I keep on telling my friends that I think one of them might secretly be an owl

But all they respond with is “Who?”

I keep on forgetting what the Roman numerals are for 1, 1000, 51, 6, & 500 are.

I M LIVID

People keep talking about these "safe spaces". Well, call me old fashioned but I'm going to keep on calling them what they REALLY are...

Banks

I keep on taking kitchen utensils from my parents

My friends say I'll be in prison if I'm caught, but it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

I keep on getting peer pressured into playing the flamingo game

But I'm not going to play anymore. Im putting my foot down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers..

Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire.

What are some good jokes you can keep on standby should you ever find yourself in front of a crowd?

I was out DJing last night, and it was my buddy's birthday. I said a few lame lines and wished him a happy birthday, but it got me thinking that I should have two or three good jokes I can keep on standby that I can use in front of a moderate to large crowd to break the ice a bit.

What are s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redheaded farmer is out in his field minding his own business.

He's tidying up down by the fence next to the road.

A posh limey comes gliding up in his Tesla.

Paddy, that's the Irish farmer, didn't hear the limey roll up so the limey honks his horn, startling Paddy.

"I say," asked the limey "does this road go to the Blarney Stone my good ma...

I always tell my kids to stay in school..,,

But they keep on coming back.

A man wakes up one day and found $10,000 added to his account

He decides not to tell anyone and just keep on with his day as if nothing happened.. after a while he thought maybe he could buy himself some new stuff.

A week later he wakes up.. again.. but found $10,000 taken from his account. He grabs his phone and calls the bank:

"Good morning sir...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Duck Hunter

A hunter is out in the country one day and waiting for ducks to fly by.

After a while he sees a duck, points his gun and shoots it. The duck falls to the ground onto some farmland nearby. The hunter walks over the the farm and sees a farmer holding the dead duck.

"Hey that's my duck!"...

A farmer wins the lottery

A reporter asks him: " What are you going to do with the money?"
He says: "I'm just going to keep on farming until it is all gone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trying to outcheat the quack

### A quack posted a sign on his place which said "Can treat all kinds of illneses for $100. If I can't, I'll pay you $100"

A guy tried his luck and went inside.


Guy: hey doc, my sense of taste is messed up


Quack: Okay. Let me get the medicine from the second shelf a...

The Top 10 Reasons a Gun is better than a woman....

#10. You can trade an old .44 for a new 22

#9. You can keep one Gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's Gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary Gun doesn't mind if you keep another Gun ...

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