Breastfeeding Jokes

So she says to her baby

_"Eat up now or I'm going to give it to that nice man over there"_ and points at the man sitting across from her

10 mins later _"You have to eat, baby, or I will give to that man!"_

5 mins later _"Baby come on now, I can't waste this milk so you have to ... read more

...And suddenly, this old lady gets up and starts screaming "you can't do that here, have you no shame? in front of everyone???".

Everybody turns around, the old lady keeps screaming, the woman with her baby stands here mortified...

...I had to pull my pants back up and get off the bus... read more

The captain comes on and says "we're ready for takeoff." The mother wraps her child and herself up. The plane takes off and the mother opens up and begins to breastfeed her child again. Her seatmate turns to her and says "You must have a hungry child." The mother answers "No, I just feed him to ... read more

A man was riding a bus, minding his own business, when a gorgeous woman next to him started to breastfeed her baby.

The baby wouldn't take it, so she said: "Come on, drink it or ... I'll have to give it to this nice man here."

Five minutes later, the baby was still not feeding, so sh... read more

It’s perfectly natural and helps strengthen the bond between me and my dog.

One day, one of the twins realized that there is more milk coming from the breast where his twin sibling is feeding on. Because of extreme jealousy, he put poison on that specific breast while everyone is asleep.

The next day, the twins' uncle died.

Her: the baby sure is taking his time getting his meal in

Me: yeah he is really milking it

Edit: wow this blew up!
thanks for the gold!!!

A man finds this amusing and asks the woman "Your baby looks healthy, what do you feed it?"

Woman: "Breastmilk and orange juice"

Man: "Which side's the orange juice? I wanna try"

Jenna asked her friend, "Does my son resemble me or his father?"

Replied Sally, "He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father....."

Except nothing comes out when they’re sucking on my nipples.

It's completely natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

There's no need to milk it.

But I hate it when they get offended when I wink at them and ask for a taste.

We’re all just trying to take care of our kids.

Fascinated, I walked over and said, "I hope you don't mind me being curious, but what's it like?"

"Oh," she said, "it's a bit uncomfortable if I'm honest."

I said, "I was talking to the baby."

This hating of people that breastfeed in public should really stop. I can raise my cat any way I want to.

There are a lot of hungry homeless people.

Thanks for the mammaries!

Not because other customers thought she was indecent, but because we have a no outside food or drinks policy

The Daily Express.

I guess you could say he sucked at tit

When I'm thirsty I'm thirsty.

I'll miss that thing. We shared some good mammaries together.

I looked at her and said, "Do you never feel like perverts are giving you weird looks when you do that in public?"

She smiled, and said, "Oh no, not really."

I said, "Phew."

Their arms aren't long enough for breastfeeding.

And got caught staring at this beautiful woman whilst breastfeeding a baby.

She looked me right in the eye and said “you’re a weirdo!”

I asked “why, because I’m staring?”

She said “no, because you’re trying to breastfeed a baby!”

A waiter noticed a woman stuffing bits of food down her shirt.  He thought it was rather strange, but he figured that since it's her food she could do what she wanted with it.

But after a while the waiter noticed that the woman's behavior was making some of the other patrons uncomfortable. So... read more

**Sudden end of a longtime friendship**
*a short story*

Monica was breastfeeding her son
while her best friend Soniya sat nearby...

Monica asked - 'Does my son resemble me or his father?'

Soniya - 'He looks like you, but he sucks exactly like his father!'

**The End*... read more

During breastfeeding, each baby would suckle on one of her nipples.

One day, one of the baby came up with a scheme to murder his brother, thinking that he would get more milk to himself that way. So, he secretly applied poison to the his brother's "nipple".

Little did he know, his br... read more