NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

At 11:59:54 AM at NASA:

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Lunch.

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There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* fuckup.

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

How does NASA organize a party?

They planet.

Dear NASA:

Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto

NASA was experimenting with animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

NASA hired Stanley Kubrick to help fake the moon landings

But he was such a perfectionist, he filmed on location.

NASA was preparing for the Apollo project.

When NASA was preparing, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the ...

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut?

"NASA: The Sky's The Limit"

Rumor has it that Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin decided to team up with NASA to fake the moon landing together, but to make it look as realistic as possible, they urged NASA to film on location.

Compliments of Neil De Grasse Tyson

NASA received the bill from SpaceX for sending astronauts into space and they were shocked to see that it was nearly 3 billion dollars

They phoned Elon Musk and explained that they thought SpaceX wouldn't be charging to send astronauts into space.

Elon Musk responded by saying, 'there's no such thing as a free launch'

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

NASA just announced that there are no cats in Mars

Curiosity killed them

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I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters?

Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn’t last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

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A NASA scientist, Argentinian, and Nazi walked into a bar

He was promptly kicked out.

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant,...

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What does me and NASA have in common

We both want to colonize Uranus.

Did you hear that NASA found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

NASA has been sending animals to space.

They started with a cow and a pig.
But the rocket failed at takeoff and ejected both animals.
The pig was disintegrated on the way back down the earth but the cow survived and landed safely on earth.
At the the press briefing reporters asked the NASA scientists how the cow survived and pig...

Why did NASA switch to Sprite?

They were unable to get 7up

What's the meal that the people at NASA usually skip?

Launch.

NASA found water on Mars

Mars: 1
Africa: 0

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil...

They're calling them Astro-nuts.

How did NASA decide to keep the ships warm on board?

Space heaters

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

What is a Audit?

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road.

Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the...

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

NASA has said that an engineers pet was crushed during Mars Rover testing

Turns out Curiosity did kill the cat.

I can't believe the NASA/SpaceX Astronauts...

Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit **too** seriously?

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

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NASA.

Just heard NASA is looking for people from diverse backgrounds. Yea, good luck getting black people on a ship to a new world

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Be careful with NASA’s toilet paper...

It will leave rings around your anus.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

After an astronaut fell into a black hole, an official from NASA was explaining the situation to his, now widowed, ex-wife.

"What do you mean he was spaghettified?" The widow interjects.

The official replies, "I'm sorry, Mam. Your husband has... Pasta way..."

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

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Nasa scientists became fed up of jokes on Uranus and decided to change it's name

It's now called Urrectum

How does NASA get away with murder?

They planet

NASA is finally letting women walk in space.

Probably safer than letting them drive.

Why did Not-so-nice Bill's wife leave him for an astronaut?

She wanted a NASA-guy

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

It’s 1961, and a NASA scientist is sitting in his office when an intern bursts in

“Sir! Sir! The Russians...”

The scientist looks inquisitively at him. “Yes? What about them?”

The intern takes a moment to catch his breath and says, “The Russians have gone into space!”

The scientist jumps out of his chair. “ALL OF THEM?”

“No, just one.”

The scien...

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons

So now there's a tack on Titan.

What is NASA’s favorite part of using a computer?

The SPACE bar!

One of NASA's first astronauts has recently died.

I know because I just read his orbit.

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NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

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NASA builds a rocket that’s shaped like a penis

One of the workers comes up to the head engineer and asks,

“Will it fly?”

“I’m not sure, but it’ll definitely get up.”

When I die, I'd like to donate my heart to NASA

That way they can finally see what a black hole actually looks like.

What's the difference between Martha Stewart and NASA??

Martha Stewart teaches cooks and NASA cooks teachers

What grade did the NASA employee get on their exam?

A T-minus

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Trump visits NASA...

He called a meeting of all the top scientists and department heads. As a staffer called for quiet, everyone took a seat and Trump stepped up to the lectern and began speaking.

"I'm very happy to be here with the fine people of NASA today. Very happy. As you know, during my campaign I promised...

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

Yo mama soooo fat

When she jumped into the pool, nasa found water on Mars.

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

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Jack is a cowboy working on a large ranch in a remote pasture in Wyoming.

One day as he’s overseeing the livestock on the ranch a brand-new 7 Series BMW suddenly advances towards him creating an enormous cloud of dust in the process

The car stops and the driver is a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie. He steps out of the car and...

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...

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20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

Why did NASA fly to the Moon?

It's too far to walk

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NASA job interview

I was interviewing for a cheif of engineering position at NASA, when they asked me what my goals were

I answered: "To land my rocket on Uranus"

They didn't hire me

The Nasa Parker Solar probe will be 4 million miles away from the sun

Due to the high temperatures it will have to operate at night.

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...


They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

NASA have decided that the Astronauts are going to have a party in space this christmas, the food is going to be wonderful but:

No atmosphere..

Nasa just named a nebula after Muhammad Ali...

...Gaseous Clay

How does NASA organize their company parties?

They planet.


[Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

Why does NASA send their workers Sprite?

Because since the Shuttle stopped flying, they can't send 7 Up any more.

I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream

...by blowing up a school teacher.

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