How can you tell if being a suicide bomber really guarantees you blessings in the afterlife?

You have to C4 yourself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This farmer has a roster that screws every living creature in sight...

Farmer's neighbor wants to breed his chickens, but his rooster was eaten by a fox, so he goes and asks his neighbor for help.

"Hey Joe... So, I know your roster has quite a sex drive. How about you make some money and wear him out a bit? I need about 200 of my hens bred and will pay you well ...

The gyms must remain open

The Constitution guarantees freedom of the press

My toothpaste says it guarantees whiteness within two weeks..

Yet after two weeks I'm still asian

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What sexual position guarantees the ugliest baby?

Go ask your mother

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?

I1

Jesus saves!

Moses invests!

But only Buddha guarantees returns.

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I honestly don’t understand why the church is so against Harry Potter

Nothing guarantees you pre martial virginity more than talking about what animal you patronus would be and what your wand would be made of.

It is 1850 in California, where a group of miners are looking for gold.

Hundreds of miners flock to a local river and reserve their spots for mining.

Some manage to secure a spot on the river before the rush, and the spots are taken instantly. Ones that slept in are too late and have to move on to the next one. Some of them will never find gold, even the.miners i...

I served an old man at the bar the other day.

He made me privy to a conversation he had just had with his wife. He asked her, "If I died, would you remarry?"

His wife replied, "Well...maybe, but no guarantees".

"You can't go through life lonely", he said. "I think you should. But would you live in our house together?"

"W...

People don’t realize that vandalizing Trumps Hollywood Star is a bad thing

It guarantees him the newest and shiniest star on the walk. Art of the the Deal

Don`t buy Colgate whitening substance.

It guarantees whiteness within 14 days. It was been 2 weeks and I am still asian...

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There was a guy who was having chronic trouble getting an erection.

After weeks of frustration, he finally decides he is going to go see a doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and eventually makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she says.

"The bad news is that the muscles around your penis are deterioratin...

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