What do you do after you eat gravel?

Sheetrock. For those keeping track at home, yes I repurposed a sheet metal joke from a post on another sub a couple days ago but I worked in construction and this made more sense to me.

Bought a pet rock. It looked lonely so I bought another. I dunno how, but they started breeding. Months later there was gravel and stones everywhere. I couldn't take it anymore and had enough.

Threw it all in a canvas sack, weighed it down with a couple of puppies, and tossed it in the river.

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall

But it was his dumb asphalt

What did the sand say to the gravel when asked "How are you?"

I am FINE bro.

Lost: bucket of sand, silt, and gravel

Great sedimental value.



(I can't take credit. Read it in a university paper 20 years ago.)

I used to be embarrassed by my geology fetish.

I started off stroking gravel but now I'm feeling a little boulder.

What do you call a handful of gravel

A palm-o-granite!

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There was a man from New York that was driving his rig through the Midwest

It was about 1:00 am, and he was very tired, for he had been driving all day, so he tried to find a place to stop. He was in the middle of nowhere, and there were no motels, rest stops, or truck stops.
After what seemed like hours and hours of combing the road, he finds an abandoned house. It was...

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3 men are traveling at night in the country when their car breaks down.

They see a house and push the car into the gravel drive way.

One of men goes to the door and rings the door bell. A farmer and his daughter answer the door and the man explains the situation.

The farmer agrees to let the 3 of them stay in his barn overnight just as long as they don't ...

A farmer is in court, suing the trucking company whose truck injured him in an accident

He is on the stand, and the company's lawyer is questioning him, trying to disprove the merit of his claim.
"Mister Brown," the lawyer says, "did you not tell the responding officer, after the crash, that you were -and I quote- fine?"
"Well," says the farmer, "you see, I was driving my mule to...

A young man was showing off his sports car to his girlfriend.

She was thrilled at the speed.
"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes.Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over.

The naked gir...

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With school year nearing to the end elementary teacher asks her pupils

"I want you to bring a pebble for every *bad word* you say during holiday."

Time flies by fast and at the start of the new school year teacher takes kids out to the yard and asks:

"So, how many pebbles did you have to bring?"

Various kids replies with numbers like 5, 3, 12, etc....

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A man bought a horse whose previous owner had Tourette's [a campfire story--profanity warning]

Bear with me while I provide you with some more relevant details--the man first. His name was George. He was in the market for a fine horse, a quick horse, and one with stamina and perseverance. A horse to explore with.

The horse--The horse was absolutely ideal--he was young, he was fast, ...

A blonde is driving through the country

She had just recently dyed her hair brown and was moving out to a small rural community to start a fresh life living off the land.

As she is driving down a down an old gravel road she comes across a farmer moving his sheep across the road, he's almost done so she stops to let him finish. Look...

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[LONG] So a senator dies...

and is transported to the lobby of a hotel where he is greeted by a red skinned man, dressed in a sharp cut suit and a warm inviting smile.

"Welcome to Hell!" He exclaims, rushing the man out of the marble clad lobby. "Before you ask me who I am, I am the Devil and I am most pleased to announ...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar...

So these two pieces of Interstate highway are drinking at the bar. The first says "I'm I-10, baby! Atlantic to Pacific! Long and Strong. All day, traffic, truckers and they're flying along at ninty miles per hour. Cuz I'm the Best!" The other piece of highway snorts. "You got nothin! I'm I-95. Alway...

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Jimmy was recently transfered to a new school in the 3rd grade...

It's not because he was a bad students or anything, it's just that his father got a new job as a banker. In fact he was so excited to be in his new school, that the day before the first day of school, he asked his teacher what the students first homework assignment was so he start early. The teacher...

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The telephone rings in quiet suburban British home...

A woman answers "Hello" immediately she hears heavy breathing and fapping sounds. Then a mans voice says in a low creepy gravel tone " Uughhhh I bet you have a fat...hairy...smelly....CUNT!?"

To which she cheerfully replies "Yes! He's just watching telly now. Would you like to speak with him...

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Game Warden goes fishing [long]

This fellow got hired by the Conservation Department as a game warden. He just loved all things hunting and fishing, and being new in town, started asking around where the good fishing holes were. Finally he came to this little country bar, and asked the bartender. "Charlie catches more fish than...

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The Experienced logger

A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean. When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job.

He walks into the forestry company office and fills out an application as an 'Experienced' logger. It's his lucky day. ...

A foreman working on a construction site walks up to his only workers for the day...

They were an Irishman, Englishman and a Chinese.

The foreman walks up to the Irishman and tells him:

"I will be going out for a few hours to do some paperwork. In the meantime I want you to shovel this pile of gravel into the truck so it can be taken away when I get back."

He t...

A businessman decides to leave city life behind.

He had spent his entire career working late hours at a stressful job for bosses he hated and decides to give it all up. So he buys a large ranch in central Montana and spends his days raising livestock, maintaining fences, engrossing himself in his new setting. For a time he is content, but weeks pa...

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2 Drunks in a pick-up truck

Are parked on a gravel road when they see the Sheriff pull in behind them. The passenger starts to panic but the driver says "It's cool man, just chug your beer, rip off the label, stick it on your forehead, and stash the bottle under the seat." So the sheriff gets to the truck door and sees 2 drunk...

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An old mechanic friend helps a drunk. (Kinda long, sorry.)

I was talking to this grizzled old mechanic friend one time, he looked like an old version of Yosemite Sam. Had a cigarette hanging out of his mouth, sounded like an old cowboy, his big ol' handlebar mustache wiggling and twitching with every word. Suddenly he starts telling this story about how he ...

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Delivery

Disclaimer: Racist, but a black man told it to me, so I'm allowed to share.

There's a really kind-hearted delivery truck driver whose name is Steve. Steve has some good friends that he knows through work. One of his best friends is named Wally. Wally's wife had come down with pneumonia, so Wa...