The NYPD is reporting that Antifa has painted convincing-looking tunnels on walls to trick New York's Finest into running into them at high speed

They're calling it "operation meep-meep"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A **realist** sees a freight train.

The **train driver** sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.

After spending a semester of my engineering degree studying the construction of the channel tunnel.

I can reveal it was dug by a huge boring machine.

A convict finally escaped prison after digging a tunnel in his cell for years

He resurfaces in a kindergarten playground with children playing and no cops in sight. He could barely contain his excitement and screams, "I'm Free! I'M FREE!" A kid next to him looks at him and says, "So what? I'm four"

Blackwall Tunnel has been closed and why the speed limit has been reduced:

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the Blackwall Tunnel approach recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

A Prisoner is digging a tunnel out of prison

He is slowly making progress day by day, but with just a spoon for a shovel it seems like an impossible task.

After numerous years of blood and sweat, he finally manages to reach the surface outside of the prison grounds.

He is overwhelmed with happiness and the thought of finally bein...

I used to work tunneling through cemeteries.

It was dead boring.

Why are New Yorkers always so grumpy?

Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

I ride share to work regularly, but if I'm in the backseat when we go through a tunnel I have a massive anxiety attack.

My doctor diagnosed me with Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

A nun, a blonde girl, a German and a Dutch sit together in a train compartment.

The train goes through a tunnel, it gets dark. A loud slap can be heard, an outcry follows it. As the darkness fades a big red mark can be seen on the Dutch guys face.

The Dutch thinks to himself "The German guy must have tried to grope the blonde, but she mistook us in the dark and hit me i...

I can't stop getting my friends into a car and driving into tunnels

My doctor says I have carpool tunnel syndrome

I'm fine driving through tunnels when I'm on my own. But the minute I have multiple passengers and I drive through a tunnel, it hurts to hold the steering wheel.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

What do you call repetitve and monotonous tunnel digging work?

Boring work.

I was going to show you a video about a drill machine digging a tunnel.

But it's too boreing.

I want to like tunnels but

They are just boring

Whenever I'm down, I always look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

I really hope it's a train this time.

Went to a carnival but the Tunnel of Love was broken

They hung up a sign that said Out of Ardor

A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita.

They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the best way to answer the phone during sex?

I cant talk now. I’m going into a tunnel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An atheist dies and he sees a tunnel with a light at the end.

When he approaches the light, it transforms into a door labeled 'Hell'


The atheist opens the door and is at a beautiful beach. There are people that bathe in the sun, there's a cocktail bar and the sea is endless, blue and clear.

Among all this is a person with goat legs and horns...

Two idiots want to escape prison

One says "Go to the wall, if it's short enough we'll jump over it. If it's too tall, we'll dig a tunnel."

The other one goes outside to check.

When he returns, he says "Dude, we can't escape."

"What!? Why?"

...

"There's no wall"

Not everyone may think digging tunnels is exciting

Some may even call it boring

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman visits her husband in prison Before leaving, she tells a correction officer: "You shouldn't make my husband work like that. He's exhausted!" officer laughs, saying: Are you kidding? He just eats and sleeps and stays in his cell!"

"Bullshit! He just told me he is been digging a tunnel for months!"

What's the worst thing of making tunnels?

It's boring

I have a weird mental health issue where I have to get out and pull my car every time I go through a tunnel.

It's car-pull tunnel syndrome.

A lawyer parks his Ferrari.

As he opens the driver's door to get out, a truck comes tunneling through and breaks off the car door.

The lawyer is understandably upset, crying "My Ferrari! My beautiful, expensive Ferrari!"

A man from the sidewalk chimes in, saying "You're so busy with the car's door that you didn't...

A train goes under a tunnel. Credits to /u/capilot

A soldier, an officer, a young woman, and a matron are sitting in a train compartment. The train goes into a tunnel, and for a moment all is dark. A kiss is heard, followed by a slap. The light comes back, and the officer is rubbing his face.

The matron thinks "that awful officer kissed the y...

What did yoda tell the snowman when he found out he had tunnel vision?

All icy is you!

I legit thought of this joke when i was like 10 and im so proud i remembered it.

I hate driving through tunnels [OC]

They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.

I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome

Did you hear about those ISIS tunnels in Afghanistan?

[removed]

A boy and a girl were best friends since they were kids

They used to play with wooden toy pirates after school, using ventilation shafts in each others' houses as their place to get away from their family issues.

They used to play in these tunnels for years, until eventually they grew too old for this. However, they still stayed friends, and afte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What should they say about you when you're dead?

Tom, Dick and Harry where in a terrible car accident. Sadly, they all died. They followed the light through the tunnel and arrived at the pearly gates. Before they could enter Heaven they had to attend an introduction ceremony. After about 15 minutes they where presented with a question; What would ...

Why is building a bridge better than building a tunnel?

One is riveting, the other is boring.

Even if I end up being a civil engineer I won't build tunnels.

Because it's boring.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The husband really hates the cat so he decides to get rid of her

He grabs the cat, drives 5 blocks down the road and throws the cat out of the window of his car. Then he turns the car and drives home. 20 mins later the cat is back!

"Well, that wasn't far enough" thinks the man, grabs again the cat and drives 5 miles down the highway and then throws the cat...

I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

I woke up this morning and thought I had tunnel vision.

Luckily it was a false alarm, the wife just fancied a 69.

Elon Musk's new tunnel boring machine is....

quite a ground breaking invention.

My wrists hurt whenever I drive to work with my co-workers and we go through a tunnel.

I think it's carpool tunnel syndrome.

A prisoner spends years digging a tunnel out of jail ...

He comes up inside a preschool yard. He starts jumping up and down and screaming "I'm free!! I'm free!!"

A little kid tugs on his pants. The prisoner looks down and the kid says nonchalantly: "So what? I'm four."

The Duke ordered his subjects not to dig tunnels beneath his land but the King gave them permission to do so,

He felt undermined.

Prince Andrew

I'm so sad, I've just heard the news:
’Prince Andrew’s fatal car crash accident in Paris tunnel’...

Next month.

Did you hear about the tunnel the escaped prisoners dug under the jail?

It was a runaway success.

The only good thing about developing carpal tunnel...

Now when I jack it, it really does feel like someone else’s hand.

What do you get if you cross the Queen and Prince Philip?

Murdered in a tunnel in Paris.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the middle of a sexual act an old lady tells her husband:

–You are like a cell phone!

The proud Old Man says:
\- Do I vibrate a lot?

\-No, when you enter the tunnel you drop the signal ...

Mike and his co-workers were driving to work when they passed through a tunnel.

Mike started freaking out. Concerned, his co-workers asked, "What's wrong, Mike?"
Mike frantically explained, "I have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome!"

A loyal employee, Skip, was bragging that he knew almost anyone in the world personally

Naturally, his boss took him up on the offer. He took him to a Chicago Bulls game, and walking into the tunnel, Michael Jordan recognized him and said "what's up Skip?". His boss naturally was impressed. So he took it a step further and went to the White House. President Bush immediately recognized ...

I took the HOV lane underground, when suddenly my hands started cramping on the steering wheel.

Must be my carpool tunnel syndrome.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if the light we see at the end of the tunnel when we die is really

Us just being pushed out of a vagina into our next life?

I feel bad for highways that have to go through mountains

Many of them suffer from carpool tunnel syndrome.

I've been operating the same tunnel-digging machine for years...

...it was boring when I started, and it's still boring now.

A newly born sperm was receiving instructions in conception from the instructor.

"As soon as you hear the siren, run for the tunnel and swim in a straight line until you get to the entrance of a damp cavern. At the end of the cavern you will find a red, sticky ball which is the egg. Address it and say, 'I'm a Sperm.' She will answer, 'I'm an Egg.' From that moment on you will wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Chinese man are hired to dig a tunnel

The foreman assigns the tasks before they begin to work.

"Alright Gino here will dig the tunnel, Henri will reinforce it with wood and Wang will be in charge of the supplies."

And so the Italian, the Frenchman and the Chinese man set off to work.

The following afternoon, the for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A seer was recruited to help a party of heroes break into a ruined dungeon

The other heroes knew that his knowledge of the arcane would help them to understand and predict the nefarious traps that were sure to beset them within the darkened tunnels.



The dungeon's architect had laid it out as a chess board, and the party moved one by one along the squares. Th...

I’m deathly afraid of sharing a car with someone while driving through underground passages.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

A man goes to the doctor.

Man: "Doctor, I have this problem."

Doctor: "What is the issue?"

Man: "Everytime I'm driving with my friends, we go through this tunnel, and I just can't control myself. I freak right out."

Doctor: "Sounds like you have Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."

My dad got carpal tunnel syndrome from being on a keyboard in an office all day.

It got so bad his boss made him get rid of the piano.

A man dies and finds himself in an elevator

He did expect a light at the end of the tunnel and all that, but he decides to see where things are going. Pretty soon, the destination of his elevator-ride is showing up on the display: "Hell"

"Well", the man thinks, "I've had a good life. Fair's fair I guess."

The elevator opens an...

A blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy in the train...

Four people are sitting in the passenger car of a train. A hot blonde, a nun, a brit and a french guy. The train goes into a tunnel, there's total darkness for a brief moment, and all you can hear is a loud slap. As the train is leaving the tunnel, sunlight lights the scene up, and a confused french...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If it wasn't for Carpal Tunnel

I wouldn't know when to stop masturbating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nothing gives me more anxiety than riding shotgun through a mountain underpass.

Think I've got Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

How do you fit an elephant in the fridge in three simple steps?

* How do you fit an entire elephant in the refrigerator in three simple steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you stick the elephant in, and you close the door



* How do you fit a giraffe in the refrigerator in four easy steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you take the elep...

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, th...

a lady visits her husband in a prison

A lady visits her husband in a prison. After talking to him she talks to a prison administrator:
"Shouldn't my husband be treated better? All this hard work he has to do!"
"What hard work?" asks the administrator "he's a librarian here."
"Well," replies the lady, "he was telling me so...

Old one but, your royal highness:

What do you get if you cross Prince Charles and the Queen?



Killed in a tunnel

A guy is sitting next to a beautiful girl on a train

A guy is sitting next to a beautiful girl on a train. During the journey the train goes through a tunnel so the whole train car turns dark. At the end of the tunnel, the girl stands up and starts screaming at the guy: "Get away from me, you pig! I wonder what your mom or your sister would think if t...

How did the fish get from one lake to the next?

They took the carpal tunnel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] I really wish my friend would quit his job.

Every time I ask him about work, he gets annoyed and tells me it’s boring. Literally every time. He’s been fine except when I ask him about work. I wish he’d just quit, because he used to be so much fun before he started his new job a few months ago. We haven’t spoken in a week because he flew off t...

Why I won't carpool.

I thought about carpooling with some co-workers to work, but the problem is that on the way to the office we have to go through a tunnel. I'm deathly afraid of this situation. Turns out I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

I’ve been driving for Uber/Lyft full time for a few months now and my wrists are starting to hurt from turning the steering wheel so much.

I think I’m getting Car Pool Tunnel

The Purple Gorilla.

Once upon a time there was a man driving down an old road at night when his car broke down on the side of the road. He saw a small house not to far away. He decided to see if the house had anyone willing to help him out. The man knocked on the door and almost instantly an old lady swung open the doo...

Why do Long Islander's have the lowest suicide rate in the US?

Jersey is the light at the end of the tunnel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Alaskan Miner

Desperate for work, Paul decides to accept a job offer mining deep in Alaska. After a long journey he arrives at the mining camp, 200 miles from civilization. The camp is small, with only a handful of miners.

He promptly meets up with the manager, and asks what his duties are.

"Firstly...

I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

A German, an Austrian, a nun and a young attractive woman on a train

A German, an Austrian, a nun and a attractive woman sit on a train. The lights in their car are broken so in every tunnel it gets really dark.

The train drives through a tunnel, it gets dark and suddenly you hear a slap and someone cries out in pain. When it gets bright again its obvious that...

A Scotsman, Englishman, and Beyonce are on a train

The train had just left a tunnel, the Scotsman and Beyonce were acting as nothing happened, while the Englishman nurses a sore face.

The Englishman is thinking " The Scotsman must have kissed Beyonce and she slapped him, but missed and got me instead"

Beyonce is thinking " The Englishm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

VA Governor Northam has not made a public appearance since Saturday

This is partly thanks to a tunnel system that connects his residence to his office. It is predicted that when he does resurface & sees his shadow, we are guaranteed 6 more weeks of scandals.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.