For those people who still carry their selfie stick with them on their travels, I have one thing to say.
I hope you take a long hard look at yourself.
What do you call a stick with autism?
Autistic
What do you call someone who can't stick with a diet ?
A desserter.
Why didn't Bungie stick with Halo?
Because it wasn't their Destiny.
John and his girlfriend Mary decide to become bank-robbers.
Mary does the actual robbing at gunpoint inside the banks while John waits outside as the getaway driver. They are initially successful with a string of heists that make headlines and they become folk-heroes. Until one day their luck runs out and they get caught.
At trial, the judge condemns ...
A woman goes to the doctor
With an massive stomach ache.
"Ok", says the doctor, "please lie down on your back let me examine you". He proceeds to push her stomach with both hands and "BRAAAAB" she lets out a huge fart.
"Could you roll to the side" and she does as requested. The doctor presses down again and in...
Irish fisherman
It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
'Fishing,' replied the old man.
'Poor...
The other day I've mixed my wives lipstick with a glue stick
My model plane fell completely apart!
A doctor goes out and buys the best car on the market, a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light.
An old man on a moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, “What kind of car ya got there, sonny?”
The doctor replies, “A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!”
“That’s a lot of money,” says the old ma...
My new year's resolution is to stay out of shape
Maybe I won't stick with this one either.
A cat walks into a bar...
A cat walks into a bar and sees an empty counter. He saunters up to the bartender and asks for a shot of whiskey.
The bartender looks at the cat and says, "Rough day, huh? Maybe you should try chasing a laser pointer. That always seems to cheer me up."
The cat glances at the bartender ...
Four rabbis are having a debate
Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...
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