How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A hunter goes to a forest, owned by a friendly old man, to try and hunt a bear

The old man warns him: - If you don't succeed on your task, the bear will fuck you in the ass.- He ignores him, goes up to the bear's cave, holds his breath, aims and shoots the bear, missing. The bear goes behind the terrified hunter and fucks him in the ass. The hunter runs away, humiliated, and h...

My toothpaste says it guarantees whiteness within two weeks..

Yet after two weeks I'm still asian

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby?

Go ask your mother

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

I1

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Weight loss center

Fat guy walks into a radical new weight loss center, that guarantees results.

Receptionist: How many pounds do you want to lose today?
Guy: Today?! Yeah, right, let's say 2.
Receptionist: 1st floor please, room 12, you have 3 hours.

He walks in a large empty room, sees a beauti...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

The gyms must remain open

The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press

Jesus saves!

Moses invests!

But only Buddha guarantees returns.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I honestly donโ€™t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

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