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Hearing Aid Jokes

“What do we want!?” “Hearing aids!”

“When do we want them!?”
“Hearing aids!”

A week ago I sent my hearing aid to be repaired...

I haven't heard anything since.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing aid?

**WHAT?!?!**

Hearing aid

Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.

A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks...

How do hearing aid batteries compare to other batteries?

They produce a lower number of whats.

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I found a hearing aid outside my garden gate.

When I saw my neighbour I asked, "Excuse me sir, is this yours?"

The ignorant bastard just ignored me.

My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid……..

My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid ..

“State of the art” he said

“ it cost me an absolute fortune “”

“That’s brilliant dad , what type is it “???

“It’s 2:30 “he replied

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."

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Hearing Aid Missing

An old man was sitting on the examining table in the doctor’s office having his hearing checked. The doctor poked his light scope in the old man’s ear and said, “Hey, you have a suppository in your ear!”

“Crap!,” said the old man. “Now I know where my hearing aid went.”

my grandma talking to my dad about her new hearing aid

"it's the most expensive one u can buy, it cost me $4,000.”

my dad: "what kind is it?"

my grandma: "it's 4:15pm"

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My friend sells hearing aids over the phone (he really does) my favorite joke is:

"Hello, can you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Shit"

Click

When a cougar gets so old she needs a hearing aid...

... she becomes a Def Leppard

I got hearing aids last week

I shouldn't have used that q-tip I found on the men's room floor.

My new hearing aids are so good, they're restored my hearing fully

- That's awesome, how long have you had them?
- About 200$

An old couple was sitting in Church...

...and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, “I’ve just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?”

He said, “I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid.”

"Waiter, why do I have a hearing aid in my soup?"

“Excuse me, what?”

Hearing Aid

My neighbor just told me, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty"

What do you call an old man with his hearing aids turned off?

Anything you want, he can't hear you.

New hearing aid

I FINALLY GOT MY NEW HEARING AID.
IT'S GREAT.
I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING.

That's good. What did you pay for it?

QUARTER PASSED FIVE!

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my boyfriend has hearing aids.

i asked him, “how did you get hearing aids?” he replied, “phone sex, darling.”

I've decided to start a buisness selling hearing aids to pirates

I'm going to charge a buccaneer

A group of deaf people get together to protest

The group begins chanting

“What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!”

When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!

Hearing aid

An older woman is talking to her neighbor one day about her brand new hearing aid. "It may have cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art, everything sounds great, and so far, I love it!"

Her neighbor asks, "What kind is it?"

She replies, "It's about 12:30. You wanna g...

New hearing aide

A friend of mine got new a hearing aid and he was ecstatic over how much better he could hear.

"It's like night and day", he said. "I can't believe all the sounds I was missing"

I asked, "What kind is it?"

He answered "about a quarter to four"

My grandfather was telling me about his new top-of-the-line hearing aid.

"Yeah, it's the most expensive model they had! It cost me almost $6000!"

"What kind is it?"

"About a quarter past 6."

The deaf wife problem.

Fred feared his wife Rhonda wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid.

Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem.

The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give t...

During Mass, an elderly woman said into her husband's ear:

"I've just had a quiet fart, act like it's nothing..."

Her husband replied: "I'm not going to do anything now, but in the end we're going to buy new batteries for your hearing aid."

I keep trying to convince my grandmother to get a hearing aid...

But she just won't listen

Hearing Aid.

An elderly gent was showing off his new hearing aid to a friend.
"This is the finest hearing aid on the market today" he bragged "I paid over £500 for it".
His friend asked "What Kind is it?"
He replied "Half past five".

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Charlie: "I just bought the most expensive, high-tech hearing aids available."

Eddie: "No shit! What kind is it?"
Charlie: "Quarter after nine."

Old guy to friend: "I just bought the most expensive hearing aid in the world. Works great!"

Friend: "Cool! What kind is it?"

Old guy: "Quarter to ten."

A grandma is bragging to her daughter about new hearing aid that cost her $2000

The daughter asks "What kind is it?"

"It's 5:45 dear"

My dad told me he just got one of the best hearing aids money can buy.

So I asked him "what kind is it?"

He said "about 4:30".

Grandpa showed up at the house with a suppository in his ear.

So we asked him why he had a suppository in his ear.

He said "Ah! So that's where my hearing aid went!"

Then he put it in and said "You won't believe this new hearing aid, it only cost me $50!"

I said what kind is it?

He said "3:30"

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm so glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hear...

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An elderly man suspects that his wife may be losing her hearing

He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it.

Man: Doc, I think my wife may be losing her hearing. Is there anything I can do for her?

Docto...

An old married couple is in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turns back to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

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Hearing Problems

Grandpa goes to the doctor complaining of hearing problems. The doctor looks in his ear, grabs his forceps and pulls out a suppository. A light goes on in Grandpa's mind. He picks up his cell phone and calls his wife. "Ethel? I think I know what happened to my hearing aid."

Paul: I got these really nice hearing aids. It was an amazing deal!

Bill: Oh yeah? What kind is it?

Paul: It is half past 9.

Friend 1: hey buddy, I see you got a new hearing aid. What kind is it?

Friend 2: five o’clock

An old guy tells his friend, "Hey Lou. I just bought a new brand of hearing aids. $15,000! But they're worth it!" Lou's impressed and asks, "What kind is it?"

The old guy says, "A quarter past three."

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I fucked a girl in her ear

I should get tested because she now has hearing aids

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I used to know a guy that had phone sex a lot…

Now he’s got hearing aids.

Which STD is transmitted through sound?

Hearing aids

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Two old men are walking in the garden of their retirement home...

All the sudden, some old woman jumps out of the bushes right in front of them, swings her bathrobe wide open and exposing her naked body beneath shouts "SUPERPUSSY!!!"

One man turns to the other, taps his hearing aid and says loudly:
"WHAT DID SHE SAY, LARRY?"

"She said SUPERPUSSY, ...

Text abbreviations for seniors.

• ATD: At The Doctor's

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

• BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

• CGU: Can't Get Up

• FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

• GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low!

• GHA: Got Heartburn Again

IMHAO: Is My Hearing Aid On?

• LMDO: Laughing My ...

Two elderly women, Mabel and June, meet at a cafe for a cup of coffee and some cake

After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”

“What?” replied June

“It looks like you’ve got a suppository in your ear!” Mabel said a little louder.

“Oh.” Checks June, “You’re right... Well, at least I know where my hearing aid is no...

A man realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but didn't want to spend a lot of money.

“How much do they cost?" he asked the salesman.

"They range from $2 to $2,000."

"Can I see the $2 model?" said the customer.

The salesman put a large device around the
man's neck, and said: "You just stick this red tube in your ear and run this cable down into your pocket." ...

I told my doctor I have hearing aids...

... but he insists it's just an ear infection...

A woman went to her doctor

She complained of hearing loss and digestive issues.

After a cursory examination, the doctor found something very unusual.

"Ma'am, you're NOT going deaf in your left ear. You, uh... appear to have a suppository stuck in there."

The woman paused for a moment and then yelled "Wel...

A little old man starts having trouble hearing and goes to the doctor

“Doc, I'm having problems hearing!"

The doc says "Let's check you out.”

As he looks into the man's ear with his otoscope he says "It looks like there is some sort of foreign object in here.”

The doc takes his tweezers and pulls it out.

“It's a suppository,” the doc expl...

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[NSFW] Did you hear about the guy who hired a.....

...... male prostitute to fuck him in the ear?

He got hearing AIDS

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Guy and his wife go on a cruise....

As the ship leaves port she realizes she's left her hearing aid at home. The husband assures her everything will be alright. after dinner they retire to their cabin. the husband ask her which berth she wants, up, or down? she gets in the lower berth and signals him to join her where she proceeds to...

One Sunday morning, an old lady headed to church late..

... because she couldn’t find her hearing aid.
As she was late and did not want to be noticed, she sat in the back, next to a teenager.

The pastor began his preach. To have an example for what he was preaching, he asked, “Everyone who has committed the sin of adultery, stand up.” The old ...

Made in China

Two old guys sitting in a park, says the one:
"Look, i got a new hearing aid, very cheap becaus it's made in China"

The other says:
"Amazing, how much did you pay?"

"Yesterday...",

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Why do doctors recommend avoiding sexual contact with the ears

Hearing Aids

I didn't go to college, I went to the 'School of Hard Knocks'.

Because I wanted to get a job as a door-to-door hearing aid salesman.

What's that behind your ear?

It's a hearing aid!

"What?"

You probably need glasses.

- What?
- I SAID, YOU PROBABLY NEED GLASSES!
- Ohh... Yeah.
- Also a hearing aid.
- What?

Just overheard this in a local McDonald's

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An elderly man goes to the Doctors...

He's having problems hearing and he wants to know if his hearing aid is broken. The Doctor takes a look and recoils in shock. He then proceeds to pull a tampon out of the man's ear. "This is why you can't hear. There's a tampon in your ear not a hearing aid. The man then asks if he can use the Docto...

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little long, but might be worth it

There once was a lady who was hearing impaired, A man had asked her to go canoeing on the river. As they were on the river they get to the fork and the man says " do you wanna go up or down " ? She exclaims !!! "OH My" pulls down her pants and they proceed to get it on. The next day he again asks if...

My old doctor said he could tell if someone was infected with HIV with just a stethoscope...

Because they’re useful hearing AIDS

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

More of a story than a joke, but it's worth it.

Tony, a friend and mentor of mine (a dad figure) used to start talking about his fantastic new hearing aid, telling anyone who would listen about how everything sounded so clear to him now that he had this new device. He would say, "It's a new kind; it's NOT a MiracleEar." Of course once he told the...

A man sees his doctor for his fart problems.

“I’ve been farting a lot lately, doc,” says the man. “I’ve actually farted ten times since I’ve been in here. But they don’t make any noise and they don’t smell. Can you help me?”

The doctor says, “I think I see the problem. I’m going to prescribe you some medicine that should help you. Take ...

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