UPJOKE
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Doctor to a Man after ultrasound

Dr: Tt looks like you are pregnant.

Man: WTH, But I'm a man.

Dr. I said it looks like. :)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Damn girl, are you an ultrasound technician?

Because I'd like to know what sex we're having.

Three pregnant women are chatting in a cafe.

Heather says, "I got my ultrasound done yesterday. I'm pregnant with triplets!"

"I got mine done yesterday too," says Linda. "I'm pregnant with septuplets!"

"I think I'll get my ultrasound done next week," says Martha.

The three women chat some more. Finally, Heather says, "I go...
AI Image Generator

There was a young pregnant woman...

...and her dream was for her baby to grow up with perfect manners.

So everyday, she would gently rub her belly whilst repeating the line, "Be polite. Be polite."

But a strange thing happened.

After 9 months, the baby showed no signs of coming out.

After a year the woma...

Jake walks in on his sister and best friend...

"Woah?" Said the brother, What's going on here?"

"Wait calm down, Micheal and I can explain..." Stated the sister.

"No, it's all good. he and I are equal now." Said Jake.

They pause for a moment.

"I don't have a sister..." Said Micheal confused.

"It could be a boy....

Who’s the nicest guy the the hospital?

The ultrasound guy

Yo mamma so fat when she's pregnant she doesn't need an ultrasound

She needs a seismograph

[ultrasound]

Wife: "How does he look?"

Doctor: "This is honestly the biggest baby I've ever seen."

Husband: "So we're finally talking about the elephant in the womb."

Doctor:

Wife: "I keep a divorce lawyer on retainer."

A hypochondriac goes to his doctor

Hypochondriac: Doctor, I have no idea what’s wrong with me but I’m in pain everywhere on my body. My stomach hurts. My bones and joints hurt. I’m always nauseous. I always have a splitting headache. I’ve come to you for years and you keep telling me there’s nothing wrong but I FEEL like there is som...

An engineer accidentally gave a medical school exam. See his answers:

1. Antibody - One who hates his body .

2. Artery - Study of Fine Paintings or military, not sure.

3. Bacteria - Back door of a Cafeteria .

4. Coma - Punctuation Mark .

5. Gall Bladder - Bladder of a Girl .

6. Genes - Blue Denim.

7. Labour Pain - Hurt at Work...

A pregnant woman goes to a doctor for an ultrasound.

\-How is the baby, doctor?

\-Well, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that your child will always have a parking spot.

Who do the doctors send to deliver unfortunate news to the patients family?

The ultrasound guy

Who takes over when the Ultrasound man is on leave?

The Hip Replacement Guy.

Why do doctors have good hearing?

Because they have ultrasound

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a Woman was pregnant with triplets...

A woman pregnant with triplets walked into a bank, and then a robber pulled out a gun, and started to shoot the people inside to control the crowd. the woman got hit 3 times and she was moved to the hospital really quickly after the event had been cleared.

The ultrasound check confirmed that...

Don’t argue with the logic of a sonogram technician

It’s ultrasound

Tried To Compromise

I recently broke up with my girlfriend. We just didn't have anything in common. But when that happens, you have to try to compromise. I tried to compromise with her. I remember one time I was like, 'Look, if you go with me to my "Lord of the Rings" fan fiction meet up group, I'll go with you to this...

Joke in real life

DISCLAIMER: THIS JOKE SUCKS BUT IT HAPPENED TO ME EARLIER TODAY

I'm currently in hospital being treated for a pulmonary embolism and the doctor ordered a echocardiogram for me.

When I was getting my heart looked at, it was the only place I've been in hospital playing music. Really coo...

What do you call a baby metal band?

Ultrasound

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pregnant woman during a bank robery

[translated from dutch, sorry if anything is translated wrong]
A pregnant woman goes to a bank to collect the money for the ultrasound she is gonna have soon, when all of the sudden the bank gets robbed. 3 armed guys run into the bank shouting everyone to get down. The woman, being pregnant, can...

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