When my son learned about prime numbers, he told me that the Pledge of Allegiance would be better if we added three more states

Because 53 is indivisible.

It’s the first day for a fraternity...

It’s the first day for a fraternity, and the dean is explaining the rules to the new pledges. He sternly advises them, “And I must warn you of the curfew for this semester. If I catch any of you in the women’s dorms past eight o'clock at night, it’s fifty dollars for the first time, a hundred dollar...

The Indian pledge starts as "All Indians are my brothers and sisters."

Funny how India and Alabama have so much in common.

If Donald Trump becomes president, he pledges to prohibit the sales of pre-grated cheese....

Apparently it's in a bid to make America grate again!



(*I'm sorry i'll leave now*)

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Three porn stars were getting drunk

And they started bragging to each other about their exploits


Porn star 1 said: “Girls, I’m easily the biggest whore in this bar. One time I fucked a soccer team. The whole team! Including the towel boy. And I did it by sneaking into the locker room, getting naked, and then just waiting fo...

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Four Jewish brothers left home for college...

Four Jewish brothers left home for college to become a lawyer, a doctor, a hedge fund operator, and a retailer. They all prospered. Some years later, chatting after a Channukah dinner, they discussed the gifts
that they were able to give to their elderly mother.

The first said, "I had a b...

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The Forest Incident

The animals of the forest are having a meeting. For months on end, there was one big party and the forest lookes like the end of spring break. Vomit everywhere, empty bottles and trash on every clearing.

They agreed that this can't go on and voted to go teatotal. The bear was elected sheriff...

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However...

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A priest and a rabbi were sitting in adjacent seats on an airplane.

After a while the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, “Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?”

The rabbi responded, “Yes, that is still one of our laws.”

The priest then asked, “Have you ever eaten pork?”

“Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptatio...

The minister needed money.

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute...

Secret of Grandpa

Secret of Grandpa
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge....

Clergy with terrible, terrible habits...

A Catholic priest, a Methodist pastor, a Baptist minister, and an Episcopalian rector were attending an ecumenical conference. After supper, they were relaxing in the hotel restaurant, talking. The Catholic priest said, "You know, it's great to get to know one
another's theology across sectaria...

Engineering

A doctor, a priest, and an engineer are out golfing one day. To their dismay, they are stuck behind a very very slow threesome of men who cannot hit the ball in the right direction no matter what they do. The doctor flags over the course owner and asks him why these guys are so terrible, and if it w...

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Sexy Nun

So one day a man in a business suit gets on the bus on his way to work. After sitting down, he notices the most beautiful woman he's ever seen in his entire life. Unfortunately, she's wearing a nun's habit. Unable to contain himself, he thinks "What have I got to lose?" and gets up and walks over to...

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the Steel Guitar Network - Church Bulletin Bloopers

Church Ladies With typewriters ...

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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