San Diego Jokes - 31 Hilarious San Diego Jokes

What do new IPhones have in common with San Diego?

No Chargers.

The San Diego Padres visited an orphanage in Mexico...

"It's really sad to see their faces with no hope" said Juan, age 9.

There used to be a mechanic shop in San Diego called “Car Men”

Now we don’t know where in the world it is

At the San Diego zoo the other day…

And looking in on the chimpanzees section and a big male comes up to the glass Right in front of where I’m standing. The chimp points at my shirt pocket and holds his fingers up like he wants to smoke. I pull the pack of cigarettes out of by breast pocket and he starts nodding his head profusely. I...

San Diego Comic Con and Dragoncon are going to pull their resources and merge into one event.

But it was called off because no one was happy with the con fusion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a ...

The guy who named San Diego...

must have dropped his breakfast waffle at the beach.

My neighbors have just moved 1000 miles to San Diego to beat Covid-19.

Apparently they're SoCal distancing.

What do you call a waffle you drop in the desert?

San Diego

^^San-dee-eygo
^^^^sandee-eygo
^^^^^sandy-eggo
^^^^^i'll ^^^^let^^^^myself^^^^out

Guys, I’ve got the heart of a lion!

And a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo

A passenger at an airport in New York was at the counter

-I'm going California for business, I want to go to Los Angeles, I want to send the big suitcase in my right hand to San Francisco and the smaller suitcase on ground to San Diego.

-Excuse me sir, but I'm afraid that's not possible, we can't do that.

-Great then, because that's what you...

An Ethiopian fell into an alligator pen at San Diego zoo

He ate 5 before they could get him out.

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Hitchhiker

One time as I was driving West through Arizona, I picked up a hitchhiker. He said he worked in a silver mine, and that he was coming to San Diego to have sex with dolphins. Right after we crossed the border into California, the police pulled us over and they arrested me. For transporting a miner acr...

There have been several small quakes in California since the beginning of the COVID19 outbreak, and scientists have determined that San Diego and Oceanside are now about 6 feet further apart.

They’re calling it SoCal distancing.

Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand?

San Diego

(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)

I just heard that Tony Bennett has Alzheimers.

He left his heart in San Diego.

The average IQ of America rose by 3% today.

We’re happy to report the succesful birth of baby chimpanzee Pascal at the San Diego Zoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is Santa Claus?

Because if in Spanish, "Santo" or "San" is used for male saints...
(San Francisco, San Diego)
And "Santa" is used for female saints...
(Santa Monica, Santa Barbara)
Wouldn't that make Santa Claus transsexual?

KILLER BISCUITS WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (the actual AP headline)

Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws and while she was there she went out to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back...

A guy goes into the airport...

...to check in for his flight to Amarillo.

When it comes time to check his bags, he says, "OK, I want this one to go to San Diego, this other one to go to Boston, and this third one to go to Miami."

"Sir," says the check-in officer, "I'm afraid we can't do that!"

"Why not? You d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I talked to my schoolteacher friend the other day.

She’s a schoolteacher in San Diego.

On the first day of school, she asked all of her first graders how many of them were San Diego Charger fans.

Of course, all of her kids raised their hands, except this one girl.

She looked at the girl curiously and asked, “Why aren’t you a Ch...

An old joke I learned in third grade...

So, this french guy - he wants to learn English. So boards a plane to the US and he hears the Pilot say "take off". The first stop he makes in the US is the San Diego Zoo, where he learns "zebra". While he's looking at the Zebras, a couple walks up with a stroller and he learns the word "baby". So t...

There was a deep sea fisherman

That accidentally caught an eagle porpoise - a rare species of porpoise (though not endangered) that inhabits the waters off Southern Mexico to Peru (ie, the Pacific coast). This species has a down-turned snout ideal for catching bottom-dwelling mollusks (octopi and squid) that inhabit the reefs and...

A man finds a magic lamp...

He rubs it and a genie comes out and say "hello! You have found my lamp and I shall grant you one wish. Perhaps the one thing you want most in life." The man thinks and responds "well, I've really wanted to go to Hawaii so I want you to build a bridge from San Diego to Hawaii." The genie responds "t...

A mother and baby camel are talking one day when ....

...the baby camel asks, "Mom why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"
The mother replies, "Well son, when we trek across the desert your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."
"Okay," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelas...

I was standing in line at the supermarket checkout last week.

I turned around and saw a beautiful young woman who looked a little familiar. I told her that I thought I knew her, to which she replied, "Well you should remember me. You`re the father of one of my kids."

I had to stop and think, and then it hit me. "New Years Eve - 2008. That rooftop pa...

Helping an Elephant

An American exchange student goes to Africa. While there, he spends a lot of time hiking around in the jungle. One day, he hears a commotion. He goes towards the sounds. Peering through some bushes, he spots an elephant.

The elephant seems to be in some distress. The student steps through...

Update on Robert from the Paid a Homeless Lady in Nashville $1 for 2 Jokes

Thread: http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/1rwb5t/i_paid_a_homeless_lady_in_nashville_1_for_two/ 2nd and 4th posts.

I received information today that Robert passed away in San Diego in August. This is the only information I will post.

Mods, if you don't mind letting this one camp a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Penguin visits the desert.

A penguin living on the southernmost tip of South America decides he's been freezing his ass off for far too long. He decides to rent a car and take a road trip up the West coast to warmer destinations. Eventually he winds up in San Diego, where he sees a sign for Las Vegas and decides he'd like to ...

Comic-Con Mysteries Panel

A friend of mine went to Comic-Con in San Diego a few years back, and attended a panel on mystery books and movies. Authors and actors there, a large panel, nearly 20 people. Most of the cast of the Sherlock Holmes movies and a few Agatha Christie adaptation were there. One of the audience members a...

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