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Holey Jokes

Why can’t vampires eat Swiss cheese?

Because it’s holey

My 8 year old just told me this one…

Holey metal bowl, batman

For the last time, Robin, it's called a colander

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an animal with no mouth or butthole or anything?...

...an unholey creature

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what does a nun's asshole look like?

Holey.

What happened to the nun after she was shot?

She was pronounced holey.

What happened when Pope John Paul II got shot?

He became ‘His Holeyness’
(No offence to Catholics/Pope/God)

Why does the Pope wear Crocs?

Because they're holey

There's a lot of crossover between the Bible and Spongebob

Both are quite holey

Someone renovated the church with wire mesh floors.

Well, I guess it *is* holey ground....

My favorite holiday song is the one about the medieval warriors. One of them doesn't talk and the other's armor is falling apart.

Silent Knight, Holey Knight.

Only after Jesus was nailed to a cross

He became truly holey.

So I figured out why so many religions don't allow women to have multiple partners.

It's because they're holey

Everyone knows the story of "doubting Thomas" and his reaction to the death and resurrection of Christ

He was famously known for insisting on seeing the wounds for himself, and while most think it was because he didn't believe the stories he was hearing, I know it was because he wanted to confirm that Jesus was indeed a holey man.

Why do we use buckets at Halloween and baskets for Easter?

Because baskets are more holey

Why did the pope want a swiss guard?

He heard how holey their cheese was

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

What is Spongebob's favorite song?

Holey Diver

Why did Jesus use his hands to bless people?

Because his hands were holey...

What's the opposite of a devil's threesome?

A holey trinity.

[ORIGINAL] What's a priest's favorite cheese?

Swiss. It's holey.

A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest...

"Excuse me, Father," the donut says, "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."

The priest - after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry - offers a warm smile in response. "That...

A Dutch man goes to a cobbler

Wanting his wooden clogs fixed.

“What’s wrong with them?” asks the shop owner.

“Well you see,” says the Dutchman, “these are my work boots. They’re getting worn out and have some holes in them. Could you fix them up?”

The owner had never fixed wooden shoes, but he figured it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fancy Restaurant

A hillbilly finds himself in an unfamiliar part of town and he's hungry. He pulls his rust bucket into the parking lot of a restaurant and approaches the front door with his sleeveless tee-shirt, holey ripped jeans, shaggy beard, do-rag, and tattoos but he's stopped by the Maitre'D before he can en...

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