Hang On Jokes - 25 Hilarious Hang On Jokes

What kind of wreaths do fish hang on their doors?

Coral wreaths

A man and woman are going at it, when they hear a car out front.

The woman quickly says

"Hurry, out the window, it's my husband."

Frightened, the man grabs his jocks and starts trying to get them on whilst climbing out the window.

Suddenly, he turns around and states

"Hang on, I'm your husband. Why would you do that to me?"

To w...

I feel bad for plumbers who install those fancy water heaters that hang on the wall.

It’s a tankless job.

What's green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?

Forgive me if this is a repost, but this is an old Jewish joke that my father loved to tell and I don't think I've seen it here before

So two old Jewish men are sitting shooting the breeze, and one says he has a riddle for the other.

"What's green, hangs on the wall, and whistles?"
...

Wife: Now that we've been married 20 years, how old do you think I look, honestly?

Husband: From your skin I'd say 28, from your hair 25, from your figure 29.

Wife: Oh, what a lovely thing to say.

Husband: Hang on, I haven't finished adding it up yet.

Why does Isabelle hang on the neck of a cow?

Because she Isabelle

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just came back from holiday in Thailand....

.......and I was so close to shagging a lady boy!!

Looked like a lady, talked like a lady, kissed like a lady........ It was only when she drove me to her place and reversed the car into the garage in one try I thought to myself, "Hang on a fucking moment..."

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French fighter pilot.

A woman is working in the bar she owns when in walks a very handsome man. They get chatting and it turns out he is a frenchman named Piere. They get on very well. He tells her about his daring adventures as an ace fighter pilot. She is getting more and more turned on by him and, when she can stand i...

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor…

Forty years ago, I got a phone call from a solicitor asking to speak to my husband.

I told him my husband wasn't home at the moment.

He called several more times, and again, my husband wasn't home.

Getting tired of his phone calls, I finally said to him to hang on a minute. ...

Jehovah is showing Ra around Heaven one day...

... when a man runs up to them, crosses himself, then spreads his arms and closes his eyes.

"Excuse me," Jehovah says to Ra, "this will only take a second." He waves his hands, there's a flash of light, and a purring kitten goes scampering away from where the man had been.

"Other than ...

When his brothel went out of business, what sign did the owner hang on the door?

Beat it, We're closed.

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Old man Sitting on his front porch. (Long)

One afternoon he see a kid ride past on his bike with a roll of chicken wire. The old guy asks: "Where are you heading with that chicken wire son?"

"I'm gonna catch me some chickens down at the park".

"You don't catch chickens with chicken wire"

The old feller shakes his head ...

A wife is yelling at her husband

"Get out of the house! I hate you, I want a divorce! Get out!"

As he walks out the door she screams: "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

The guy says: "So hang on a minute, now you want me to stay?"

Three engineers are riding in a car.

One is a mechanical engineer, one is an electrical engineer, and one is a computer engineer.

The car breaks down and coasts to the side of the road.

"Hang on," says the mechanical engineer. "The problem is probably the engine, let me have a look at it and I'll have us on the road agai...

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Oops...

An American businessman is in Thailand. He goes to a bar and meets a beautiful woman. She looks like a lady, walks like a lady, and kisses like a lady.

After a few drinks the lady suggests they go back to her place, and the businessman readily agrees. They drive to her place, she perfectly re...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall...

I was sitting in a bathroom stall "doing my business", when suddenly the guy in the neighbour stall started: **"Hey man, how are you doing?"**.

A little confused I replied: **"Ehm good, I guess."**

To my surprise the guy continued with: **"What ya doin'?"**

<...

Mountain Climbing Joke

A politician, 3 doctors, and 3 engineers decided to climb Mt. Everest.
They arrive there and started the long way up the tallest climb on Earth.
It's a grueling climb and they have to stop many times to rest and pull each other up.
Half way into the climb, the rope starts to break. <...

I heard a joke today. It goes: what do you call something that makes something else? Wait no, what do you call something that lets you go up high? Wait no hang on,

I meant the former, not the ladder.

My buddy went to get a tattoo of an Indian on his back...

Half way through he said "Don't forget to put a big tomahawk in his hand."

The tattooist said "Hang on pal, I've only just finished his turban."

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A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says, "Hang on! You're a duck."
"Yep," replies the duck.
"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.
"Yep again”, says the duck, "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"
"Certainly, sorry about that”, says the barman as he pulls th...

A council worker is digging holes, while another worker immediately fills them in.

A man is watching two council workers busy in a local park. One digs a hole, moves a couple of meters and digs another hole, and so on. The other worker follows the first, immediately filling in all the holes the first worker has dug.

The man watching is furious, and approaches them saying,...

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A woman walked into a pet store.

After greeting the store owner, she strolled through the aisles, browsing through the various pets they had on sale. A bulldog with a 50% discount sticker plastered on the kennel containing it caught her eye. She beckoned the shop owner over.

"How much do you want for this little guy?" she a...

Two snails where on the back of a turtle. One snail turns to the other and says -

Hang on Fred here we go!

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A drunk man sitting at a bar starts to dry heave (long)

The bar patrons instinctively moved away from him, and sure enough, he vomits all over the bar and himself. The man immediately starts sobbing loudly.

The bartender approaches slowly to address the mess. He says to the man "Hey, man. Don't worry about it. You're not the first guy to throw up ...

Two nuns are on a motorcar trip through Europe, and end up in Transylvania.

While stopped at a traffic signal, a tiny Dracula jumps up on the hood of their vehicle and hisses through the windshield.

“What should we do?” shrieks one nun as she panics and reaches for her Rosary beads..

“Turn on the wipers! That will get rid of the abomination, Sister,” s...

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