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Porcupine Jokes

What’s a porcupine’s favorite game to play?

Poker

I took my kid to the pet store, and he wanted to get a porcupine who had lost all its quills.

I said, “That seems pointless.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike...

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

BMW have pricks on the inside.

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the...

What sound do porcupines make when they kiss??

"Ouch!"

I hate porcupines

They’re just a bunch of pricks.

What tree does bacon grow on?

Porcupine

What do you call a bald porcupine?

Pointless.

Why did the Porcupine cross the road?

It has to get the point across.

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

Why did the porcupine stab the petshop owner

He rubbed him the wrong way

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do porcupines have sex?

Very carefully.

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine?

An animal that knits its own sweaters.

What's the difference between a Tesla and a porcupine?

The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

[If you own a Tesla, please substitute "Range Rover" or whatever other brand makes you feel better.]

What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle?

A slow poke.

What is it called when a porcupine is hit by a car?

Roadquill

What did the suicidal porcupine do?

It quilled itself

What's the difference between a quilled mammal and your "practice tree?"

One's a porcupine, the other's a pine you pork.

Courtesy of my five year old son... What do you get when a turtle and porcupine have a baby?

A slow poke!

My all time favorite lawyer joke.

Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW full of lawyers?

A: The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nervous hedgehog and a and a daring porcupine were each doin a handstand on a dice..

And the two dice were on each end of a razor sharp long sword see-sawing on the poison tip of an upright spear attached to a table made of matches poised over pools of explosives on one side and sharks on the other.

Porcupine: “hey buddy remind me what game we’re playing again?”
Hedgehog: ...

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine?

"Sir" from a distance.

What do you call a porcupine with an acetylene torch?

Spiny the welder.

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