UPJOKE
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I invited my erectile dysfunction support group over for a BBQ...

Nobody came.

Why aren't people allowed to bbq naked during hot, dry climates?

High risk of Bush fires.

What happened to the cannibal that showed up late for BBQ?

He got the cold shoulder.

Why do you never BBQ on your roof?

The steaks are too high!

My best friend went to prison because he kept stealing things from people's gardens. He was just released but my wife told me not to invite him to our BBQ next week.

I feel a bit bad. I hope he doesn't take a fence.

Why does BBQ sauce always win the race?

Because the other competitors are always plain Ketchup!

Nobody throws a BBQ as good as me

My record is 21 feet.

What kind of grill does a spider bbq on?

A Weber.

I heard they just opened a BBQ restaurant near the top of Mt. Everest

Careful though, the steaks are high.

What’s a librarians favorite thing to bring to a BBQ?

A shush kebab

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TIFU by causing a massive fight at our families Labor Day BBQ

Now, a bit of background for you all.
Every year, my grandparents invite the entire family over to their place for their annual Labor Day barbecue.
Very rarely, my cousin Samuel decides to come along, and usually only if he's that desperate for a free meal.
Everyone in my family talks mad s...

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I'm holding a charity BBQ for ppl who can't get an orgasm ..

If you can't cum, let me know

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A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the only redneck in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 10 foot man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million do...

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Why isn’t Hitler invited to any BBQ’s?

Because he burns the Franks.

Why is having a BBQ not popular in Italy?

Spaghetti keep falling through the grill

Did you see the BBQ competition in Denver?

It was really high steaks.

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Sex is like eating BBQ

If you don't get it all over you... you didn't do it right

Bob's first day in heaven:

God:... You're about to get your wings!

Bob:... Lemon pepper or BBQ ?

God:.... Get out.

A joke my 9 yr old told at a BBQ we had over the weekend. He brought down the house.

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry!

I went to a vegan BBQ

I thought the Vegan was overcooked

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What did the BBQ pit master do after a sexy lady walked by?

He applied his dry rub

What's the worst thing about going to a Vegan BBQ?

The screaming.

Went to a BBQ restaurant and ordered a 500g fillet from a female bovine.

It was a big miss steak.

Why didn't the cannibal BBQ his victim's feet at the picnic?

He wanted to enjoy his meal without the mesquite toes

How do you know when there's a vegetarian at your bbq?

They'll tell you.

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A man and his family have a pet duck

Most of the time, the duck stays near the little pond that lies in the corner of their property. Every now and then, the duck wanders around, and sometimes crosses the fence into the neighbor's land.

The neighbor, Mr. Wilson, is a bitter, mean old man who always yells at the children for lett...

I dropped my weed in the BBQ while BBQing

The steaks have never been higher.

This new bbq flavor air is nice

But I think I’d like to go back to original recipe now

Two vegans bump into eachother at a BBQ

"We must stop meating like this."

A regular guy walks into a really tall BBQ joint

The steaks were high

What do you call a BBQ pun?

A meataphor

What's a BBQ pit master's least favorite massage?

A dry rub.

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“Grizzly found causing mayhem at a BBQ”

First, he mauled dad in the back garden. Then he cooked up some burgers, urinated in the punch and downed the lot of it.


The newspaper headline read: “Bear grills, drinks his own piss”

I went to this vegetarian BBQ party.

They smoked weed.

BBQ joke (OC)

“Mmmmmmm. This all reminds me of Fred. His motto was, “Low and slow.”

“He was seriously into barbecue, huh?”

“No, unfortunately, he was a pilot “

If Fred Durst opened a BBQ restaurant, he'd probably call it...

LIMP BRISKET

A grill master wanted to load up the grill with more BBQ, but he was running low on hot coals ...

So, he decided not to brisket.

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A man is trying to decide which woman to marry...

He is picking out of three women. In order to test which one he should marry he gave each one of them $5000 to see what they would do.

The first woman spends her money on new clothes, lingerie, and a total makeover. She tells him she did it because she loves him so much and wants to look gre...

Red Car Day

Red car day - in Honor of my Dad

My dad died 7 years ago. He was a worker in a factory in NYC during the by-gone, post-war era when times were good and jobs were plenty. The guys he worked with were all good friends over the years and enjoyed harmless pranks against one another to pass the ti...

You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

An Australian Christmas

Australian Santa: What would you like for Christmas little girl?

Girl: A Barbie

**girl wakes up to find a Broil King BBQ under the tree**

How can you tell BBQ was smoked with dogwood?

Check the bark.

Two guys immigrate to Alabama

Two guys immigrate to Alabama and decide to have a small bet regarding which one of them can integrate better. They decide to meet in one year to decide the results.

After one year they meet up and the first guy goes: ''Every sunday I go to church and then Walmart. I only eat chicken, shrimps...

Why did the cow go to the BBQ restaurant?

She had her reputation at stake.

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A Medical Friend Just Sent Me This Lockdown Update

THE GOVERNMENT WILL BE LIFTING RESTRICTIONS IN PARKS AND BEACHES DURING THE EASTER BREAK.

The Government has announced today that, for the Easter break, certain groups are allowed to go to parks and Beaches and invite friends round for BBQ’s.

IMPORTANT- PLEASE READ

While the maj...

Yesterday I attended a cannibal dinner where the food was cooked only on one side.

It was quite a half-assed BBQ.

So I was walking through rural Georgia when...

...I passed a little lady with white hair and deep wrinkles sitting on her front porch who waved to me. I decided to amble up, say hello, and see if I could determine the secret to her longevity.

She told me her name was Ida and that she'd lived in this house her whole life, just as her par...

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A young boy is visiting his Grandpa for a weekend.

When the young boy arrives he is treated to a great barbeque dinner. Smoked ribs smothered in a homemade southern BBQ sauce, coleslaw, steak fries, and biscuits slathered in butter.

The next morning the boy comes down for a hearty breakfast of bacon, sausage, eggs, and fried potatoes. Before ...

A Navy man, a Army man and an Airforce man try to figure out who is the best soldier ...

Army man starts: "I once jumped out of an aircraft 30 feet above ground and ran 5 miles to our camp."

Navy man: "That's nothing. I once jumped out of an aircraft 60 feet above the ocean and swam 10 miles to our camp."

Airforce man: "I once flew an aircaft to our camp, landed it safely ...

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A priest and a rabbi are talking about their religions with one another. The priest leans over to the Rabbi and asks him if he’s ever eaten pork before....

The Rabbi says, “I’ve had it once.”

The priest says, “oh it’s fantastic, BBQ pulled pork is my favorite. You are really missing out.

The rabbi smirks and leans in and says to the priest, “well have you ever had sex before?”

Priest says,”yes I did once.”

Rabbi smiles an...

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Wrong size

Lady was trying on a dress.

Husband: “Your bum is as big as a BBQ pit!”

Later in bed, husband said, “Want to do it?”

Wife: “It’s a waste lighting up a BBQ pit for a small sausage.”

Religious traditions

Back in the 1950's a Catholic neighbourhood was settling down to eat their Friday night fish when they smelled a delicious steak wafting from the recently-purchased house nearby. The men of the neighbourhood looked and saw their new neighbour having a BBQ. They looked at their fish but remained stoi...

What do you get when you have barbie dolls standing in a line?

A barbie queue (BBQ)!
Also, I made a quick sketch on my iPad.
http://imgur.com/gallery/he4epJo/

I found the genesis to this joke as a text note in my Evernote this morning, after what seemed like a night of free flow beers. Feel free to downvote me to oblivion.

Did you hear about the new Vietnamese noodle / southern BBQ fusion restaurant?

It's called Pho-Q

When your SO asks Daddy for ketchup at the family BBQ.

And you BOTH grab it at the same time.

ME [a detective]: The victim has 2 puncture wounds on his neck. He was obviously bitten by a vampire.

######OTHER DETECTIVE [Holding up bloody BBQ fork]:
I think he was stabbed with this.

**ME [Pinching bridge of nose]:** Gary… why would a vampire use a BBQ fork?

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Jake and Dave on a camping trip (NSFW!)

Jake and Dave were on a camping trip. On the last day of their trip, they couldn't decide what to do. Jake wanted to go to the beach, Dave wanted to go hiking. So they split up for the day.

They met back up late at night at camp. Jake was like "Dude, my day was AWESOME! I went to the beach an...

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Coronavirus Pandemic, day 16

If anyone is still out there, I’m alive but struggling. Food is running low. Down to only 459 days worth. My hands are super sanitized and my butt is super clean. Down to 1599 rounds of ammo (dropped 1 round down the heat vent while doing daily inventory). Power still on, but for how long? Missing h...

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Sex is like pizza...

If you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you are doing.

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"If It Flies, Floats, or Fucks:

**It's cheaper to rent!"**

So I guess it's not really a *joke* as much as it is a saying, but I found it really funny. I was at a BBQ joint, and the owner was arguing with his wife, then came over and said this to a group of us. Hope you guys find it funny and it's acceptable for r/Jokes!

Today my dinner plans were foiled...

Potatoes on the BBQ

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Two firefighters save a mother cat from a tree.

The owner promises them the kittens once they grow big enough, and the firefighters happily accept. Half a year later, the kittens arrive and they bring great joy.

The next day, the two firefighters receive an emergency call stating that a barn is burning. The men rush there and learn that a ...

You know as long as you keep babies well fed they're usually pretty good...

But I like mine with a little BBQ sauce.

At work they gave us cookies to remember the Apollo 11 launch.

I can't wait for the Apollo 1 memorial BBQ!

Helping your neighbour South African Style

Hello, is this the South African Police?”
“Eish-Yes. What you want?”
“I’m calling to report my neighbour, Hendrik van der Merwe! He is hiding dagga (Cannabis) inside his firewood.”
“Eeeh-Yes…Thank you for your co-operasheen and informasheen in combating crime and violence, in our society su...

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Billy Bob applying for a job...

Billy Bob is applying for a job at this big company and after the preliminary interview, one of the HR managers tells him: "You know, we'd love to take you, Billy Bob, we really do, but there's so many people applying for this job and you don't have any experience and don't have much of an education...

The grandkids stayed over.....

The grandkids stayed over one weekend, so I (grandad) make breakfast for them ,
sausage, bacon, eggs & toast, the two girls want ketchup on theirs, the boy wants bbq sauce, I say, " kids have ketchup on breakfast but us men have brown sauce, that's a mans sauce"
Later that day I get a call...

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A man goes to the doctor

Man: Doc, my dick is orange.
Doctor: Please undress and I will have a look.
The man does as asked and the doctor does his examinations. However, after 15 minutes of tests the doctor gives up.
Doctor: I have no idea why your penis is orange. Perhaps I can learn more by your daily routine. Te...

How fast can Klingon's run?

About Warf speed.



My mom made this joke up last night at a bbq party. She likes to think she is funnier on holidays. Thanks, Mom.

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