A cold snap across the United States has seen Texas dealing with temperatures as low as -18

The demand for electricity has led to blackouts across the state, causing some people to go without Fox News for so long, they've stopped blaming the weather on Joe Biden.

Karen calls the police due to a blackout in her neighborhood

Karen: Excuse me, there's a black out in my neighborhood!

Police: Call Centerpoint Energy.

Karen: You don't understand, he's still here!

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night

The police told us to stay inside until they shot him

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A guy goes out and gets blackout drunk..

He wakes up the next day and realizes he lost his wallet.

All he can remember about the bar was the red door out front and the golden toilet in the back.

He goes to every bar in town until he finds one with a red door.

He goes in and asks the bartender, “hey man I got really ...

Every time there’s a blackout I feel so...

...powerless.

Did you hear about the blackout in Florida?

People were stuck on the escalators for 4 hrs

I was a Blackout Baby

In 9 months I'm having a Covid Kid

There were once three square kingdoms on different sides of a triangular river.

One night, the king of the first kingdom invited all the people of all three kingdoms over to the castle to celebrate his daughter’s 18th birthday. All the people of the kingdoms were enjoying themselves, until an argument between the three kings broke out between whose daughter was the most beautif...

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Dave comes home blackout drunk.

With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Phil in bed on top of his wife.

He lies down and instantly passes out.

Phil panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers:"Don't go, this moron is so drunk he won't even feel me plucking a hair on his ass."

The wife ...

With the citywide blackout, I couldn't tell if I was in front of my school or not. But I took a shot in the dark.

Yep, this is my school.

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A man wakes up with a huge hangover after getting blackout drunk the night before

painfully opens his eyes, looks around - "phew! At least I'm home". On the nightstand he sees a glass of water, an aspirin and a note saying "Honey, breakfast is ready, I love you with all my heart - xoxo, your wife".

Not understanding a thing, he walks to the kitchen and realizes that the ho...

TIFU by plugging in the wrong speaker into my computer, causing a blackout in my neighbourhood

Whoops, wrong sub

There was a blackout tonight.

It was caused by the current situation.

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I just watched a documentary on blackouts...

It was dark as fuck.

There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night.

The police told us to stay in our houses until they'd shot him

Why don't mathematicians ever get blackout drunk?

They know their limits.

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A single woman on her period decides that she does not longer want to sit around at home ...

... and that it is time to hit the town for some drinks. Maybe she will meet that special someone tonight? She decides to go to the local bar.

As she sits at the bar by herself a very drunk gentleman approaches and starts to flirt with her. It is clear the man wants to have sex with her. Howe...

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The Golden Toilet

Dugly goes out drinking one night and gets blackout drunk. He wakes up the next morning to find that he has lost his credit card. He needs to get it back but he got so drunk he doesn’t remember which bar he ended up at. The only thing he remembers is that the bar had a golden toilet.

He walks...

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A man goes out to meet an old friend.

This friend is his drinking buddy from back in the day when he would get blackout drunk. They meet at a bar, and the man immediately tells his friend that he can't drink.

Man: I can't get drunk like I used to, my wife would kill me.

Friend: Aww come on. It will be just like old times...

What does a suburban neighbourhood do if there's a blackout?

They lock their doors and windows.

There was a blackout in the streets of Houston yesterday...

Don't worry, the police have everything under control..... they shot him.

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday?

I blackout every Friday.

A goalkeeper and a striker are arguing over who's the better writer in their soccer team.

Their argument becomes so heated that their coach suggests that they do an essay-writing competition. The two teammates agree.

The next day, the two of them are told to spend 2 hours typing an essay on the team's history and tactics on two old-fashioned desktop computers with attached printer...

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I met a guy at the pub,... (long)

I met a guy at the pub, who was experimenting with AI and shoes. He had designed himself a pair of shoes that would learn where you live and where you go regularly and if you ever get lost the shoes would be able to guide you home.

He found out the best use for them was to get him home after ...

A Frenchman, an American, and a blond get captured by a group of terrorists

The terrorists explain that they will be generous and allow the prisoners to choose their own method of execution.

The Frenchman is up first. He says "I am French and wish to stick with my heritage! I choose the guillotine!" They set up a guillotine and SLAM goes the blade. His head falls in ...

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A Scotsman walks into a bar

Then proceeds to get blackout drunk for the night and attempts to stumble home. He passes out on the street as two American women on holiday pass by. One says to the other *"Let's see if what they say about kilts are true"* and sure enough there was no underwear to be seen. As a joke, one of the wom...

What should you do if there is a blackout at night?

Call the police, they'll come and shoot it.

A man and his son were walking through a dark coastal town.

They couldn't fathom why it was so dark. So they made their ways to an old harbourside Inn, and spoke to the landlord. He said that since their only source of energy ran out the town was suffering blackouts and there was nothing they could do about it without the funding for some cleaner, greener en...

These Brock Turner jokes are really distasteful.

Maybe they'd be okay if I was blackout drunk.

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So a lady walks into a bar...

A good looking woman who was known to get blackout drunk after drinking one bottle of beer walks into a tavern and orders a bottle of Budweiser. She finishes the beer, a few minutes pass, and she yells out; "I wanna make love to every guy in here"! And she does. Next evening, she goes to the same ba...

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers...

Jesus and Satan were arguing about who was better with computers, when they decided to see for sure by having a contest. Whoever could demonstrate greater skill, as judged by God, would be deemed the winner. So the two sat down at their computers and began typing, furiously creating spreadsheets, da...

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A drunk walks into the doctors office.

So this drunk goes to the doctor's office and says "Doc, I had a rough one last night. Got blackout drunk, broke into the Zoo and I think I got fucked by an elephant."

Doctor says, "why do you say that?" The drunk drops his pants and says, "well just look at my asshole" Doc can see it is stre...

Did you hear about player safety in the super bowl?

Both teams suffered from blackouts

How many Bill Cosbys does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one but every time he does he causes a blackout.

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Two childhood friends, Tom and Peter, were drinking in the bar...

As they haven't seen each other for a while they were drinking quite too much. However Peter drank more than Tom and in the morning he woke up with pain in the ass, naked in the same bed as Tom and with complete blackout of last night events.

- Tom, what happend yesterday? why my ass is hurt...

I admit I suffer from "Penguin Lust"

Nuns in their habits just really turn me on. Their vow of chastity is like a challenge. My friends know this about me so it was not much of a surprise that after a night of intense, blackout drinking, I ended up waking up in front of a convent, with my pants mysteriously missing.

I heard ...

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