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I was reading some life hacks to my wife, one of them was: If you can do something in less than five minutes, don't postpone it.

Without missing a bit she replied: That was a nice try right there, wise ass.

Since a lot of sports are no longer being televised as much, and some matches postponed, I've compensated by watching the birds in my yard compete over worms.

So far Cardinals 6, Blue Jays 3.

We're sorry to announce that April fools has been postponed.

Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020.
Thanks for your cooperation.

Thirty-second olympics postponed.

I didn’t realise there were that many sports you could do in thirty seconds?

Told my daughter basketball season was postponed because of the virus...

She said "they should ban baseball instead". Asked her why and she goes "wasn't this all caused by bats?"

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I was going to go to the psychic fair today but it's been postponed due to

Unforseen circumstances.

April Fool’s Day has been POSTPONED.

I’ll tell you the new date tomorrow.

What do you call someone who postpones doing things for a little bit but then does them anyway?

An amateurcrastinator.

What did the rapper say to his banker?

Can I postpone malone?

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Always get a second opinion.

A guy started getting horrible migraines in his late teens. He went to the doctor who told him he has a rare testicular disorder that was restricting blood flow to his brain, resulting in the blinding headaches. Unfortunately, “the only way to be rid of them is to remove your testicles.”

“Who...

Article on the future of L.A. rapper "Post Malone" was withdrawn from print by local mail service.

Or


Post on post-Post Malone's career and goals was postponed from posting by postal service.

post malone has cancelled his tour :(

does that make him postpone malone?

I was at my favourite singers concert, but it got delayed

Postponed Malone

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Student: Can we postpone the test? It's on my birthday.

Teacher: Well unlike your birthday, this test was planned ahead of time.

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Owing to the TP shortage, I've been using a picher and water to clean my butt...

.... baseball players will do anything for money now that the season is postponed.

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Surprising horse

A couple from London, John, Sarah and their 6 year old son Jimmy, win £8 million on the lottery and they decide to fulfill their lifelong dream - to quit the rat race and buy a farm with animals in the countryside.

They eventually find the property of their dreams and make arrangements to bu...

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We're sorry, but the "blind people rejoice" meeting has been postponed,

Due to unforeseen circumstances.

I proposed to my girlfriend, and my best friend was there.

I'd been dating my girlfriend for two years, and decided that I'd finally pop the question. In order to make it seamless, I asked my best mate Joe to pass me the ring when I gave him a signal; to add to the element of surprise.

I also asked Joe to be my best man. To be honest, I'd known othe...

Matt Damon's movie "The Great Wall", has had it's release date postponed...

Seems the Mexicans haven't paid for it yet.

Jesus, my local time travel club postponed their meeting again..

Now its last week

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A man decided to commit suicide.

His life was worsening as days passed, as well as his emotional state. Underpayed job, failed relationship, no friends, and the only thing keeping him from suicide was his dog, who fell extremely ill and vets confirmed that they cant cure it. The man goes to a swamp, and decides to drown himself, as...

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A young man has sex for the first time

The young man was very nervous about having sex with his girlfriend for the very first time, because he was convinced that his penis would be too small.

Eventually he realized that he could not postpone it forever and he nervously invited her over to his house.

Hesitatingly he started ...

Teacher makes a call to her student to inform: "I'm busy tomorrow, so our class will be off"

The student makes a call to his dad immediately: "I'm off tomorrow lets go to picnic!"

The dad makes a call to his secretary immediately: " I'm busy tomorrow, lets postpone our date to the next day!"

The secretary makes a call to her husband: "Honey, i'm not going out on a business tri...

IKEA founder Ingvar Kamprad dies at 91.

His funeral has been postponed until his family get the screw that wasn't included with his KÖFFIN product

A lawyer walks into a courtroom without a shirt

Lawyer: "Can we please postpone this trial?"

Judge: "Of course, how can we start the trial when you've forgotten your lawsuit!"

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

So a man drives a train...

and he is good at his job and loves it, but it does not get paid well. Eventually, him not having money leads him down a dark path of prostitution, drug use and murder. He is caught for his horrible acts and is sentenced to death. On death row they ask him what he want's his last meal to be and he r...

Lieutenant Dan has to deliver bad news.

One day, from the office of the General of the Army comes a letter for Lieutenant Dan bearing bad news. Private John's wife had passed away in a horrible car accident.

The General strongly suggested that breaking the news lightly to John would be course of action.
Lieutenant Dan, with hi...

The annual Procrastination meeting

Has been postponed...

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