This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Warranty?

Julia walks past a pet store and sees a for sale sign in the window. *A frog that knows cunnilingus*, ***50 dollars***, it reads.

Intrigued, she buys the frog and heads home. She takes off her underwear and sits down in front of the frog. Nothing happens. She then calls the pet store to compl...

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ivan!

Ivan who?

I'van trying to reach you about your cars extended warranty.

I didn't get a warranty on my air conditioner,

But it would be cool if I did.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Governor Abbot wants to build a border wall with Mexico...

So, after a period of bidding, his team shortlists a few contractors and bring them for an interview with the Governor...


First, a Mexican contractor shows up:

\- Hi, I'm going to charge 1 million dollars for each mile of wall.
\- And how come it's going to be so cheap? ...

After hundreds of years of speculation, aliens have finally contacted earth. They prepare a simultaneous broadcast to all humans to give us their message:

*Hello people of Earth! We have been trying to reach you about your planet’s extended warranty*

On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call.

Moments later, he learned his auto warranty had expired.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

My Mom’s sister got Coronavirus so I bought her a new computer.

The warranty said it came with free “Aunty-virus” protection software.

What's the difference between a professional engineer and an amateur?

How quickly the product dies after the warranty period

An Inuit man walks into a pet store...

An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."

The Cuckoo Clock Mayhem

I was invited for dinner with my old friends.

I swore to my wife that I'd be back at midnight. She didn't believe me, but I still went there.

The meal was very tasty, time flied, my blood was already scarce compared to all of the alcohol and I was extremely drunk. At about 3 AM, I went...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"I've finally realized that I should never have given Timex my real email address when I filled out my warranty card," he complains to the bartender. "Now it looks like I'm on some sort of a watch list."

A telemarketer called me up 15 minutes ago on my cellphone (they call every fxxking day)

He said, "We have a vehicle warranty and have noticed that you are in need of one."

I said, "How do you know that I am in need of a warranty right now?"

He said, "Your previous warranty just recently lapsed and we need to make sure that you are continually covered."

I said, "I a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Computer idiots (Warning: Old)

Any time you feel dumb, don't worry. Check out the following excerpts from a "Wall Street Journal" article by Jim Carlton. Lots of people are dumber than you.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the many calls asking where the "Any" k...

A quality engineer married an average girl...

​After a tough life with her for two years, he ended with his patience​ ​and finally wrote a note to his father in law...​

​Your Product Not Meeting my requirements. .​

​The smart father in law replied..​

​Warranty Expired.... Manufacturer not responsible.​

How many geek squad geeks does it take to change out a lightbulb?

1. Just sign here on the new mortgage and turn in your old house. The new one comes with all new bulbs and they're all guaranteed for 3 years. Would you like the home warranty with that?

Dealing with Corporate Information Gathering

The other day, I was purchasing a television antenna in a major electronics store and was asked by the cashier for my name.

“Why,” I asked. ‘I don’t need a warranty.”

“I have to have it for our records,” explained the cashier.

Fed up with practice of companies gathering as mu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there's this boy, and he really loves tractors... [xpost from funny.]

He developed an exceptional love for tractors at quite a young age. He had grown up on a farm and his father was a farmer, his father's father was a farmer, and so on. He wanted nothing more than to, one day, buy his own tractor and take over his father's jobs on the farm. The boy maintains his obse...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.