Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

A store near me is offering a Columbus Day sale.

I'm going to walk in, take whatever I want, and kill anyone who tries to stop me.

Columbus discovered the new world..

..much like a meteorite discovered the Dinosaurs

Happy Chris Columbus Day! Say what you want about the guy but in reality....

We wouldn't have the first two Harry Potter movies without him.

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A ColumBUS

How do you celebrate Columbus Day?

By getting lost in a supermarket while looking for spices.

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

What was the last thing that Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?

"Okay men, get on the ship."

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

Did you hear about the storm of the century in Columbus?

Neither did I because, It was just rain and the lightning never showed up.

How Do Native Americans celebrate Columbus Day?

They walk into your house and say "We live here now"

How did Columbus greet the Native Americans when he first landed in the Americas?

With new diseases.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Noah do with all the shit from the ark?

He threw it overboard. A few thousand years later Christopher Columbus discovered it.

TIL Columbus was responsible for the extinction of the Taíno people

Which is weird, because I haven't even heard of them.

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

Due to the global pandemic disease, which spreads quickly and is potential fatal, many cities have canceled the St. Patrick's day parade.

Columbus Day celebrations will continue as scheduled

Things mothers said

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"


ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"


ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTH...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, it started to rain

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, two by two, it started to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. After the 15th day, with all the animals cooped up together with no designated toilet area, the ark began to smell. So Noah, being a wise old Noah, decided to set up a designated shitting area at the b...

Guy at work: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they?

Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

The Redskins are currently getting destroyed on MNF

Wouldn't be the first time they got destroyed on Columbus Day.

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

The Indians, Braves, and Redskins lost yesterday.

Yesterday was Columbus Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elderly Scottish Jew

An elderly Scottish Jew decides to slow down and take up golf.

So he applies for membership at the local club.

After a week he receives a message that his application has been rejected.


So he goes down to the club to inquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is ...

When was the last time the Indians were the champions?

Before Columbus came.

Got an email from an airline inviting me to"Discover America".

I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

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