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Columbus Jokes

Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

A store near me is offering a Columbus Day sale.

I'm going to walk in, take whatever I want, and kill anyone who tries to stop me.

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

Columbus discovered the new world..

..much like a meteorite discovered the Dinosaurs

Happy Columbus Day

I’m celebrating by getting lost in the grocery store while looking for the spice aisle.

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus’ ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That’s almost a three to Juan ratio.

How do people from Columbus greet each other?

Oh, hi yo!

Happy Chris Columbus Day! Say what you want about the guy but in reality....

We wouldn't have the first two Harry Potter movies without him.

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

How did Columbus greet the Native Americans when he first landed in the Americas?

With new diseases.

What was the last thing that Columbus said to his sailors before getting on the ship?

"Okay men, get on the ship."

Columbus,Marco Polo etc,are not the bravest explorers of all time.

Its the Internet Explorer.

It is brave enough to ask to be my default browser.

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

How Do Native Americans celebrate Columbus Day?

They walk into your house and say "We live here now"

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

The Cleveland Indians and the Atlanta Braves were both eliminated from the playoffs on Columbus Day.

And the Redskins might lose too.

Two guys in an insane asylum are up for parole

The first guy goes into see the commitee, and they ask him some questions.

C: "Who discovered America?"

IG1: "Christopher Columbus."

C: "How long ago was that?"

IG1: "Around three hundred years..."

C: "Do aliens exist?"

IG1: "It's possible, but there's no pr...

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A ColumBUS

bread like fruitcakes, uneaten.

Onboard a naval ship, the sailors were turning in their food trays with everything eaten but the bread. This upset the mess officer who had baked the bread. When he asked if there was something wrong with the bread, some sailors said it was too hard. The officer would have none of that.

“If C...

Things mothers said

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"


ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"


ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTH...

The Redskins were murdered today in New Orleans

Wouldn't be the first time they got murdered around Columbus Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

TIL Columbus was responsible for the extinction of the Taíno people

Which is weird, because I haven't even heard of them.

What’s a New York Irish Catholic view of heaven?

A Knight’s of Columbus with an open bar.

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, it started to rain

After Noah led the animals onto the ark, two by two, it started to rain for 40 days and 40 nights. After the 15th day, with all the animals cooped up together with no designated toilet area, the ark began to smell. So Noah, being a wise old Noah, decided to set up a designated shitting area at the b...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

It could happen

Ah Mis’sippi Highway Patrol trooper pulled a car over on Hwy 82 about 2 miles east of tha’ River Bridge at Greenville ‘bout 4:00 yesterday afternoon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was ah Magician and ah Juggler and he was on his way to Columbus, Mis...

Guy at work: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they?

Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Noah

Ever wondered what Noah did with all the animal shit on the Ark?

He shovelled it all overboard and then Christopher Columbus discovered it 2000 years later

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

When was the last time the Indians were the champions?

Before Columbus came.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elderly Scottish Jew

An elderly Scottish Jew decides to slow down and take up golf.

So he applies for membership at the local club.

After a week he receives a message that his application has been rejected.


So he goes down to the club to inquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is ...

Donation Request ----SENT FROM FORMER 3 STAR GENERAL, FORMER SENATOR, ROBERT WINGLASS ( AND CLASSMATE )

Dear Friends:
I have the distinguished honor of being a member of the Committee to raise $50,000,000 for a monument to Hillary R. Clinton. We originally wanted to put her on Mt. Rushmore until we discovered there was not enough room for her two faces.
We then decided to erect a statue of Hilla...

Got an email from an airline inviting me to"Discover America".

I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

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