A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel

A REALIST sees a freight train

The TRAIN driver sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette...

..are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the French...

Why are people from New York always depressed.

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is always Jersey.

Two miners got trapped in a dark tunnel after a mine collapse, blocking their way in, and cutting off the power and lights.

One miner remained calm. He knew that there was other exits from the mine, but in the complete darkness, he had no way to navigate. He remained trapped.

The other miner started panicking. It was so dark, he had a wife and kids at home, he didn’t want to die like this. He was hyperventilating....

I went through the Lincoln tunnel today and I gotta say, I’m not ok with the name of where you pay your toll…

…The “John Wilkes booth”?!?!

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

Why do french people look so depressed ?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is England



(stolen from twitter, no idea if it's an original)

A New Yorker Asks for a Cab Ride to Chicago

A man gets in a cab at 33rd St. and Park Ave. and says, "I need to get to the Palmer House."

The cabbie says, "The Palmer House Hotel?"

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "That's on Wabash in Chicago."

The man says, "Yeah."

The cabbie says, "I'm not gonna drive...

I always said that I would never ever go walking dark scary tunnels in the earth.

But eventually I caved.

Why did the chicken start digging a tunnel?

So it didn’t have to risk crossing the road

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Don't follow a fox!

A lion is walking with his lioness in the woods, when suddenly a redfox appears out of no where and starts yelling at the lion calling him all names, the lioness turns to the lion and says : defend yourself! he is baffling your honor! to what the lion calmly responded : he is a little basted, beside...

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A state trooper is sitting at the end of a tunnel and pulls over a motorist for speeding.

“License and registration” the officer says.

“No problem” replies the motorist.

“What are you doing out so late sir?” the officer asks.

“Just had a late night at work” he replies.

“Really? What do you do for work?” the officer says.

“Well...I’m an asshole stretche...

People often see a light at the end of a tunnel in many near-death experiences

They should really get off of the road

If tennis players get tennis elbow, and squash players get squash knees, what do gynecologists get?

Tunnel Vision

Today a tunnel my coworkers were in collapsed trapping the entire work crew inside.

I would report it to the police but it sounds like a miner problem.

A convict finally escaped prison after digging a tunnel in his cell for years

He resurfaces in a kindergarten playground with children playing and no cops in sight. He could barely contain his excitement and screams, "I'm Free! I'M FREE!" A kid next to him looks at him and says, "So what? I'm four"

Two tunnels

Once a tunnel was to be build through a mountain, but the state is running low on budget.


Two brothers from India accepted the challenge and agreed to work this out on the small budget. Curious about their enthusiam, the supervisor asked about any possible plan they are having.

To ...

I fell over at work and hurt my arm

I have a build up of fluid in my carpal tunnels. I’ve been to the Physio and he has given me exercises to do, including holding my hand in a certain position but it doesn’t seam to be helping.

The Wrist Cyst Stance is Futile.

A train goes under a tunnel. Credits to /u/capilot

A soldier, an officer, a young woman, and a matron are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes into a tunnel, and for a moment all is dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The light comes back, and the officer is rubbing his face.

The matron thinks "that awful officer kissed the y...

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prison

He is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.

After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison grounds.

He is overwhelmed with happiness and the thought of finally bein...

The tunnel

An Englishman, a Frenchmen, a young woman, and an old lady, are sitting together on a train when it goes through a tunnel. A loud slap is heard, and then the Frenchman is rubbing his face.

The old lady thinks ‘I bet he tried to touch the young woman, and she slapped him’

The young woma...

The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed

They're calling it "operation meep-meep"

Elon Musk’s tunnel-digging venture just got approved for expansion...

Even more boring than before!

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

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A new bloke starts works on a building site...

He meets his new workmates and they head up to the roof to start work.
One of the workers picks up a pile of bricks and steps off the edge of the building falling 10 stories and landing safely at the bottom.
He takes the elevator back to the top and keeps working.
No one seems to even bat a...

A general, an officer, an old lady, and an attractive young woman all board a train together.

As they ride along they go in a dark tunnel and can't see anything. Suddenly, they hear a quick smooch followed by a loud smack!

The old lady thinks, "that young girl has some fine morals, smacking a man for trying to steal a kiss."

The young woman thinks, "how odd, the general tried t...

Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting

Some may even call it boring

Blackwall Tunnel has been closed and why the speed limit has been reduced:

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the Blackwall Tunnel approach recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death a...

Whenever I'm down, I always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope it's a train this time.

I can't stop getting my friends into a car and driving into tunnels

My doctor says I have carpool tunnel syndrome

I used to work tunneling through cemeteries.

It was dead boring.

I want to like tunnels but

They are just boring

What do you call repetitve and monotonous tunnel digging work?

Boring work.

I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.

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An atheist dies and he sees a tunnel with a light at the end.

When he approaches the light, it transforms into a door labeled 'Hell'


The atheist opens the door and is at a beautiful beach. There are people that bathe in the sun, there's a cocktail bar and the sea is endless, blue and clear.

Among all this is a person with goat legs and horns...

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La Tonga (NSFW)

Once upon a time there were two explorers, John Smith and James errmm..Smith ,doing what they did best....exploring. After 2 weeks of sailing they came to shore on what looked like a deserted island.

Hopping off, they eagerly went on a trek through the beautiful tropical forest before them. ...

Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is....

quite a ground breaking invention.

My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.

I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.

I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.

My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

I hate driving through tunnels [OC]

They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome

A young programmer and his Project Manager board a train, headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats, right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother.

After a while, it's obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they're giving each other looks. Soon, the train passes into a tunnel and it's pitch black. There's a sound of a kiss, followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from t...

Went to a carnival but the Tunnel of Love was broken

They hung up a sign that said Out of Ardor

What's the worst thing of making tunnels?

It's boring

I have a weird mental health issue where I have to get out and pull my car every time I go through a tunnel.

It's car-pull tunnel syndrome.

A pessimist, an optimist and a conductor are in a tunnel

P: "There is nothing but darkness at the end of the tunnel."

o: "I see a beautiful shining light at the end of the tunnel."

C: "Why are there two morons on the tracks?"

Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels.

Because it's boring.

My girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess

So I took her to Paris.

We went to wonderful restaurants and stayed in an expensive hotel.

Then I crashed our car in a tunnel and she died.

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A nun, a hot blonde, a German and a Frenchman are sitting in a train compartment.

They don‘t know each other and are minding their own business. The train drives into a tunnel and it gets so dark in the compartment that you could not see your own hand in front of your eyes.

Suddenly a violently loud slapping noise rips into the silence. When the train leaves the tunnel ev...

What did yoda tell the snowman when he found out he had tunnel vision?

All icy is you!

I legit thought of this joke when i was like 10 and im so proud i remembered it.

I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

I woke up this morning and thought I had tunnel vision.

Luckily it was a false alarm, the wife just fancied a 69.

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the lioness was sitting next to her husband lion

when out of nowhere the hayena came and starts throwing insults at the lion :
"you son of a bitch you motherfucker u are one weak ass king you are so stupid... etc".
the lion doesn't move an inch and keeps his cool but the lioness is so furious :
"are you not gonna do anything " .
but th...

Why is building a bridge better than building a tunnel?

One is riveting, the other is boring.

A lion and lioness are just sitting in a jungle.

A lion and lioness are just sitting in a jungle.

A dog comes around and starts insulting them. The lioness asks the lion,

"Are you going to just listen or are you going to do anything about this disrespect?"

The lion ignores the lioness. The lioness couldn't take the abuse any m...

I get confused with these Latin phrases.

Is it carpe tunnel or per diem?

What do you call a small tunnel in Mexico?

A bore-itto

The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so,

He felt undermined.

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A woman visits her husband in prison

Before leaving, she tells a correction officer:

"You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!"

The officer laughs, saying:

"Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his own cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he's been digging a tunnel for mont...

Why is it harder for older dwarves to make rugs?

Carpet tunnel syndrome

Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail?

It was a runaway success.

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Still finishing his screening paperwork, a man is called back for his doctor appointment...

The doctor walks into the room, and notices that the patient is struggling to grasp the pen as he fills out his paperwork.


Doctor: I see here that your appointment is due to hearing loss, though I can't help but notice you've got a little carpal tunnel. Have you had that looked at?
...

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What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really

Us just being pushed out of a vagina into our next life?

Tomb Raider gave me carpal tunnel syndrome.

...and that was just the box art.

I've been operating the same tunnel-digging machine for years...

...it was boring when I started, and it's still boring now.

Bob takes Jenny to the fair for their blind date ...

Bob asks Jenny what she wants to do first. Jenny says excitedly, “I want to get weighed!” Bob says okay, and they go to the Guess Your Weight tent and Jenny wins a stuffed bear.

Bob asks what she wants to do next, Jenny says, hesitantly, “I ... I want to get weighed ...” Bob thinks this stran...

Just hurt my wrists digging a hole between two koi ponds.

I think it's carpal tunnel.

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An Italian, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are hired to dig a tunnel

The foreman assigns the tasks before they begin to work.

"Alright Gino here will dig the tunnel, Henri will reinforce it with wood and Wang will be in charge of the supplies."

And so the Italian, the Frenchman and the Chinese man set off to work.

The following afternoon, the for...

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If it wasn't for Carpal Tunnel

I wouldn't know when to stop masturbating.

Mike and his co-workers were driving to work when they passed through a tunnel.

Mike started freaking out. Concerned, his co-workers asked, "What's wrong, Mike?"
Mike frantically explained, "I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome!"

My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.

It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.

Two guys are stuck in prison.

Desperate to get back out and perhaps lead semi-regular lives, the two cellmates try to brainstorm for an escape plan. A mere hour and a half later, one of the men comes up with a plan: steal some children's craft scissors, smuggle them back to the cell, cut through the floor, and cut out a tunnel b...

Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train compartment, drinking and being loud together. At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful woman get on and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the priest looks at the three with distain and says, "Have ya any decency between ya? You three look like a right pair of fools, but I'll give 50 quid to any of you that can name the three main characters of the Bible." The Englishman pipes up and says, "The three Kings?...

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

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Four people are in a train compartment in France

There's an attractive young woman, a plain older woman, a French man and an English man.

The train goes into a tunnel and the lights flicker out. In the dark, there’s a loud *slap!* and when the lights come back on, the French man is rubbing his cheek.

The plain woman thinks, "That ...

Tommo was a canary. [long]

Tommo was a canary. Like his father, and his father before him, Tommo worked in the granite mines. Every morning, he would perch upon the shoulder of his favorite miner, and descend down, down into the deep.

Tommo had a lovely wife canary at home named Millet. Millet and Tommo had two sons...

Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside

Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.

My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...

Two idiots want to escape prison

One says "Go to the wall, if it's short enough we'll jump over it. If it's too tall, we'll dig a tunnel."

The other one goes outside to check.

When he returns, he says "Dude, we can't escape."

"What!? Why?"

>!"There's no wall"!<

Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

Here is a war joke for ya all

A passenger train is fully loaded, and a German soldier, on leave, shares a compartment with a decrepit lady, a beautiful young French woman, and a young French man. The train enters a tunnel, and no one can see anything.
A kiss is heard, then a hollow slap. When the train comes out of the tunnel...

As I was driving underground with strangers, my wrist began to hurt

It must be carpool tunnel syndrome

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What’s the best way to answer the phone during sex?

I cant talk now. I’m going into a tunnel.

A guy is sitting next to a beautiful girl on a train

A guy is sitting next to a beautiful girl on a train. During the journey the train goes through a tunnel so the whole train car turns dark. At the end of the tunnel, the girl stands up and starts screaming at the guy: "Get away from me, you pig! I wonder what your mom or your sister would think if t...

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

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