There was a monk helping make breakfast for the monastery,

and remembered you dont have to use a spatula to flip pancakes. Next thing he knew it was out of the frying pan and onto the friar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a gassy vampire?

Flatula


I misheard somebody say spatula and thought they said this and now I can't stop laughing. It's so fucking bad..

I got into a bad fight with my girlfriend last night. It turned ugly because she thought I cheated, and I hadn't

We’re in the kitchen and she tries to hit me with a Spatula. I react pretty quickly but all I have is a dish to block it with; but it’s simply no match.

All hell breaks loose when she tried to go for the midsection with Knives. I got lucky and was defended with my well-placed Buckle. It’s ge...

An old man lay dying in his bed.

In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself ...

An old man was on his deathbed at home.

Suddenly, the aroma of his favorite cookies baking in the oven wafted up to him. My wife, still a doll! With all his might he pulled himself out of bed and walked shakily down the stairs. Wavering down the hallway and into the kitchen, he sees the first batch cooling on the counter.

He slowly...

Me: what time is it?

Tour Guide: 4:20

Me: how can you tell?

Tour Guide: See how high the sun is?

\[sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula\]

Which common kitchen tool would drink your blood if it could?

*Spatula*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irishman is on his deathbed...

Irishman is on his deathbed and he is laying there beckoning God to come take him soon for he has lived a long life. "Lord take me now!" He exclaims. As he is laying on his death bed he smells a familiar smell. "I know what that is! It is my Miss's oatmeal cookies. I would do anything for me miss's ...

What do you call a vampire who owns a restaurant?

Count Spatula

A man is on his deathbed and he smells chocolate chip cookies baking.

He thinks, "If I could have just one cookie, I could die a happy man." So he gets out of bed, crawls down the hall, and with his last ounce of strength, reaches up to take a fresh cookie. But his wife smacks his hand with a spatula.

He says, "Why did you do that?"

"They're f...

A man with a terminal illness has gone home to die.

he is laying in his bed and after making his peace with God and man he is ready to send his soul to the hereafter. As he is drawing what will be his last breath he catches a whiff of his favorite smell in all the world...fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. So summoning a super human strength he roll...

A joke fit for Viking Fest

Ole was on his death bed. The doctor had told Lena that he wouldn't last the night and he might as well die at home on his own bed. After a while, Ole's eyes flickered open and he sniffed the air and muttered "Lefsa. Oh, Lefsa." He worked his way to the edge of the bed and slipped to the floor. Sn...

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