UPJOKE
soyuzmarssatellitespace shuttlespace racesoviet unionaeronauticsspace stationaerospaceorbitastronautsspacevenusrussiagalileo

Did you hear what NASA's new slogan will be once their budget is cut?

"NASA: The Sky's The Limit"

Leaked NASA documents show the Moon landing was done in a Studio.

On the moon.

At 11:59:54 AM at NASA:

6...

5...

4...

3...

2...

1...

Lunch.

NASA's DART spacecraft successfully slams into asteroid.

Just like the Mars Polar Lander did on Mars.

What was NASA thinking when they decided to fly a rocket into a meteor?

Did I hit or didymos.

Trump's wall will cost 21.6 billion, Nasa's budget is only 19 billion

Probably because Mexico has more aliens

NASA was preparing for the Apollo project.

When NASA was preparing, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the ...

How come when NASA shows pictures of their black hole, it’s “breaking news”

But when I show pictures of mine it’s an “HR violation”

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn't return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. "A million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M.I.T."

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family", ...

My Hispanic friend keep telling me that NASA always have sent chicken propelled rockets to space

Look at all the "Apollo" missions, he say

It’s 1961. A Nasa scientist and a soviet scientist have a meeting..

…Nasa scientist:“Well now that we are alone we can speak german to each other.

In the age of streaming I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV

Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war..

I heard that NASA is going to send cows into space soon.

The steaks have never been higher.

How does NASA plan a party?

They planet

NASA is getting transmission from their moon mission astronauts

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians just landed on the moon."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Russians started to paint moon red."

"It's OK, continue your mission, ignore the Russians."

"Houston, we have a problem. Hal...

Why didn't NASA name apollo rockets with letters?

Because if Apollo F crashed with all it's crew, they would have to make an Apollo G.

Nasa kicked me out of their astronaut training programme...

They said I was a waste of space!

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn’t last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

Why do Republicans hate funding NASA?

NASA aborts rocket launches.

NASA Just found water on mars

Mars-1


Africa-0

Did you hear that NASA found bones on the moon?

The cow didn't make it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A shepherd was herding his flock

in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leaned out the window and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, ...

Today I learned skeletons are actually barred from joining NASA

Apperantly the job takes guts.

Dear NASA:

Your mom thought I was big enough.–Pluto

NASA hired Stanley Kubrick to help fake the moon landings

But he was such a perfectionist, he filmed on location.

Why did NASA switch to Sprite?

They were unable to get 7up

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA recently decided to launch Uranus into a black hole

Personally I don't think it's a good idea to be rubbing Uranus and Heranus together.

I can't believe the NASA/SpaceX Astronauts...

Don't you think they are taking "Social Distancing" a bit **too** seriously?

I’m unemployed and asked my friend for advice.

He told me: “Get a job at NASA, they always have space.”

Breaking news :NASA wants first person to reach Mars, to be a woman.

So that when men arrive, dinner would be ready.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does me and NASA have in common

We both want to colonize Uranus.

NASA is currently investigating why Mars used to be warm and wet and now dry and cold.

My guess is 5-10 years of marriage.

NASA's Perseverance rover on Mars has successfully tested a device that can convert carbon dioxide (98% of Mar's atmosphere) into oxygen and carbon monoxide.

Sounds like a great idea, until all the Martians start dying from carbon monoxide poisoning.

What award does NASA give the astronauts that board their spacecraft particularly quickly?

The starship -enter-prize.

Mars and NASA

Mars: Come over

NASA: You're 33.9 million miles away

Mars: I'm wet

NASA: I'm coming over

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Be careful with NASA’s toilet paper...

It will leave rings around your anus.

How did NASA decide to keep the ships warm on board?

Space heaters

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between NASA and the NSA?

One seeks to probe Uranus and the other seeks to probe your anus.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are fuckups, there are royal fuckups, and then there was NASA crashing a spaceship because they confused pounds and kilos.

That was an *Imperial* fuckup.

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I hear NASA wants to put the DNA of 6.7 million species on the Moon.

That's a pretty big cum shot if you ask me.

NASA has been sending animals to space.

They started with a cow and a pig.
But the rocket failed at takeoff and ejected both animals.
The pig was disintegrated on the way back down the earth but the cow survived and landed safely on earth.
At the the press briefing reporters asked the NASA scientists how the cow survived and pig...

NASA had a supply of rib eye on the last flight to the international space station to see how meat cooked in space. They called it their most important mission.

Because the steaks were never higher.

Astronauts preparing for STS-134 lobbied NASA to include fresh apples on board the final flight of the shuttle, but were ultimately unsuccessful.

Needless to say, it was a fruitless Endeavour

How does NASA get away with murder?

They planet

NASA is currently developing a way to grow cashews on the Moon's soil...

They're calling them Astro-nuts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A NASA scientist, Argentinian, and Nazi walked into a bar

He was promptly kicked out.

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

You should send picture of your ex to NASA.

Apparently they are desperate to get a photograph of A hole that sucks all your time, light and energy.

It’s 1961, and a NASA scientist is sitting in his office when an intern bursts in

“Sir! Sir! The Russians...”

The scientist looks inquisitively at him. “Yes? What about them?”

The intern takes a moment to catch his breath and says, “The Russians have gone into space!”

The scientist jumps out of his chair. “ALL OF THEM?”

“No, just one.”

The scien...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nasa scientists became fed up of jokes on Uranus and decided to change it's name

It's now called Urrectum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA.

Just heard NASA is looking for people from diverse backgrounds. Yea, good luck getting black people on a ship to a new world

What is NASA’s favorite part of using a computer?

The SPACE bar!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA found evidence of a parallel universe where time runs backwards.

But we already knew about West Virginia.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA builds a rocket that’s shaped like a penis

One of the workers comes up to the head engineer and asks,

“Will it fly?”

“I’m not sure, but it’ll definitely get up.”

How does NASA identify dead planets?

They look through the orbituaries.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump visits NASA...

He called a meeting of all the top scientists and department heads. As a staffer called for quiet, everyone took a seat and Trump stepped up to the lectern and began speaking.

"I'm very happy to be here with the fine people of NASA today. Very happy. As you know, during my campaign I promised...

How does NASA organize their company parties?

They planet.


[Please take pity on me i am very unfunny :(]

Nasa decided to put a random object on all of Saturn's moons

So now there's a tack on Titan.

NASA announced today it discovered a petting zoo on Mars

This comes after an accident in which Curiosity killed the cat.

Scientists now think cats originated on Mars. NASA was set to retrieve a specimen confirming this,

...but curiosity killed it.

I hear NASA has a plan to send everyone with covid 19 into space

They're calling it a corona mass ejection

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...

What do you call a nun who works at NASA

A physister!

NASA discovers 10 earth like planets.

Within a month of Trump taking office, NASA has discovered 10 earth like planets...


They say necessity is the mother of invention !!

What grade did the NASA employee get on their exam?

A T-minus

NASA is finally letting women walk in space.

Probably safer than letting them drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA job interview

I was interviewing for a cheif of engineering position at NASA, when they asked me what my goals were

I answered: "To land my rocket on Uranus"

They didn't hire me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

I'd always dreamed of being in NASA but it wasn't what I'd imagined it would be

For one all the people there were very rude. They kept saying things like "You shouldn't be here," "Oh my," and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL"

NASA just announced discovery of oil on Mars

Humans^* are finally going to Mars

^* US Army

I want to pay respects to the Mars Rover that NASA lost contact with.

It's a missed Opportunity.

What happens after NASA farts?

It apollogises.

Why did NASA cancel the all-female spacewalk?

None of them would go outside the rocket wearing the same outfit.

One of NASA's first astronauts has recently died.

I know because I just read his orbit.

Why did NASA fly to the Moon?

It's too far to walk

NASA found a dead feline on Mars.

Turns out, Curiosity killed the cat.

The Nasa Parker Solar probe will be 4 million miles away from the sun

Due to the high temperatures it will have to operate at night.

What's the difference between Martha Stewart and NASA??

Martha Stewart teaches cooks and NASA cooks teachers

When I die, I'd like to donate my heart to NASA

That way they can finally see what a black hole actually looks like.

NASA should tell the US government they found oil on Mars

And then watch the funding skyrocket

Back during the Apollo moon-missions, NASA astronauts left an American flag on the surface of the moon.

Over the years, unfortunately, the sun's harsh cosmic rays have bleached the flag completely white. So, any future visitors to the moon will no longer be able to find any proof that the *US* went to the moon, since the only flag left is the French flag.

NASA does not curry favor

neither does it favor Curry.

In honor of the 30 year anniversary of the Challenger explosion. What does NASA stand for?

Need Another Seven Astronauts

Why does NASA send their workers Sprite?

Because since the Shuttle stopped flying, they can't send 7 Up any more.

NASA sends a redneck and a chimpanzee to the moon.

When the rocket lands on the moon's surface, the computer screen automatically switches itself on & the chimpanzee clicks on the desktop file that contains his instructions:-

1)....Ensure that rocket has landed at the correct co-ordinates and is anchored safely.
2)....Check ALL l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

20 years into the future, NASA has a program for the public to travel to all planets. NASA has a Kennedy Space Center Ticket kiosk, run by Neil deGrasse. A man walks up with $200 "One ticket to soar around Uranus." Neil: "Here you go, you must take the proper precautions,the journey is rough."

"You have to pass through a black hole to get there."

NASA confirmed that, in the end of the afternoon of day 21, the skies are going to be very dark.

It's a phenomenon called "Night".

BREAKING NEWS: NASA announces Mars Rover discovered new feline-like life form on the Red Planet

Unfortunately, it ran over the newly discovered creature. Yes, it seems Curiosity killed the cat.

Did you know that NASA sent a bunch of cows into orbit?

It was the herd shot round the world.

I'll never forget the moment when NASA accomplished every child's dream

...by blowing up a school teacher.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.