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I was proven not guilty for allegedly stealing kitchen utensils, mostly colanders.

There were too many holes in the evidence

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I tried installing a calendar app but accidentally installed a colander .

It keeps draining my battery.

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What do you get when you yell into a colander?

A strained voice.

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Instead of yelling at my family I used to yell into a colander

All it did was strain my voice

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This new colander I bought is really heavy!

I'd better put it down before I strain something.

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I was told i could look at an eclipse with a colander.

I tried it and it just strained my eyes.

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Holey metal bowl, batman

For the last time, Robin, it's called a colander

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My friend tried to convince me his colander can be used as a bucket.

I said the idea just doesn't hold water.

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My local soup kitchen is looking for volunteers for their next Pasta Dinner..

I'll check my colander and set aside some thyme for it.

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I’m so busy with Covid and homeschool that I forgot to drain the kids mac & cheese.

Next time I'll set a Google Colander reminder...

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My new phone app...

I meant to download a calendar app for my phone, by my eyesight is so bad I downloaded a colander app... now my battery just keeps draining.

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Why did the colander take a day off?

It was feeling strained.

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I think my friend's new bowl is really a colander

He told me a long story about how he uses it for mixing, but it doesn't hold water.

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Girlfriend said last night "You treat our relationship like some kind of game!"

Which unfortunately cost her 12 points,a bonus chance and she has to wear the hat that looks like a colander til she rolls a double 6.

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How does a chef know what day it is?

He looks at the colander.

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What utensil in the kitchen is used to keep track of time?

A colander!

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When is pasta month?

I need to mark my colander.

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