiss eachother

...It’s like, get a womb for god sake

What do you call a pregnant Lara Croft's husband?

A Womb Raider!!!

PS: Quarantine = Time for Dad jokes

A pregnant elephant goes to the doctor

Right away the doctor says "I want to talk about the elephant in the womb"

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting in the wilderness of northern Canada.

Suddenly, the temperature dropped and a furious snowstorm was upon them. They came across an isolated cabin, far removed from any town. The hunters had heard that the locals in the area were quite...

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Young boy goes up to his Dad and asks "Where did I come from?"

His father sighs and says "I was hoping your mother would get this question but OK I will explain".

"So when a man and woman are in love and want to have a baby they get naked and get into bed and then they touch each other and kiss and the man touches the woman's breasts and vagina and the w...

Why was Jesus born in a manger?

There was no womb in the inn.


Happy holidays!

My pregnant wife asked me if I was worried the temperature would be too hot for the baby inside her...

Putting her mind at ease I reassured her it’ll be womb temperature.

Old Custom In Ireland

There is an old custom in Ireland, to bow the head briefly in prayer when saying “Jesus” - particularly when saying the line from the Ave Maria, or Hail Mary, that ends with “... the fruit of thy womb, Jesus”

In christening services, where babies are dedicated to the Church, parents and godpa...

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An Englishman visits Africa and heads to a bar

Whilst enjoying a beer, he hears two African blokes having a discussion that goes back and forth repetitively:

African bloke 1: "No, it is woom! W-O-O-M!"

African bloke 2: "No, it is womb! W-O-M-B!"

After a few minutes, the Englishman heads over to their table and interjects....

Are you my Dad?

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on the delivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the top of a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and says to the doctor, “Are you my dad?”. The doctor says, “No, I am your doctor!”. With that, the baby p...

I saw two unborn fetuses making out.

So I said “would you two get a womb?”

My pregnant wife couldn't sleep last night because she was so uncomfortable...

She is running out of womb.

[Long?] A kid in a warzone was being taught reading in school. Since they were learning the "-omb" sound, the teacher showed a picture of an Egyptian tomb.

"Toom," the teacher said. The kid repeated.
Next the teacher pulled out a science textbook, and pointed to a mother's womb.
"Woom," the teacher said. The kid repeated this again.

Suddenly a man walked in with a bomb.
"BOOM" yelled the kid excitedly.

A Woman Walks Into A Cafe

A woman goes to a cafe and takes a seat outside. While she's eating, she overhears a group of men at the next table.

"Look, let's go with the simple option. It's spelled W-O-O-M."

"No, I'm sure there's an R in there. W-O-O-M-R."

"I thought it was longer than that, and had a B. W...

My wife's pregnant. She wondered if it's really hot in there for the baby.

I said, "It's likely womb-temperature."

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Little Johnny and the Alphabet

Little Johnny is in kindergarten and loves to say curse words. His teacher has become rather annoyed with his bad habit, so much so that she second guesses even calling on little Johnny to answer questions. Today’s lesson was the alphabet. The teacher asks each student to raise their hand if they kn...

I thought my unborn baby might have a fever, so I stuck in a thermometer.

Turns out she was womb-temperature.

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My circumcision gave me a chance at a normal life.

I was born with a disorder where my eyelids didn’t develop properly in the womb. When they performed my circumcision, they used the foreskin that they removed to give me proper eyelids. My surgery went well but I’m still a little cock-eyed.

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

An elderly couple, a priest, and a doctor walk into a bar

As they are sitting down and drinking, they eventually start talking about conception and the question of “when does life begin”.

The priest said in the Bible it states that life begins at conception Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you”. This is God’s word so it is true.<...

What do you call a wooly mammoth fetus?

The elephant in the womb.

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A woman, pregnant with triplets, is walking down the street...

...in a very bad part of town. Out of the blue, a car rolls by and opens gunfire on the house behind her. Despite her best efforts, the woman took three bullets to her stomach and was rushed to the hospital.

The doctors did everything they could to save the woman and her three unborn childre...

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Ernie the Hamster

I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:


Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious,


Dad....

[ultrasound]

Wife: "How does he look?"

Doctor: "This is honestly the biggest baby I've ever seen."

Husband: "So we're finally talking about the elephant in the womb."

Doctor:

Wife: "I keep a divorce lawyer on retainer."

40 years ago today, Louise Brown became the first test tube baby...

She had a womb with a view.

Paul Johnson

Paul Johnson was a man who lived and died by the pun. Right out the womb he was cracking jokes. Every hour of every day of elementary, puns. But in middle and high school people got tired of his puns, and he had a hard time making friends. This all changed in college, when he met a woman who enjoyed...

In an alternate universe, Lara Croft works in an abortion clinic...

She is called the Womb Raider

Have you heard about Angelina Jolie’s new film about abortion?

It’s called “Womb Raider.”

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A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

A woman on a flight gave birth to a baby.

As soon as the baby was born, the baby said, "I had more leg room in the womb."

A young girl is at a club and sits down at a table next to thee guys at another table.

The three guys are talking rather energetically, and the girl hears their conversation;

First guy: "It's spelled, W.H.O.O.M....WHOOM!"

The second guy: "No, you're wrong..it's spelled W.H.U.M.E....WHUME!"

Then the third guy: : "You both don't know what you're talking about! It's ...

Yesterday, I saw two fetus's kissing each other in a corner.

I said to them " you two, go get a womb."



Credit goes to a friend of mine for this dad joke lol.

What type of underwear does a fetus wear?

Fruit of the womb.

What is another word for twins?

Womb mates.

My niece did nothing with her life.

She just sat in her womb all day.

A bishop is giving a lecture in a church in his diocese

He says, "times sure are changing, and kids growing up today aren't being a part of church as much as I'd like them too. Here's what I propose: Every married couple should have 3 kids- one to walk the path of the dad's will, one to walk the path of the mom's will and one to serve the church. For fam...

What's a newborns favorite A/C setting?

Womb temperature.

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A woman pregnant with triplets gets shot

with three bullets to her womb. Miraculously she and all her children survived. However, a bullet had embedded in each of the three children. The doctor decided it would be best to leave the bullets. A few months later she gives birth to two beautiful daughters and a son, with no health complication...

Why can't men give birth?

There's not enough womb!

What would you call Laura Croft if she worked at Planned Parenthood?

Womb Raider

I didn't get the job at the abortion clinic

I guess they didn't like that I applied to be the womb raider.

A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

My favorite joke!(sorry if its been posted before)

So a man and woman are getting a divorce and are in court fighting for custody of their child. The judge ask the woman why should you get the the kid and she is saying how she was in labor and held the child in her womb.. The judge says good argument now Mr. Jones your argument.. He sits there and t...

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning.

A reporter is doing a story on prenatal conditioning. He gets contact from a group of brothers who vouch for the phenomenon as having had an effect on them.

"I'm a jazz saxophonist." The first brother says. "My mother played Charlie Parker for me while I was in the womb, and she could feel me...

What do you call an abortion vacuum?

A womb-ba

Apparently I was supposed to have to have a twin until I absorbed him.

I guess I just needed a little more womb

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My dad and I never got along

We have been butting heads since the womb

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?

What do you call a pair of twins who live together?


"Womb-mates"

Triplets talking about what they want to be when they grow up

3 unborn babies are in their mothers womb talking about what they want to be when they grow up. The first one says "I'll be a plumber so I can fix this leak in here." The second says "I'll be an electrician so I can get some lighting in here." The third one says "I want to be a hunter so the next ti...

What did the twin in utero say to the other twin?

Move over I need some more WOMB!

Whats a baby's favourite temperature?

Womb tempertaure

At a medical conference

Two African doctors were in an intense debate. The first said "It's wooooooooooooooommmbbbbb". The second said "no, it's woooooooooooooooommmbbaaaa." A British doctor overhears them and decides to help: "I think the word you are looking for is 'womb.'"
They both turn to him and say "Clearly, you'...

Why did the fetus kill his twin?

There wasn't enough womb for the two of them!

How does a fetus like it's amniotic fluid?

At womb temperature!

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