The 35+ Best Columbus Jokes

Christopher Columbus got lost

Because the directions weren't 'pacific

A store near me is offering a Columbus Day sale.

I'm going to walk in, take whatever I want, and kill anyone who tries to stop me.

How much oil did Christopher Columbus need to reach America?

3 Galleons.

Columbus discovered the new world..

..much like a meteorite discovered the Dinosaurs

Happy Columbus Day

I’m celebrating by getting lost in the grocery store while looking for the spice aisle.

23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus’ ship Santa Maria were named Juan

That’s almost a three to Juan ratio.

How do people from Columbus greet each other?

Oh, hi yo!

Is it pure coincidence that in Spanish Christopher Columbus is called Colón?

Or was he given that name because he COLONised?

Happy Chris Columbus Day! Say what you want about the guy but in reality....

We wouldn't have the first two Harry Potter movies without him.

Christopher Columbus is like...

...the person who comments “First” on a post even though they are not the first.

How did Columbus greet the Native Americans when he first landed in the Americas?

With new diseases.

Did you hear about the weekly poker game with Vasco da Gama, Christopher Columbus, Leif Erikson, and Francisco Pizarro?

They can never seem to beat the Straights of Magellan.

Why doesn't Columbus Ohio have a professional football team?

Because then Cincinnati and Cleveland would want one too.

Columbus,Marco Polo etc,are not the bravest explorers of all time.

Its the Internet Explorer.

It is brave enough to ask to be my default browser.

How Do Native Americans celebrate Columbus Day?

They walk into your house and say "We live here now"

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

Things mothers said

THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER:
"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now, turn it off and get to bed!"

ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER:
"Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"

ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTH...

If Historical figures only had a Jewish Mother...

MONA LISA'S JEWISH MOTHER: "After all the money your father and I spent on braces, this you call a smile?"

CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS' JEWISH MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, you didn't call, you didn't write."

MICHELANGELO'S JEWISH MOTHER: "A ceiling you paint? No...

What kind of bus can cross the ocean?

A ColumBUS

bread like fruitcakes, uneaten.

Onboard a naval ship, the sailors were turning in their food trays with everything eaten but the bread. This upset the mess officer who had baked the bread. When he asked if there was something wrong with the bread, some sailors said it was too hard. The officer would have none of that.

“If C...

The Redskins were murdered today in New Orleans

Wouldn't be the first time they got murdered around Columbus Day.

TIL Columbus was responsible for the extinction of the Taíno people

Which is weird, because I haven't even heard of them.

Columbus didn't get to India because he was dis-Oriented

He found the Americas by Occident.

What’s a New York Irish Catholic view of heaven?

A Knight’s of Columbus with an open bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man rules

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitc...

How do you celebrate Christopher Columbus day?

Barge into your neighbor's home and claim it as yours.

The Indians, Braves, and Redskins lost yesterday.

Yesterday was Columbus Day.

It could happen

Ah Mis’sippi Highway Patrol trooper pulled a car over on Hwy 82 about 2 miles east of tha’ River Bridge at Greenville ‘bout 4:00 yesterday afternoon.

When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was ah Magician and ah Juggler and he was on his way to Columbus, Mis...

Famous people and their mothers

*Issac Newton's mother--* "But did you wash the apple before eating it?"

*Archimedes's mother--* "Didn't you have any shame running naked in the street from? And, WHO is this girl Eureka???”

*Thomas Edison's mother--* Of course I am proud that you invented the electric bulb. Now tu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Noah

Ever wondered what Noah did with all the animal shit on the Ark?

He shovelled it all overboard and then Christopher Columbus discovered it 2000 years later

Guy at work: They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving in India, do they?

Me: They would if Columbus had stopped to ask for directions...

What's worse than being a tanning salon owner in Africa?

Being a Somali Uber driver in Columbus, Ohio.

Two native Cubans are going for a stroll through the forest.

The first guy mentions that he didn’t finish his hunting quota in time for supper, and explains that if he doesn’t find something suitable soon, his wife is going to be very cross with him.

The second guy, recognizing his friend’s plight, offers to assist the first in his hunt but asks a favo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elderly Scottish Jew

An elderly Scottish Jew decides to slow down and take up golf.

So he applies for membership at the local club.

After a week he receives a message that his application has been rejected.

So he goes down to the club to inquire why.

Secretary: You are aware that this is ...

Got an email from an airline inviting me to"Discover America".

I've replied with a link to the Wikipedia page about Christopher Columbus.

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