UPJOKE
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A woman is breastfeeding on the bus but struggling to get her baby to suckle....

So she says to her baby

_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her

10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_

5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to ...

A woman was breastfeeding in the bus the other day

...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".

Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...

...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus...

I can’t understand why people have a problem with breastfeeding.

It’s perfectly natural and helps strengthen the bond between me and my dog.

A mom is breastfeeding her baby twins.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins' uncle died.

As a man, I don’t have a problem with breastfeeding women in public...

Except nothing comes out when they’re sucking on my nipples.

People who get mad at me for breastfeeding in public can f*ck off!

It's completely natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

A mother starts breastfeeding her baby in a park

A man finds this amusing and asks the woman "Your baby looks healthy, what do you feed it?"

Woman: "Breastmilk and orange juice"

Man: "Which side's the orange juice? I wanna try"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are smaller breasts better for breastfeeding?

They're more of a kids meal.

(My first dad joke) Wife was breastfeeding

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

Edit: wow this blew up!
thanks for the gold!!!

Jenna was breastfeeding her son while her neighbour Sally sat nearby

Jenna asked her friend, "Does my son resemble me or his father?"

Replied Sally, "He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father....."

A mother is breastfeeding her baby on a plane

The captain comes on and says "we're ready for takeoff." The mother wraps her child and herself up. The plane takes off and the mother opens up and begins to breastfeed her child again. Her seatmate turns to her and says "You must have a hungry child." The mother answers "No, I just feed him to ...

Alright ladies, we all know it's Breastfeeding Awareness week.

There's no need to milk it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young woman sitting next to me on the train today was breastfeeding her baby...

An officer came up to us and said, "Please stop doing this here, or we're going to have to ask you to leave."

So I sighed, stopped masturbating and pulled my pants back up.

What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding?

Thanks for the mammaries!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the bus today, I saw an attractive young woman breastfeeding

Suddenly an old woman started shouting, "you shouldn't be doing that in public, that's disgusting!!!".

A part of me wanted to scold the old woman, but another part of me thinks...

"Maybe I shouldn't have been masturbating on a bus..."

I don't mind women breastfeeding in public...

But I hate it when they get offended when I wink at them and ask for a taste.

There was a woman breastfeeding in the park.

Fascinated, I walked over and said, "I hope you don't mind me being curious, but what's it like?"

"Oh," she said, "it's a bit uncomfortable if I'm honest."

I said, "I was talking to the baby."

Man spreading is a lot like breastfeeding in public....

We’re all just trying to take care of our kids.

Breastfeeding a baby

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when a gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said: "Come on, drink it or ... I'll have to give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so she ...

Can you stop staring at my gf when she's breastfeeding at the mall????

When I'm thirsty I'm thirsty.

Breastfeeding in public.

This hating of people that breastfeed in public should really stop. I can raise my cat any way I want to.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman was breastfeeding on the bus today

Suddenly, an old lady started yelling "how dare you do this in public!!", she kept on screaming and screaming, like "that's disgusting", "what a disgrace" etc...

In hindsight, it probably wasn't the time or place for a wank.

Today I kicked a breastfeeding mom out of my restaurant

Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy

I think breastfeeding in public should be encouraged

There are a lot of hungry homeless people.

My wife finished breastfeeding our son so I threw out her old breast pump

I'll miss that thing. We shared some good mammaries together.

The baby wasn't very good at transitioning out of breastfeeding

I guess you could say he sucked at tit

There was a woman breastfeeding her child next to me.

I looked at her and said, "Do you never feel like perverts are giving you weird looks when you do that in public?"

She smiled, and said, "Oh no, not really."

I said, "Phew."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Excuse me," I said to the woman that was breastfeeding her child.

"There's a toilet on this train." I suggested.

She said, "What I am doing is perfectly normal, I shouldn't have to hide myself."

I said, "I know, I just want to see your tits closer up."

What is Britain's most popular newspaper amongst breastfeeding mothers?

The Daily Express.

Why don't old women have babies?

Their arms aren't long enough for breastfeeding.

Max and Carl were walking down the street.

Just for a moment, Carl looked into a sportscar dealership.
Max (stunned): "Did you see that woman breastfeeding while walking!?"
Carl: "Where??"
Max: "She just Pasteurize!"

Sudden end of a longtime friendship

**Sudden end of a longtime friendship**
*a short story*

Monica was breastfeeding her son
while her best friend Soniya sat nearby...

Monica asked - 'Does my son resemble me or his father?'

Soniya - 'He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father!'

**The End*...

Was on the bus earlier today

And got caught staring at this beautiful woman whilst breastfeeding a baby.

She looked me right in the eye and said “you’re a weirdo!”

I asked “why, because I’m staring?”

She said “no, because you’re trying to breastfeed a baby!”

Strange lady

A waiter noticed a woman stuffing bits of food down her shirt.  He thought it was rather strange, but he figured that since it's her food she could do what she wanted with it.

But after a while the waiter noticed that the woman's behavior was making some of the other patrons uncomfortable. So...

A mother has two babies, and she breastfeed them everyday

During breastfeeding, each baby would suckle on one of her nipples.

One day, one of the baby came up with a scheme to murder his brother, thinking that he would get more milk to himself that way. So, he secretly applied poison to the his brother's "nipple".

Little did he know, his br...

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