UPJOKE
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You should never masticate in your bed...

You'll get crumb everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me (to a sentient piece of human shit): "Hey, what were you before you were shit?" Shit: "Well, before I was consumed, masticated, and digested, I was a beautiful French baguette." "Does it disappoint you, that you were once so beautiful but are now a piece of shit?

"Are you kidding? I was bread for this."

I have a serious problem of chewing with my mouth open when I eat anything...

...my family is always horrified when I masticate in public.

So I brought my girlfriend Emily to meet my parents over dinner...

...It smelled like a pretty good meal I was getting the table ready, you know, setting up plates and forks and all that stuff. We all sat down and got ready to eat and Emily asked if anyone wanted to pray before we started eating.

Now, none of us were religious, but me, not wanting to let he...

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