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Tunnel Jokes

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel

A REALIST sees a freight train

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks
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A train goes under a tunnel. Credits to /u/capilot

A soldier, an officer, a young woman, and a matron are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes into a tunnel, and for a moment all is dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The light comes back, and the officer is rubbing his face.

The matron thinks "that awful officer kissed the y...
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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man and his boss have to travel to a city 500 miles away. Due to cost cutting measures put in place by the boss, they take the train instead of the flight which was four hours faster.

As they entered their train compartment, the young man and the boss found themselves opposite to a gorgeous twenty something girl and her sixty year old looking mother.

Within a few minutes, the young man and the girl start giving quick glances at each other. After twenty minutes or so, the ...

Why did the chicken start digging a tunnel?

So it didn’t have to risk crossing the road
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A prisoner has been digging up a tunnel under his cell for years

One day he while he was digging he saw the light, he reached the end of tunnel and ended up in a kindergarten playground

"I'm free, I'm free!" shouted the escaped prisoner

"so what? I'm four" said one of the toddlers
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I’ve never been fond of making tunnels.

It’s just boring.
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a nun and a young woman are sitting in a train compartment

The train drives into a tunnel, the lights in the compartment have gone out, it is pitch black. Suddenly a loud SMACK! is heard, and when the train is back out of the tunnel, the Frenchman is in pain, holding his red cheek.

The Nun thinks: "He must have groped the young woman and she slapped ...

It's 1987 and an Englishman and a Frenchman are discussing the Channel Tunnel.

The Frenchman is saying how wonderful it is that this co-operative venture is taking place, and that he never expected the English to go to such trouble to be united to the mainland of Europe.

"Oh that's nothing," says the Englishman, "You should have seen the trouble we had digging the...
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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Two tunnels

Once a tunnel was to be build through a mountain, but the state is running low on budget.


Two brothers from India accepted the challenge and agreed to work this out on the small budget. Curious about their enthusiam, the supervisor asked about any possible plan they are having.

To ...
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A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prison

He is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.

After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison grounds.

He is overwhelmed with happiness and the thought of finally bein...
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What did the wind tunnel say to the aerospace engineer?

I'm a big fan!
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Tunnel project

A japanese, a german and a Turkish company are fighting to take a tunnel project from a government to complete.

The germans say they start digging from one end and get out from the other end and deliver one tunnel.

The japans say they would start digging from the both end and meet at ...

Three moles are in a narrow tunnel heading to the royal bakery

The first one says, "I smell sugar."


The second says, "I smell cinnamon."


The third one says, "I smell molasses."
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I thought digging tunnels would be exciting…

Turns out it’s boring
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A blonde woman visits her husband in prison.

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: “You shouldn’t make my husband work like that. He’s exhausted!”

The officer laughs and says, “Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!”

The wife replies: “Bullsht! He just told me he’s been digging a tunnel for mo...
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A programmer and his project manager board a train headed through the mountains. They can find no other place to sit, except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it becomes quite clear that the woman and the programmer are interested in each other, as they keep looking at each other.

Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is the sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train finally e...
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A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...
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I have my own tunnel of love!

Other people call it a severely clogged artery, but I don't care.
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Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting

Some may even call it boring
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A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...
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Did you hear about the priest who got carpal tunnel syndrome from playing too many old-timey card games?

He received the euchre-wrist.
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3 moles were shuffling down a tunnel, when the first one says

"hmmm, I smell honey!"

The second one twitches his nose and says "mmm I'm not sure sure.. It smells more like sugar to me!"

The third mole wrinkles his nose... "nope, it's definitely molasses!"
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2021 wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel

It was a train
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A man is looking for a long lost treasure and comes across an old witch.

He says, "I'm looking for the Treasure of the Hidden Sea. Do you know where to find it?"

She smiles and says, "I do. But there is a price to pay if you do."

"I'll pay anything," the man says knowing that he's been looking for this treasure for three decades. "Just tell me how to get ...

When a mine shaft collapses it’s known to make a specific musical tone when the air rushes through the tunnels. What note is it?

A flat miner
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I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
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Before the Revolution, a Unit of Chinese Troops was Charged with Digging a Tunnel

The engineer described his plan to the commanding officer: "We will have dynamite and a hundred soldiers with shovels on one side of the mountain, and dynamite and a hundred soldiers on the other side of the mountain. And when they meet in the middle, we'll have a tunnel."

"What if they d...
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I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth.

But eventually I caved.
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Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is....

quite a ground breaking invention.
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Tunnel closure

The Dartford Tunnel has been closed today as
The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the tunnel approach last night.

There was concerns that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was...
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I hate driving through tunnels [OC]

They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome
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What does a guy that likes to save money do when reaches the light at the end of the tunnel?

He turns it off
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Two miners got trapped in a dark tunnel after a mine collapse, blocking their way in, and cutting off the power and lights.

One miner remained calm. He knew that there was other exits from the mine, but in the complete darkness, he had no way to navigate. He remained trapped.

The other miner started panicking. It was so dark, he had a wife and kids at home, he didn’t want to die like this. He was hyperventilating....
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Elon Musk’s tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!
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I used to work tunneling through cemeteries.

It was dead boring.
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Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
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People often see a light at the end of a tunnel in many near-death experiences

They should really get off of the road
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What do you call repetitve and monotonous tunnel digging work?

Boring work.
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A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.

“License and registration” the officer says.

“No problem” replies the motorist.

“What are you doing out so late sir?” the officer asks.

“Just had a late night at work” he replies.

“Really? What do you do for work?” the officer says.

“Well...I’m an asshole stretche...

I went through the Lincoln tunnel today and I gotta say, I’m not ok with the name of where you pay your toll…

…The “John Wilkes booth”?!?!
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Tomb Raider gave me carpal tunnel syndrome.

...and that was just the box art.
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Went to a carnival but the Tunnel of Love was broken

They hung up a sign that said Out of Ardor
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A pessimist, an optimist and a conductor are in a tunnel

P: "There is nothing but darkness at the end of the tunnel."

o: "I see a beautiful shining light at the end of the tunnel."

C: "Why are there two morons on the tracks?"
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After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.
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If it wasn't for Carpal Tunnel

I wouldn't know when to stop masturbating.

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision
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What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel
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Today a tunnel my coworkers were in collapsed trapping the entire work crew inside.

I would report it to the police but it sounds like a miner problem.
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Why are people from New York always depressed.

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.
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The only good thing about developing carpal tunnel...

Now when I jack it, it really does feel like someone else’s hand.
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Why is building a bridge better than building a tunnel?

One is riveting, the other is boring.
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Whenever I'm down, I always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope it's a train this time.
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I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.
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I've been operating the same tunnel-digging machine for years...

...it was boring when I started, and it's still boring now.
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Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels.

Because it's boring.
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A lion and lioness are just sitting in a jungle

A dog comes around and starts abusing them, the lioness asks the lion are you going to just listen or are you going to do anything about this disrespect. The lion ignores the lioness. The lioness couldn't take the abuse any more and starts chasing the dog.

The dog runs and runs and enters a t...

An atheist dies and he sees a tunnel with a light at the end.

zeps/u kcuf -- mass edited with redact.dev
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I woke up this morning and thought I had tunnel vision.

Luckily it was a false alarm, the wife just fancied a 69.
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What did yoda tell the snowman when he found out he had tunnel vision?

All icy is you!

I legit thought of this joke when i was like 10 and im so proud i remembered it.
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Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail?

It was a runaway success.
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A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman...

A nun, a blonde, a German and a Dutchman are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes through a tunnel, it's completely dark,
and suddenly there's a slap. The train comes out of the tunnel and the Dutchman is rubbing his face.
The nun's thinking: "The Dutch guy probably touched the blon...

I have this question every time driving on the highway

Why do people put a mountain on every tunnel?
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Death must be really boring for subway drivers.

A light at the end of the tunnel is just a regular workday.
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Four people were riding in a compartment on a train in Crimea..

... an old old lady, a beautiful young woman, a Ukrainian man, and a Russian soldier. The train enters a tunnel and it's suddenly pitch dark. Nobody can see a thing. There is a sound of a kiss, a sound of a slap, and when the train exits the tunnel, the Russian soldier is nursing a painful red slap ...
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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

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An Italian, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are hired to dig a tunnel

The foreman assigns the tasks before they begin to work.

"Alright Gino here will dig the tunnel, Henri will reinforce it with wood and Wang will be in charge of the supplies."

And so the Italian, the Frenchman and the Chinese man set off to work.

The following afternoon, the for...

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...
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The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so,

He felt undermined.
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Two drunk guys are standing atop a tall building

While opening another beer, one guy says "It's crazy how windy it is up here!"
The other answers in slurred speach "Yeah, it's because of all the tall buildings here in the city center. This building is actually a special spot. There are such strong crosswinds here that you can actually jump of...

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What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really

Us just being pushed out of a vagina into our next life?

Mike and his co-workers were driving to work when they passed through a tunnel.

Mike started freaking out. Concerned, his co-workers asked, "What's wrong, Mike?"
Mike frantically explained, "I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome!"
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I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
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I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.

My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.
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My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.
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I have a weird mental health issue where I have to get out and pull my car every time I go through a tunnel.

It's car-pull tunnel syndrome.
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My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.

It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.
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Why do Long Islander's have the lowest suicide rate in the US?

Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Due to the current energy crisis

The light on the end of the tunnel has been turned off
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Blonde, Nun, Russian and Pole in Train

Suddenly they enter the tunnel. It is getting dark. A loud sound is heard in the darkness. At the exit, a Russian man can be seen holding his cheek. The nun thinks - the pervert touched the blonde and got slapped. The blonde thinks - the pervert was supposed to touch me, but he made a mistake, touch...
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Papa Mole, Mama Mole, and Baby Mole

There was a papa mole, a mama mole, and a baby mole tunneling through the ground one right after the other. They were digging and digging and digging when all of a sudden, Bam! The papa mole ran into a wall.

The papa mole was a bit shaken up. He stuck his head out and saw it was Waffle House...
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Agatha Christie

Agatha Christie would write one mystery novel after another without pause until her arms ached.

She was diagnosed with Marple tunnel syndrome.
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Four people in a carriage

4 people in the carriage of a train - an Englishman, a pretty young
blonde girl, an ugly old woman and a Frenchman.

It all goes dark when the train goes through a tunnel. In the dark
there's the sound of an almighty slap, and when the train emerges from
the tunnel the Frenchman i...

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
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What's the difference between "Thomas the Tank Engine" and Princess Diana?

Thomas made it through the tunnel
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Train

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride from Dayton, Ohio to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each one a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth ju...
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A young Swedish woman, old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding a train.

A young Swedish woman, an old Dutch woman, an Englishman, and an Irishman are riding on a train.
The train goes through a tunnel, it becomes pitch black in the car, and then a loud SMACK is heard.
The train emerges from the tunnel and the Englishman is rubbing his cheek.
The old Dutch woman...
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An English man, beautiful woman, old woman and a Irishman are on a train

As the four sit in the train booth together the train goes through a tunnel and the booth goes dark for a few seconds

SLAP!!!!

When the train came out of the tunnel the Englishman had been slapped in the face! Everyone was stunned as they sat there wondering what had happened.

T...
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Why do french people look so depressed ?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England



(stolen from twitter, no idea if it's an original)
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