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Bananas Jokes

Grocery bagger at the store earlier told me that they're not gonna make bananas any longer.

I replied, oh really? He responded, "Yeah, they're already long enough."

He got me good. I really enjoyed that today.

If farmer A sells apples, farmer B sells bananas, what does farmer C sell?

Medicine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy has a tapeworm in his intestine and tries many doctors but everybody fails to remove.Finally he tries an alternative doctor whom everybody recommended heavily and visits him.

The doctor says: Come back tomorrow with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The patient is confused but does as he’s told.

The next day he shows up with two bananas and a Snickers bar. The doctor proceeds to insert both bananas and the Snickers bar up the man’s ass.

The doctor then says ...

What do you call a shoe that is made from bananas?

A slipper

Why don't bananas ever adopt children?

Bananas foster

A man drives a train in Bulgaria. One day, he falls asleep driving and runs over someone walking on the tracks. Well, his case goes to court, and he gets the death sentence for murder

So, he’s on death row and the executioner approaches him.

“What would you like for your last meal?”

“I would like a banana please.”

The executioner thinks it’s weird, but shrugs and gives him a banana. The guy eats his banana, waits a while, and gets strapped into the electric c...

Today I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys,

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Chuck Norris doesn't unpeel bananas...

He unbananas peels

A train conductor kills 2 people and is sentenced to the electric chair...

A train conductor ends up killing two people while on the job. He is found guilty and sentenced to the electric chair. When the day comes, he is asked what he would want for his last meal, and he requests a banana. After finishing his meal, he is strapped to the chair and electrocuted. However, by s...

People in the U.S. eat more bananas than monkeys.

In 2016, they ate 73,432,384 bananas,
and only ate 6 monkeys.

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Two bananas are sunbathing next to a river...

when along comes a turd floating down the river. The turd sees the two bananas and shouts, "hey, you two should jump in, it's nice and warm!"

One banana turns to the other and says, "do you believe that shit?"

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He mad...

A recent study has found out that humans eat more bananas than monkeys..

Which makes sense. I don’t think I have ever eaten a monkey.

Did you know people eat more bananas then monkeys?

Monkeys are harder to catch even thought they both grow in trees!

Title is stolen from a comment, the rest is from my twisted mind.

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My ex girlfriend used to have sex with fruit whenever she got stressed.

After we broke up, she went fucking bananas.

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[Blonde][NSFW] The blonde asked her gynecologist “Why do I finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina?”

The amused doctor replied, “Those aren’t postage stamps, they’re the stickers that come on bananas”

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Two monkeys, one is lucky and the other is not...

Everyday they go to a banana farm and the lucky one climbs a tree and throws the bananas to the other one. And everyday, the farm owner gathers the farmers and catch the unlucky monkey and beat him.



One day, the unlucky monkey is fed up with the beating and tells the lucky monkey to w...

A French woman and a Spanish man had recently gotten married and moved to Spain.

The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a little and show her thighs which the seller understood.
One day, she wanted to buy bananas so she brought her husband with him.





As her husband could speak Spanish.

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Nsfw I caught my girlfriend using fruit to masturbate whenever i'm not home..

I told her that this is not going to work out.. Then she completed lost it and went fucking bananas!

Banana

A shopkeeper puts up a sign advertising a deal on bananas: one banana for $3 or three bananas for $10.

A man takes a look at the sign and notices that the bundle is a bad deal, so he decides to order one banana, then another banana, then one more, saving $1. Feeling smug, he asks the shopkeep...

What type of shoes do bananas wear.

Slippers

I am going bananas

That is what i say to my bananas every time i leave the house.

Why are bananas curved?

Otherwise the peel wouldn't fit!

"I am going bananas."

That's what I tell the bananas when I'm leaving the house.

What's the difference between a banana and bananas?

One is just a banana and the other is crazy.


As told to me by my 10 year son.

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My favorite joke clean joke for my cakeday.

A long time ago in a man from a small town became a train conductor. Unfortunately the man had a severe drinking problem that impacted his work and one day he managed to kill someone while drinking at work. After an investigation he was found guilty and sentenced to death by the electric chair.
...

Where did the two bananas settle their legal dispute?

The court of A-peels

TIL people eat way more bananas every year than monkeys

Because unlike monkeys, bananas are farmed

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What does an Australian call two yellow bananas having non consensual sex?

Ripe.

A few bananas are planning a heist

Right before they leap into action, they decide to run through the process again so all bananas know what they're doing.

Firstly, two bananas will be creating a distraction a distance away from the heist. Then, the rest of the bananas will scatter to confuse the enemy and start the heist.
...

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Monkeys and Bananas

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.
<...

Why are bananas never lonely?

They hang around in bunches!

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

A man is buying a bananas, an apple and two eggs.

The female cashier says: "You must be single."

The man replied: " Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

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Bananas

A girl realized that she had grown hair in between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mother about it.

Her mother although perplexed, feigned a calm exterior, and said - "That part where hair has grown is called monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair!"

The girl wa...

Did you know; you can fit 35 bananas in a kangaroos pouch

Also, I’m not allowed at the zoo anymore...

Bananas ...

George, a farmer out of Iowa, decides to visit the Big Apple.

Taken in by all the wonders of a big city, in his wandering comes across a dude holding bananas to his ears.

He stops him and ask: "Sir, why are you holding bananas to your ears?"

The dude replies: "To keep the allig...

I am against invisible bananas.

I can’t see the appeal.

Bananas Are Like Traffic Lights...

Except the colors mean different things. You see... with a traffic light green means go, Yellow means be cautious slow down & red means stop. On a banana, green means hold up be cautious. Yellow means go ahead it’s okay! & red means where the hell did you get that banana.

Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what’s invisible and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

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A younger chimp asks one of his elders what's a conditioned reflex.

The older chimp says: "When I press this red button an idiot in a white coat will open that door and bring us some bananas."

A uninsured monkey crashes car into a man and gets sued for all his bananas.

The monkey is already appealing

Time flies like the wind.

Fruit flies like bananas.

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Charles the Banana

Charles was a banana at the local Safeway, where he sat on the shelf with all the other bananas. Charles waited every day to be picked when, finally, a man picks up Charles in his bunch and buys him.

When Charles got home, the man put Charles on the counter. "Oh boy," he thought, "I'll final...

I asked my wife, “Did you know there’s a fruit which gives you your entire daily potassium requirement?”

Her: That’s bananas.

Me: I know. I was shocked too.

A study found that 97% of people prefer bananas with the skin on.

Without one, it just lacks appeal.

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