Glaze Jokes

Man 2: Glazed her? Damn near kilned her.

"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he'... read more

420°, glaze it.

The wife gets up slowly looking startled but slightly excited. She wanders into the kitchen and comes back quickly with a beer and some food for her husband.

The man gulps down the beer and looks back to his wife “quick!” He says “get me another beer before it starts!” The man goes back to fl... read more

Now I have glaze all over my balls.

He heads over to the parking lot where he left his car, trying to remember which one was his.

A police officer was monitoring the lot and immediately noticed the stumbling man. The officer walked over to him, looked at the drunks' face and said "Pardon me, sir- your eyes appear to be bloodsho... read more

The guy responds, “Sir your eyes look a little glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?”

The "world's funniest joke" is a term used by Richard Wiseman of the University of Hertfordshire in 2002 to summarize one of the results of his research. For his experiment, named LaughLab, he created a website where people could rate and submit jokes. Purposes of the research included discovering t... read more

It called glazed and confused.

Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed

“I couldn’t help but notice your eyes are bloodshot, have you been drinking”

The man gets annoyed and says, “Well Officer, I notice your eyes are glazed over, have you been eating donuts?”

If you get pulled over and the cop says "Your eyes look glazed over” It is not wise to say "like your donuts?"

I’ll call it glazed and confused

A cop pulls over a guy. “Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?” “Gee, officer,” the man says, “Your eyes are awfully glazed-have you been eating doughnuts?”

I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.

I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.

“Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking”

“Well, your eyes are glazed h... read more

On an uncommonly hot day, when the car lost power and steam starting rolling out from under the hood. He called a local garage who sent a tow-truck to retrieve him.

Knowing he’d want to get on the road before dark he asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic replies, "Not sure, I’ll have to ... read more

420℉ Glaze it
Ok I'm leaving

...when asked about his accident by the presenter, he stated "Well me and nephew are both glazers you see, and one day my nephew, who is here with me tonight, was up a ladder holding onto this double glazed window that we were both installing, when it suddenly slipped from his grasp and sliced strai... read more

A few months later after coming home from a night out with his friends and with his buddy in tow, he arrived home to find his house on fire.

He immediately rushed inside took the deepest breath he could and inhaled all of the smoke, and all of the flames.

His now bewildered friend aske... read more

He said "You had 'glazed' all over your face. "

i'll call it 'glazed and confused'.

His mother has tried everything: gloves on his hands, bad-tasting glaze on his fingernails, rewards charts, etc., but somehow or another her son would always end up with his thumb back in his mouth.

Finally, after many exasperating months, the mother bursts out with, "Listen, son: Every time ... read more

So, this farmer went out and bought a new rooster as a stud rooster. Every day, the farmer watched the rooster go service all the hens, then the rooster would start in on the pigs, the sheep, the cows, it would mate with them all. The farmer always shook his head and said, "One of these days.. one o... read more