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I Hope You're Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was walking my dog this morning when this guy shouted at me "I hope you're gonna pick that shit up!"

I just pulled up my pants and ran

My daughter just said," I hope you're going to shave off that mustache before the holiday, it's embarrassing."

I was shocked, as that's the bravest thing anyone has ever said........ TO MY WIFE!!!!.

I hope you're into BDSM

Cuz my humor is pure pun-ishment

Conspiracy theorists, I hope you're right...

I hope the illuminati run this country, they seem like a safe bet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A vacuum cleaner salesman came to my door, poured a bag of dog shit on my carpet and said, "Sir, if this vacuum can't clean it completely, I'll eat whatever's left."

I said, "I hope you're hungry 'cause they cut off the electricity this morning."

I hope you're all getting your Walter Cronkite jokes in order. He's next.

Here's mine.

Ed McMahon, David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Billy Mays, and Walter Cronkite walk into a bar.

And die.

Your turn.

A woman goes to the doctors complaining of stomach cramps. She gets sent off for some test and comes back a week later. "Well, I hope you're ready for endless sleepless nights of crying and changing dirty nappies!" the doc says. "Wow, you mean I'm pregnant?" the woman replies thrilled.

Doc says, "No, you've got bowel cancer."

To the guy who stole my antidepresants,

I hope you're happy now

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Real or fake?

A guy walks into a bar decorated for the Christmas holidays and orders a beer. "That's a beautiful Christmas tree you have over there. I hope you're not offended, but I've always found that Christmas trees are a lot like boobs," he tells the bartender. "When you see really nice ones you just have to...

A German was packing his luggage for holiday when his wife interrupts him...

"I hope you're not going to bring sausages again", she said, "They exploded everywhere last time and caused a frightful scene!"

"It'll be fine", He said, "Stop worrying about the wurst case scenario".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Compatibility

A woman was sitting alone at a bar and a man approached her. He asked her why she looked so sadly. She responded that her boyfriend had just broken up with her because she was too kinky.

The man expressed his amazement when he admitted that his girlfriend had dumped him because of his f...

A young fellow goes up to 3 golfers

Hes says to one of them, "I hope you're wearing 2 socks", why asks the golfer, "in case you get a hole in one" answers the young fellow.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To the bastard thief who stole my anti-depressants...

... I hope you're fucking happy now!

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