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Postpone Jokes

A lawyer walked into the courtroom wearing nothing but his underwear and asked, "Can we please postpone the trial?"

The judge replied, "Of course! How can we start when you've forgotten your lawsuit?"

I wonder if Kevin Spacey's trial will be postponed.

I mean with the SAG strike, he can't act innocent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was reading some life hacks to my wife, one of them was: If you can do something in less than five minutes, don't postpone it.

Without missing a bit she replied: That was a nice try right there, wise ass.

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A young man has sex for the first time

The young man was very nervous about having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time, because he was convinced that his penis would be too small.

Eventually he realized that he could not postpone it forever and he nervously invited her over to his house.

Hesitatingly he started ...

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.

Thirty-second olympics postponed.

I didn’t realise there were that many sports you could do in thirty seconds?

Mike Pence has postponed a scheduled campaign stop in Indiana

In other words he changed his schedule on the fly.

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

The release of the Bond movie has been postponed once again because of COVID.

Hollywood wants to die another day.

We're sorry to announce that April fools has been postponed.

Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020.
Thanks for your cooperation.

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

April Fool’s Day has been POSTPONED.

I’ll tell you the new date tomorrow.

What do you call someone who postpones doing things for a little bit but then does them anyway?

An amateurcrastinator.

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We're sorry, but the "blind people rejoice" meeting has been postponed,

Due to unforeseen circumstances.

I just postponed my 2018 new year resolution to next week

My resolution is no procrastination

Matt Damon's movie "The Great Wall", has had it's release date postponed...

Seems the Mexicans haven't paid for it yet.

Jesus, my local time travel club postponed their meeting again..

Now its last week

Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off"

The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"

The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"

The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business tri...

A rich man is leaving home in the morning when his overnight security guard asks for a word ...

"Boss, I had this dream your private jet had a problem and everyone on board of the flight died," the guard said.
The rich man, who had travel plans for that day decided to postpone it and to have the jet checked.
After a thorough investigation, an issue was found that'd certainly be fatal if ...

A man, at a routine checkup, is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer.

Doctor: I'm sorry. At this stage, the cancer has spread too far for us to stop. Our treatments will only postpone the inevitable.

Patient: Doc, please! Isn't there anything- anything at all- that you can do?

Doctor: Well... there is one thing. I don't know if it'll help, though.
...

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.

His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product

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The rehearsal

There he is a drummer on the third floor of an apartment and at 3 in the morning he starts playing drums. Dum dup dum dup.
The neighbour below him, on the second floor , around 50, wakes up angry, goes upstairs, furiously knocks the door and before he could say anything, the drummer says: "man so...

A gentleman went to the shoe store.

A gentleman went to the shoe store. The shopkeeper first sanitized his feet well. Then washed by rubbing with water. Then cleaned it thoroughly with towel and put on the shoe.
Gentleman liked the shoe, he paid the price and started walking from the shop.
The shopkeeper asked him: "What else ...

post malone has cancelled his tour :(

does that make him postpone malone?

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A man decided to commit suicide.

His life was worsening as days passed, as well as his emotional state. Underpayed job, failed relationship, no friends, and the only thing keeping him from suicide was his dog, who fell extremely ill and vets confirmed that they cant cure it. The man goes to a swamp, and decides to drown himself, as...

Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm

One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.

If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!

It is at Manchester...

I was going to propose to my girlfriend

I was going to propose to my girlfriend, when my roommate joseph walked into the room, tripped and put his head through the glass coffee table. He had glass in his eye.

I didn't really know my roommate. I didn't even know where he was from, but I postponed the proposal, to deal with this medi...

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.

Or


Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.

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Surprising horse

A couple from London, John, Sarah and their 6 year old son Jimmy, win £8 million on the lottery and they decide to fulfill their lifelong dream - to quit the rat race and buy a farm with animals in the countryside.

They eventually find the property of their dreams and make arrangements to bu...

So a man drives a train...

and he is good at his job and loves it, but it does not get paid well. Eventually, him not having money leads him down a dark path of prostitution, drug use and murder. He is caught for his horrible acts and is sentenced to death. On death row they ask him what he want's his last meal to be and he r...

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

Lieutenant Dan has to deliver bad news.

One day, from the office of the General of the Army comes a letter for Lieutenant Dan bearing bad news. Private John's wife had passed away in a horrible car accident.

The General strongly suggested that breaking the news lightly to John would be course of action.
Lieutenant Dan, with hi...

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