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Guarantees Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What sexual position *guarantees* the ugliest baby?

Go ask your mother.

How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

My toothpaste says it guarantees whiteness within two weeks..

Yet after two weeks I'm still asian

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

I1

The gyms must remain open

The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press

Engineer and anti-vaxxer

An engineer, an anti-vaxxer, and others were walking through the woods when they came upon a crocodile infested river.

The anti-vaxxer asked the engineer "What are the odds of us making it across that river safely?" The engineer took out his calculator and his tape measure, did a structural ...

Jesus saves!

Moses invests!

But only Buddha guarantees returns.

People don’t realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing

It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal

Don`t buy Colgate whitening substance.

It guarantees whiteness within 14 days. It was been 2 weeks and I am still asian...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a guy who was having chronic trouble getting an erection.

After weeks of frustration, he finally decides he is going to go see a doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and eventually makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says.

"The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deterioratin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hunter goes to a forest, owned by a friendly old man, to try and hunt a bear

The old man warns him: - If you don't succeed on your task, the bear will fuck you in the ass.- He ignores him, goes up to the bear's cave, holds his breath, aims and shoots the bear, missing. The bear goes behind the terrified hunter and fucks him in the ass. The hunter runs away, humiliated, and h...

I served an old man at the bar the other day.

He made me privy to a conversation he had just had with his wife. He asked her, "If I died, would you remarry?"

His wife replied, "Well...maybe, but no guarantees".

"You can't go through life lonely", he said. "I think you should. But would you live in our house together?"

"W...

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