The Naked Hippie

This joke is one i came up with to annoy my wife. She hates it lol.

A naked man walks into a tailor's shop. The tailor screams at him. "Hey, get out of my store! You can't come in here like that." The man replies, "awww, c'mon dude....cut me some slacks."


The end

It annoys me when Engineering students call themselves Engineers...

You don't hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

Things I do to annoy my wife...

1) Say 'bless yooou' in the same intonation as her 'Atchooo'

2) Sing "Little red corvette... the kind you find in a second-hand store"

3) Bring her an empty plate and say "Oh no, the pasta got too close to the anti-pasta!"

4) Leave a room, fart loudly, return as if nothing's h...

A man constantly annoys his wife by.....

...referring to her as "Mother of 5" in social situations. Whenever he introduces her or when they are leaving a party, as in "ok, "Mother of 5" time to go home"...one day she has had enough and when he called this out at the end of the church picnic she yelled back "Ok let me get my purse and we'll...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It really annoys me when people put swear words at the end of their joke just to make it funny.

Cunts.

A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns...

But I soon realized that toucan play at that game.

My dyslexia is a little unique. I often end up reading words backwards, without realising, and it annoys the hell out of people. I sit by my bed and pray every single night for it to go away, "maybe he'll fix it", I thought...

After all, God is a man's best friend.

What happens when you annoy a clock?

It gets ticked off.

It really annoys me when people say that Hitler did nothing wrong.

I mean, he lost the war

It annoys me when people don’t proliferate on reddit.

Proofread*

How do you annoy a Pink Floyd fan?

Play their music on shuffle

How do you inconspicuously annoy someone with a stupid joke?

I'm asking for a freind.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It really annoys me when Americans act like they cracked the secret of Nazi codes when they took the Enigma machine off U-751.

Whoops, wrong sub.

Friction annoys me.

It's such a drag.

THERAPIST: What's the problem with your marriage? WIFE: He replaces words with animal names just to annoy me

ME: I don't do it on porpoise

What's the difference between harass and annoy?

I have never had my finger in annoy.

How did the swordsman annoy r/jokes?

He feinted. (Sorry)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

When Americans annoys Russians .

There was a group of Americans camping in the wild forest , suddenly there was a black bear walking towards them so they ran away recklessly .

However they accidentally destroyed Russians' campsites when escaping from black bear, how could Russians let them go like this ? They caught up t...

How do you annoy a computer person with a problem?

Never mind, I figured it out.

My ex always used to annoy me by saying I have terrible aim for a hitman.

I miss her.

What kind of noise annoys an oyster?

A noisy noise annoys an oyster.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A wife came home early and...

One day, a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. Naturally, she was very upset.

“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me! I’m a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The slut double-standard

The 'slut' double-standard always kind of annoys me. If a woman sleeps with a bunch of dudes, she's a slut, but if a guy goes out and does the same thing, all of a sudden he's 'gay'.

Why do inquisitive peppers annoy people?

Because they get jalapeño business.

What do you say when Kanye West does something that annoys you?

Kanye not.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The last girl I dated reminded me a lot of a cat, she would annoy me for attention, but ignore me once I gave it to her...

...the difference is that I never woke up with her asshole in my face.

BE AFRAID IF YOU ANNOY THIS HUSBAND!!

A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the st...

At least he won't annoy his co-workers every week.

What did the mother and father camel name their baby born without a hump?

Humphrey!

A parrot gets in a bar

Do you guys have any peanuts?

\-no sorry we don't have some

The next day, the parrot gets in again

\-Do you guys have any peanuts ?

\-No we still don't

The next day

\-Do you guys have any peanuts ?

\-No we don't and if you come annoy me one more time ...

There are three kinds of people in the world

Those who are easy to annoy, and those who are not.

My wife said she'd like to have another baby...

I agreed. The one we have is really starting to annoy me.

My girlfriend got angry that I always pretended to be using walky talkies...

"it really annoys me" she said "this relationship is over"

"this relation ship is what? Over" I said. She hasn't spoke to me since.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

THE DOCTOR'S CONVENTION

There's a bunch of doctors gathered together at a doctor's convention one night. A male doctor notices a female doctor from across the room. The female doctor notices also and the next thing you know, they're sitting next to each other by the end of dinner.

​

After dinner, t...

What are the similarities between friends and trees?

You can cut them down when they annoy you.

Too far in...

A couple has been dating for a few months. For the most part it’s a perfect relationship. The only thing that annoys the girl is that the guy isn’t much of a risk taker. The only thing that annoys the guy is that the girl is making him wait before he takes the relationship to a physical level. In fa...

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I hate it when someone tries to talk to me when I'm taking a dump...

It annoys the shit out of me.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

100% Inappropriate. 100% Sexist. 100% Rude. 50% Funny.

1. Why did God create woman?
To carry semen from the bedroom to the toilet.
2. If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
The swallow
3. How do you annoy your girlfriend during sex?
Call her.
4. Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care....

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Too often we lose sight of life's simple pleasures

Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that Motherfucker upside the head!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Young jew comes to a rabbi

- "Rabbi, I need an advice"
- "What's the problem?"
- "I want to marry a woman"
- "So marry her"
- "But I don't love her"
- "So don't marry her"
- "But she is rich"
- "Then marry her"
- "But she is old"
- "Don't marry her"
- "But her father would make me his business pa...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I love eating during sex

..I don't care if it annoys the people in the restaurant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to buy a motorbike...

A man goes to buy a motorbike before meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time. He finds an amazing looking model and asks the dealer what the price is. The dealer replies 'It's only $1000, but there's a catch. It's not waterproof. When it rains, you have to rub vaseline over it or it will...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So the other day I was walking from the sports field with a bag of 100 tennis balls...

That's a big bag, but I managed to carry it. However, unbeknownst to me, it was dragging over the ground, and eventually caught on a sharp piece of kerb, and ripped open. All 100 tennis balls falling out, ending up everywhere. Really annoying. I had to get all of them back individually and only retr...

A woman finds 7000 dollars and 4 eggs hidden in the closet..

.. and she instantly goes after her husband to ask him what the hell is that doing there. The husband explains it:

"Well, honey, everytime you annoy me, I put an egg there."

"And what about the 7000 dollars?"

"That's because everytime I complete a dozen eggs, I sell them."

Grandma has golfers by the balls..

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic rubbish bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a £ 20 note fell out onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Madam, there are £20 notes falling out of that bag."...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today my daughter, she is 7, made me look like an ass at the store...

She was throwing a fit and it started to annoy me. I saw another child that was acting good and said, "look at that girl over there; she isn't misbehaving"

And without missing a beat, she says, "maybe she has better parents"

We were in check out, and several people laughed

So there's this new tampon...

So there's this new tampon in the store, and he's complaining about how he hates his job and wishes he was something better. His complaining starts to really annoy everyone when an older tampon walks up, slaps him, and looks him sternly in the eyes and says, "Suck it up."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I was talking to my SO about getting a motorcycle...

We have this argument about me either owning a gun I can shoot at a range for shits and giggles, or getting a motorcycle. She absolutely hates this idea of mine.

She replies, " it's not fair, what can I get that'll annoy the shit out of you?"

I said pregnant.

She was not happy

A father of three gets pulled over for speeding with his children in the car... [OC]

A father of three gets pulled over for speeding with his children in the car. He was only going over the speed limit by a few, and decides to think of a way to get out of this ticket. He realizes that maybe if he looks like he's having a hard enough day already, the cop will just send him on his way...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Traveling grandpa

A grandson once asks his grandpa:
- Grandpa, you always traveled so much. What place would you recommend me to travel to?
- Russia.
- What? Why Russia?
- Listen, it's awesome there. You walk into a store, you take whatever you want, and you don't have to pay. You walk down the st...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mike sat behind Sally... (long)

In religion class. Mike hated Sally and did anything he could to annoy her.

One day, Sally kept falling asleep in class. Mike thought this is a perfect time to start poking her in the ass with a needle he found. She decided to wait until the teacher asked her a question and then he would wake...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A king and a Queen have a big problem...

...they can't have kids! They decide to go to a local sorceress, and she tell them that they have to take the hair of a fox, the saliva of a dragon, and a chip of a mushroom rock, mix them together, and drink it, and they will have a baby. So, they did all those things, and it worked and they had a ...