Collateral Jokes - 72 Hilarious Collateral Jokes

Woman visits a bank on downtown NYC...

...and asks for a short-term $10,000 loan. Banker asks her for collateral, and she hands him the keys to her Mercedes. She says she's going on a vacation, and will return the following week to repay the debt and retrieve her car.

Week later, she picks up the vehicle and pays back the loan, pl...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer.

She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title, a...

Girl, are you a Collateralized Debt Obligation?

Because a lot of rich people are trading you around and a few insiders have told me you're completely toxic.

A very wealthy man goes in a New Your bank and loans $10, leaving his Rolls Royce for collateral.

He then goes on a trip overseas, and returns a month later. He immediately goes to the bank, pays the $10 plus 5 cents interest, and turns to leave.

The president of the bank can't contain himself, and rushes up to the man to ask "Why did you borrow $10 when you're so rich? And why leave a ...

A frog goes into a bank...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is ...

A frog goes into a bank (long)

A frog walks into a bank and walks up to the teller. He says, “my name is Kermit Jagger and I’d like to take out a loan.” The teller says, “nice to meet you, I’m Patti, but I have to tell you, we don’t loan money to frogs.” Kermit says, “no it’s ok. I have collateral. Here is this priceless heirloom...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank, and approaches the teller. He sees the tellers name tag read Paddy Black and says

"I'd like to take out a loan, Mrs. Black"

"Certainly," says the teller, "how much would that be for?"

"One million dollars." replies the frog. "Don't worry, it's ok, I kn...

A frog walks into a bank.

The frog hops up on the counter of the nearest available teller and says "I want a loan."

Confused, the teller asks for the frog's name.

"My name is Kermit Jagger, son of Rolling Stone's legend Mick Jagger, and I want a loan" he says. "And what is **YOUR** name?"

"My name is Pat...

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So a frog walks into a bank.

So a frog walks into a bank and he goes to the front desk. He looks at the person at the front desk’s name tag, its says “Mrs. Patty Whack”

“Can I help you” she says.

“Yes I would like a loan” said the frog.

“A loan? What does a frog need a loan for “

“I would like to...

The loan officer

Once there was a loan officer named Patty Mack who worked at a large bank. One day, a frog hopped into the bank and asked to borrow some money. Ms. Mack thought she could get rid of him by asking for collateral.

The frog left, then a few hours later, hopped back in with a plastic figu...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog wearing a business suit walks into a bank and goes to stand in line to wait for a teller.

When it is his turn, he approaches the bank teller, whose name is Patricia Whack (don't laugh), and says "Hello, Miss, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I would like to take out a loan."

Miss W...

My Take on a Classic Joke:

One day, Kermit the Frog was a little short on cash, so he went to the bank to speak to a loan officer. When he got there, a woman extended her hand.

"Good afternoon, sir," she said. "My name is Patricia Wack. How may I help you today?"
Kermit replied, "Hi-ho, Patricia! I'm Kermit the F...

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A frog walked into a bank for a loan.

He took a number and when it was his turn walked up to the available teller. Noticing her name placard said Patricia Wack, he said “Hello Patricia, I demand a 10 thousand dollar loan for a new business venture.” Astonished at the circumstances she found herself in, the teller told the frog she would...

A frog goes into a bank

He hops up on the desk of the loan officer.
''Hi,'' he croaks.''What's your name?'

The loan officer says, ''My name is John Paddywack. May I help you?''

''Yeah,'' says the frog. ''I'd like to borrow some money.''

The loan officer finds this a little odd, but gets out a form....

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A frog walks into a bank...

And is greeted by Patricia Wack, the bank teller. He hops onto the counter, and asks to open a line of credit with their bank, requesting 150 thousand dollars.

Taken aback, Ms. Wack says "Well....uh...do you have collateral?" and very slowly and calmly, the frog pulls out a small porcelain p...

A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank

He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he’s eligible for a small business loan.

“Do you have any collateral?”, Patty asks.

“I do have this,” replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.

“I’m not sur...

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So, a frog walks into a bank...

A well dressed frog with a briefcase and dark shades walks into a bank and sits down at a desk. The clerk is a bit shocked to see a frog in a suit and tie but, being professional, asks the frog how me can help him.

"Umm, hello sir, My name is Patty, how can I help you today?"
"I ne...

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Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.

The loan officer was quite taken a back, and requested collateral.

"Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said.

The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safekeeping, and gave him $5,000.

Two weeks later, the man wal...

Special forces were sent to kill a president of the foreign country by any means necessary...

An hour after the special forces were sent out, the mission control hears.

"The president has been killed. Mission complete!"

Mission control congratulates them and asks how they did it.

"We dropped a nuke on him."

Mission control became frightened, regretting the "any me...

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan...

...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?"

"Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said.

"And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked.

"In 30 days."

"Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% ...

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan, and goes up to the teller and sees her little name tag, wich reads "Patricia wack" then the frog says "my name's Kermit jagger, son of mick jagger, and I'm looking for a loan of $30,000"

And the teller says "Wow, that's a lot, do you have anyth...

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

So there’s this frog.

He just got married, and he and his wife are looking to buy a house. The only problem is, he doesn't have any money in the bank :(

He and his wife realize that their only choice is to try to apply for a pretty big loan. The frog heads to the local bank, and meets with the loan officer - a lov...

Good old #162, the Frog Joke

Patricia Whack, a bank teller, was having an unusual day: a frog had appeared in front of her teller and asked in perfectly elocuted English, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to obtain some credits from your establishment, on consideration of this blue marble elephant as collateral."

Ms. Whack knew immed...

A dog wanted a loan for a new doghouse.

He picked up a valuable knick knack that he had sitting around and headed to the bank. Once there, he said that he wanted a loan, and was using the knick knack as collateral

The teller, named Patty Whack, looked at the knick knack and said that it wasn't valuable enough for the amount he wan...

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Blonde walks into a bank

A blonde walks into a bank in New York city, and talks to the bank's loan officer, asking for a loan.

Loan officer: "How much do you need to take a loan out for?"

Blonde: "Only $1000."

Loan officer: "Do you have collateral?"

The blonde pulls out the keys to a 2016 Ferrar...

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller

He sees from her nametag that the woman working at the counter is named 'Patricia Wack'.

"Hello Patricia." the frog says politely. "I'm here today because I'd like to borrow $200,000"

Patricia does a double-take, and looks at the frog incredulously.

"Y...

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A frog walks into a bank to apply for a loan

He addresses the teller by the name on her name badge and says "excuse me, Ms. Whack. I need a loan."

She says "Holy shit, a talking frog!"

"Actually my name is Kermit. And I need a loan."

"You're Kermit the frog?"

"No but I was named after him. My dad is Mick Jagger. He...

There was once a woman called Patricia Whack

She worked in a bank and generally dealt with secured loans. One day she calls for her next appointment when a frog hops into the room and sits on the chair opposite her. Confused, she asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes," says the frog "Kermit Jagger, I'm here for a loan, uh 100k please"
Patty is ta...

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

A frog goes into a bank

“What can I help you with?” asks the Teller.

“I’d like to apply for a loan” says the frog.

“Oh” says the Teller “you need to speak with our Loan Officer, Miss Whack”.

The Teller leads the frog to Miss Whacks office and, informs her that the frog wants to apply for a loan. “What ...

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A frog goes into a bank for sizable a personal loan.

He finds himself at the desk of a man with a name plate that reads "J. Paddywack: Sr. Loan Officer"

Paddywack says, "This is quite an amount you're asking for Mr..."

"Richards," the frog says, "My dad, Keith, said you'd be able to help me."

"Um...yes. Do you have any collateral?...

A frog goes to get a bank loan.

He hops up on the desk of Patricia Whack, one of the bank employees, and says, “I want to borrow $500,000.”

Patricia says, “Well that’s a lot!”

Frog says, “It’s okay, my dad’s Mick Jagger.”

“That’s nice,” Patricia answers, “but if you want to borrow that much, the bank needs som...

A talking frog walks into a bank

He walked to the counter and said to guy there, " Hello sir , I am here to ask for a loan from the bank."

The guy on the counter was astonished and said , " You are a frog , what the hell do you need the loan for ?"

The frog replied , " My father who was the member of the rolling sto...

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog walks into the bank and points at the nearest teller. "You! What's your name?"

"It's Patty," says the teller.

"Last name?"

"Whack. Can I help you?"

"Yeah," the frog says. "My dad is Keith Richards and you're gonna give me a loan. I need $3,000 before I leave to...

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Kermit the frog walks into a bank...

He wants to get a loan and so he speaks to the bank’s loan officer, Mr. Paddywack. Mr. Paddywack asks Kermit how much money he wants to borrow and what is the purpose of the loan. Kermit replies that he needs $5,000 to fix up his lilly pad and to do some other swamp maintenance. Mr. Paddywack is int...

An old Indian walks into a bank and asks for a $5000 loan.

Clerk: What are you going to do with the money?

Indian: I'm going to go into the city and sell my handmade jewelry.

Clerk: Do you have collateral?

Indian: What's collateral?

Clerk: Collateral is something of value that can cover the amount of the loan. For example, do you...

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A Cowboy from Ft. Worth, Texas walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer.

The Cowboy told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an international festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000 and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the old cowboy handed over...

A frog goes to the bank wanting to take out a loan...

...he goes up to the counter and starts talking to the clerk. Her name tag reads “Patricia Wack” so he says “ Mrs. Wack I would like to take out a line of $10,000.” Mrs. Wack looks at him skeptically and says “I’m going to need your name and account number as well as collateral for the loan.” The f...

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A Frog Walks into A Bank

Patricia (Patty) Mac worked as a loan officer for a bank. One day a frog walks into her office.

“How may I help you” Patricia asked.

The frog replied, “I would like to take out a $20,000 loan”.

“You, a frog, wants a loan”?

“Yes, please”.

Patty runs his credit ...

The Frog Who Wanted A Loan

“A frog came into a bank to obtain a loan. He spoke to the loan officer Mr. Paddywack. When Mr. Paddywack asked the frog what he had for loan collateral, the frog held out his hand. "What's that?" asked Mr. Paddywack, but the frog could not talk. So, Mr. Paddywack took the frog in to see the manager...

A frog walks into a bank

He’s greeted by the receptionist “good afternoon sir, welcome to first national bank, my name is Patty Zwack, how may I help you?”. “Hello Patty, I would like to apply for a loan” said the frog. “Well” said Patty “we usually require collateral, something valuable we can retain if you fail to repay t...

One day a frog grew tired of living on a lily pad.

He decided he wanted to get a house. So he went to the bank and asked if he could get a loan for a house. The banker said that he can have a loan if the frog can give some collateral. The frog had no idea what collateral was and asked what it is. The banker said that collateral is when you give the ...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan...

A frog goes to the bank to get a loan, walks up to the teller, sees her name tag and says politely "Hello Ms. Pattywack I would like to take out a loan." She asks him his name and he replies "Kermit McJagger". She then asks him if he has any collateral and he places a small elephant statue on the ta...

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.

Kermit the frog walks into a bank to request a loan.
He meets the loan officer whose name is Mr. Paddywack. Paddywack says what can I do for you Kermit?
Kermit says I'd like to get a loan for $20,000.
Well that's a lot of money Kermit. What kind of collateral do you have asks Paddywack....

A frog walked into a bank

..and sat down at the desk of a loan officer. She was a friendly-looking young woman with a name tag that said Patricia Whack.

"I'm looking to take out a personal loan of $5000," the frog said.

The loan officer stared at him skeptically. "Do you have anything to offer as collateral?"...

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A woman named Patty Black finally gets her dream job at the bank

She is told to handle loans, but to get the manager is the loan was strange or asking for an excessive amount of money. After an entire day of nobody approaching her, somebody asks for her attention. It takes her a while to realize, but it is a frog in a suit sitting on the chair in front of her boo...

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A frog wants to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and speaks to the teller about getting a loan. The teller, Mrs. Whack, brings him over to a desk where they can discuss.

"So, what will this loan be for?"

"It's to buy my father a new stereo. He's super into rock & roll."

"Not to be intrusive, but you...

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A frog walks into a bank looking to get a loan.

He walks up to the first teller available, Mrs Whack.
“Mrs Whack, I would like a loan”
“But you are a frog!?!”

“Yup, I just need a small loan though, I just want to buy my own lily pad.”

“Okay, well what is your name?”

“Kermit”

“You aren’t Kermit the fro...

Smart Blond Joke

A very wealthy blond woman enters a bank in Manhattan and requests to take out a small loan, which she intends to pay off in two weeks.

She foregoes some of the paperwork for financials, instead offering her brand new Bentley as collateral.

The bank manager approves the loan, takes ...

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The bastard frog love child of Mick Jagger

On a wild drunken night after one of his gigs, Mick Jagger gets involved in a really kinky and depraved orgy. Amongst the participants that crazy night was a party loving groupie frog called Freya.
A couple of months later, Freya noticed that one of her new little tadpoles was quite different t...

So this frog goes into this Bank

He walks up to the counter and says "I'd like to take out a loan". The bank teller, who's name is Patty, argues with him, saying; "I cant authorize that, you're a frog, you don't have any collateral we can claim against you in the event of you not paying us back". The frog says; "look Patty, my dad ...

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan...

He goes up to the lady behind the counter, and noticing her name tag, the frog says, "Hi, Mrs. Whack. I'd like to take out a loan."

She says "Well I don't know. We don't normally give out loans to frogs."

The frog says "Well, I want a loan."

She says "alright, well what's yo...

A frog wants to get a loan

He goes to a bank and there is a pig behind the front desk.

The pig introduces herself
“I’m Pattywack, how may I help you”

The frog asks for a loan and to use an action figure as collateral.

Pattywack explains that the action figure is not enough to be collateral.

Pat...

Bank Loan

A young girl, named Patricia Wack, starts a new job as a loan officer at the bank.

A frog walks in an asks her for a loan, she looks at him for a moment amazed that a frog could talk but proceeds professionally.

He needs five hundrded dollars for a new business venture and is willing...

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

He approaches the woman at the loan application desk and notes that her name tag reads: Patty Whack. The Frog says, "Excuse me, I'd like to apply for a loan." The woman, very surprised that a talking frog was in her bank immediately refuses, saying, "We only work with humans, no animals can get loan...

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My favorite Banking joke

One day a frog goes to the bank. You see he has this great idea for a company, and despite being from quite the wealthy family, he wants to get the loan himself. Something to prove himself and his worth, you know? So he steps on in to the bank and visits the loan officer, a Miss Paddywhack.

S...

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Frog joke

A frog goes into a bank in search of a loan. He approaches Patricia Wack who deals with the loans in this particular bank and says "Hi, I'd like a £10,000 loan as I am doing some home renovations". Patricia is a little bemused, as it is a frog asking for a loan, but she is a polite lady and so conti...

Frog gets a loan.

There once was a frog that belonged to Keith Richards. This frog went to the bank to get a loan. At the desk was a woman named Miss Pattywack. The frog says "I'd like to get a loan please". She replied "Well you're gonna need some form of collateral". The frog says "I don't have much, but what about...

A frog hopped into a bank...

...dressed in a tiny tuxedo and approached the desk of first loan officer he saw.

"Good afternoon, madam. I am Francis the frog and I'd like to take out a $5000 loan."

The loan officer sat stunned for a moment then shrugged and smiled, "I'm Patti Black and I'll be happy to assist you. ...

A frog walks into a bank...

to get a loan. He waits in line and when the teller calls him he walks up to do his thing.

"Hi, I'm Patty Black, what can I do for you today?" she asks.

He replies, "I'm here to get a loan."

"Well what do you have for collateral?"

"All I have is this antiq...

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A frog walks into a bank...

...and walks up to the teller, Pat E. Black.

"I'd like to take out a loan"

Pat asks the frog, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small insignificant trinket. "This is all I have"

Pat laughs. "We can't take that."

Th...

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I will be doing some themed jokes from now on. Theme 1: Business

A frog goes into the bank and asks the teller for a loan. The teller tells the frog to see Mr. Paddywack, the loan officer.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says, "What do you have for collateral? "
The frog pulls out of his pocket a solid silver elephant.
Mr. Paddywack looks at the e...

So Mick Jagger has a pet frog...

The frog decides he wants to buy a nice boat and sail the Caribbean, but he needs to take out a loan to pay for it. So he goes to the bank and talks to Ms. Paddiwack, the personal banker, about getting a loan. He explains that he is Mick Jagger's frog and all about the boat. Ms. Paddiwack asks him i...

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A frog walks into a bank

Heard this one on Norm MacDonald's show/podcast so he gets the credit. It's better delivered in live, but here it is:

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He walks over to the bank teller--her name's Whack (nametag says Whack).
Frog: "Yes, I'd like to get a loan."

Teller: "A loan...

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Two intelligence agencies and a law enforcement organisation enter a competition.

They are supposed to be tested who can capture a fugitive in the best way possible.
The first is the CIA. The organizers of the competition let a rabbit loose in a forest. The CIA enters and after 2 hours of complete silence they exit the forest with the rabbit in their hands.
Second enters t...

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A Frog walks into a bank

A Frog walks into a bank at 4:45 and goes over to Patricia Black the loan officer. Frog says " Hey Patty I need a loan". Patty says "You will need some kind of collateral". Frog reaches in and pulls out something from his pocket and shows it to Ms. Black. Patty looks at it and says "I don't know wha...

A Frog Walks Into A Bank

and approaches the teller who's name is John Paddywack.

"I would like to take out a loan for $100,000" the frog declares.

Mr. Paddywack looks at the frog and says "Since you don't have any credit with this bank you'll need a cosigner."

"No Problem" says the frog "My father is ...

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went ...

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A frog walks into a bank

A frog is looking to open up a new business, so he stops by his local bank to see about financing. His loan officer, Mrs. Paddywhack, is going through his financials.
"Do you have any collateral?" she asks. "We can't give you any money without something to secure the loan."
The frog pulls ...

A frog went to the bank to take out a mortgage.

He sat down with Patty Mack the banker, and began the negotiations.

His credit score wasn't bad, but when it came to the subject of collateral, he was a little unsure. Collectables and other odds and ends were all he had to offer.

Patty was not convinced. No car? No property? Littl...

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