What’s a porcupine’s favorite game to play?

Poker

What’s the difference between a Porcupine and a BMW?

The pricks are on the outside of the porcupine.

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How do porcupines have sex?

Very carefully.

What do you get when you cross a turtle and a porcupine?

A Slow-poke!

What sounds do porcupines make when they kiss?

"Ouch!"

Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines?

They're painful to look at.

What is it called when a porcupine is hit by a car?

Roadquill

What do you call a porcupine that wants to be a guardian of the galaxy

Peter QUILL

What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?

A porcupine has its pricks on the outside...

I remembered this joke after a Prick in a BMW was driving today in a strip mall like killing pedestrians is a tax write off.

I guess this prick didn’t want to get stuck in traffic...

I took my kid to the pet store, and he wanted to get a porcupine who had lost all its quills.

I said, “That seems pointless.”

What did the suicidal porcupine do?

It quilled itself

What do you call a porcupine riding a turtle?

A slow poke.

Why did the porcupine stab the petshop owner

He rubbed him the wrong way

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine?

An animal that knits its own sweaters.

Courtesy of my five year old son... What do you get when a turtle and porcupine have a baby?

A slow poke!

What do you call a porcupine with an acetylene torch?

Spiny the welder.

What is the difference between Courtney Love and a porcupine?

A porcupines needle won't give you AIDS

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

What do you call a cross between a skunk, a wolverine, and a porcupine?

"Sir" from a distance.

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A teacher does a quiz with her class.

She asks the children:" So guys what walks on four legs and hurts to touch?" So one kid goes:" A hedgehog" the teacher responds:" I was thinking of a porcupine, but I like the way that you think, next question, what has wheels and takes me to school?" The same kid answers:" Your car". "It is my bike...

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When do porcupines fuck each other?

When they are thorny.

What's the difference between a quilled mammal and your "practice tree?"

One's a porcupine, the other's a pine you pork.

What do you call a tree that got hit by a cop car?

A porcupine

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.

You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the...

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Orgy at the Zoo

(row row row your boat tune)
Fuck fuck fuck a duck. Screw a kangaroo. Sixty nine a porcupine. Orgy at the zoo.

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Funny and offensive

What's the best form of birth control after 50? Nudity

What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes.

Why is it so hard to find men who are caring, kind, and good looking? Because those men alre...

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