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Peephole Jokes

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Two guys in brothel

Two young guys come to the brothel, they knock on the door and sliding peephole opens

Man with gruff voice asks : What do you want?

Guys : To get inside

Man : How much money you got

Guys, after going trough their pockets : erm ... 20$

Man laughs : For that much you...

There was a peephole found in the women's restroom at work

the boss is looking into it

How did Marilyn Manson know there was someone at his front door?

The beautiful peephole, the beautiful peephole.

A peephole was found drilled into the wall of a women's locker room in a gym in Manhattan.

...........The police are looking into it.

At first I didn’t know an angry mob was outside my home because I only heard a polite knock on my door.

But when I discovered the truth of my predicament, I stayed as quiet as a mouse—quieter, even—and fortunately, after a short time, they all got bored and left.

Power to the peephole.

An athiest wakes up in hell.

He looks around confused at the bright shining sun and the best beach party he's ever seen.
People are singing and dancing, laughing and playing, splashing in the crystal water and drinking, just having the best time.

Shortly the devil walks up to him wearing shorts, hat, and raising a g...

One positive thing about voyeurs:

They tend to be real peephole pleasers

Wouldn't it have been amazing if John Lennon had invented that device that you put in your front door to secretly see who's on the other side...

I mean, imagine all the peepholes.

A woman lives in an apartment with three neighbors on her floor

One night while taking a shower, the door bell rings.

She puts on a towel, gets out, and looks through the door's peephole.

It's her neighbor who's a fireman. She opens the door.

"Hey, Just wanted to let you know I put out my first fire!" he exclaims.

"Congratulations!" S...

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A man goes to a house of ill repute

He knocks on the door and a woman opens the peephole door, "Yes?" The man says "I'd like to get fucked." The woman replies "Okay just slip me 100 dollars through the peephole." He does and sits outside waiting. Nothing happens, he beats on the door. The woman opens the peephole door, "Yes?" The man ...

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A guy goes into a bar to celebrate his last night out before he gets married

He pulls up a stool and orders a hard drink right off the bat.

The bartender asks "What's the occasion?"

"Well, it's my last night out to do anything fun and crazy before I tie the knot"

"Congratulations! This ones on the house, I wish y'all the best of luck."

"Thanks m...

I am at my local police station

and I just heard that someone stole their toilet now they have nothing to go on. To make matters worse someone made a glory hole in the wall of a stall they are waiting by it for anonymous tips. On top of that in their women's room they found a peephole, they are still looking into it.

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A joke my dad's friend told me when I was way too young

Going off the dome for this one but it's been burned in my head since I was 8; apologies if it's been told before (couldn't find a direct post). Also, this joke, is uh, from a different era? Apologies again.

There was a woman who found herself recently single after her abusive husband suddenl...

Knock-Knock, Whose There?

"Peephole salesman!"

What did Moses say when he wanted to see through his door?

Let my peephole grow!

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What makes you think you're so good in bed?

A woman is in a relationship with an abusive man, but for years she justifies staying with him because he is great in bed. Until one day the man hits her and kicks her to the point where he crosses her line. She finally dumps him and tries to move on.

Being out of the dating game for a wh...

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Insatiable sexual appetite.

A man with an insatiable appetite for prostitutes is walking down the street with $10 left to his name. He passes a place with blacked out windows offering three X's of entertainment. Thinking "what the hell" he walks in and asks what he can get for a five. The clerk points him to a room and tells ...

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A man and his Parrot

A man is looking through a pet store and sees a parrot for dirt cheap, he thinks to himself, "eh, what the hell, I'll buy it." He gets it home and setup in a nice comfy cage and the first thing the bird says "Fuck you chump." the man is aghast but lets it go. A few minutes later the bird is at it...

a joke from fifth grade

A woman staying in a hotel was taking a shower after a long days work when she heard a knock on her door. She went to the door, looked through the door-hole and saw it was her friend Steve. She wrapped a towel around her and opened the door.

"I finally got my racing licence!" exclaimed Steve...

A knock at the door

Every day, Jim gets two six packs on the way home from work. When he gets home, he sits in his living room until they're gone. One day, just as he's getting to the end of the last beer, he hears a knock at the door. He goes to answer it, and sees a six foot tall grasshopper. Before he can say a word...

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I Am The Viper! (Long)

A young man inherited a stately manor from his uncle after his untimely passing. The man's uncle was in reasonably good health, but was found dead in his library. His body bore signs of poisoning, but there was no one else with him the night of his death and no poison was found in his system or on t...

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