A French, a German and an Italian spy are captured one day. The captors grab the French spy, take him to the next room and tie his hands behind a chair. They then proceed to torture him for 2 hours before he finally cracks, answers all questions and gives up all of his secrets.

The captors then grab the German spy. They tie his hands behind the chair in the next room too and torture him for 4 hours before he finally cracks and tells them what they want to know.

They then grabbed the Italian spy. Once again, they tie his hands behind the chair and begin torturing.4 h...

A wise man once told me to never give up on my dreams.

That is why I keep sleeping.

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My girlfriend said to me "would you rather give up chocolate or blow jobs for the rest of your life?"

I said "definitely blowjobs, they hurt my jaw and throat after a while"

I always give up my seat to blind people on the bus

Anyways today I lost my job as a bus driver

I always had a hunch I should give up my cannibalism

But it was just my stomach talking

I had to give up being a Taxi Driver.

There was just too much talking behind my back.

I prayed for and was given a sign that I should give up drinking

It said STOP



It was under my bumper

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My wife said if this post gets 1000 upvotes she'll give up her anal virginity tonight!

Please don't. She's out of town on business until Tuesday.

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Ok r/askreddit if you had to give up video games or blow jobs for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Edit: Yea guys I'd pick blow jobs too, they hurt my jaw

Did you hear that Diana had to give up her lifelong dream of being a paleontologist because she developed a bad back from all the bending over to study bones?

Yeah, Diana sore.

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A friend of mine realized that he had to give up coke, drinking and fucking dirty hookers every day

During this time of abstinence, his physical health improved a lot. He put on some healthy weight and even some muscles. However, mentally he got really depressed, a total wreck. He was especially sad over his new sex life.

Long story short, now he's back at it again; drinking, taking cocaine...

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I decided to give up masturbating

I haven't felt myself since

TIL the lead singer of Chumbawumba is married to a champion breakdancer. She had to give up dancing when she fell pregnant but, only three months after giving birth, successfully defended her title at the World Championship.

She got knocked up, but she got down again.

Hippo was a great motivational speaker. Hippo taught that you must never give up. Hippo didn’t follow his own advice.

Hippo Quit

I had to give up my tap-dancing career.....

I kept slipping and landing in the sink.

At the end of the year I'm just gonna give up and say

2021

Hi everyone, if you know someone who has animals to give up for adoption, tell them to contact me before Christmas.

I'm interested in:
Turkeys, chickens, snappers, bream, lobsters, prawns and lobsters.
Thanks

People are always asking “why give up everything to get into the dried fruit business?”

I have my raisins.

So I mentioned how my crush wanted me to give up beekeeping. I was holding one of them and she said "How can you hold that ugly creature?". I said I didn't think it was ugly.

I guess beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

I have to give up spreadsheets for forty days.

Excellent.

What do you call a guy who always refuses to give up his long “reading” sessions on the morning throne?

A Poo’er Aeternus

When Beethoven went deaf, his friends told him to give up composing

He didn't listen.

Today I decided to give up most of the internet and turned to Reddit for some positivity.

That’s it. That’s the joke.

[But legit Reddit is more positive than most of the rest of the internet. Despite our worst intentions.]

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My New Year Resolution is to give up sexual innuendos;

Which is going to be extremely hard...

After spending 20 minutes trying to take my girlfriend's bra off, I've decided to give up

I wish I'd never put it on now

A circus wants to change some things about one of it's acts to make it more modern, but they don't want to give up all of the originality

It's a balancing act.

I give up drinking this year

Oops I mean: I give up, drinking this year.

Every year since 2017, my New Year’s resolution is to not give up and continue to work on my novel.

Three years later and I’ve almost finished reading it!

I’m trying to set the world record for counting from 0 to 1 in the fastest time. I will never give up, even if I can’t ever see and end in sight.

Currently on 0.876278134

Why did the cattle rancher give up his small cannabis farm?

The steaks were getting too high.

Next year I'll give up spreadsheets for 40 days and 40 nights...

It's going to be Excel Lent

I tried to give up friction cold turkey....

But I just couldn't stop.

A confused young man was in a difficult situation. He couldn't decide whether to marry Kathryn or Edith. Even though he tried as hard as he could, he was unable to make up his mind. Not willing to give up either, he strung them along for far too long.

This indecision continued until both young women got tired of the situation and left him for good.


Moral of the story: You can't have your Kate and Edith too.

If you're using public transport never give up your seat

If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady...
That's how I lost my job as a bus drive

A woman was forced to give up her twins at birth

One of the boys goes to a family in Mexico and is named Juan. The other boy goes to a family in Africa, and is named Jamal.

Years later after the boys are grown her and her husband end up getting in contact with them. The couple is ecstatic! After a few letters have been exchanged the woman ...

Why did the astronaut give up on going to Mars?

Because there's no longer any Opportunity there.

If you fail once, don’t give up...

Try two more times so that you failure is statistically significant.

I had to give up my job as the triangle player in a reggae band

It was just one ting after another

My friend just became an American citizen, but he was forced to give up his Chinese citizenship.

It’s been a real disorienting experience for him.

I had to give up on my idea to create the world’s smallest flamethrower.

It was burning a hole in my pocket.

China: "We give up, Donald. What'll it take to end the Trade War?

Trump: "You'll have to move all of your factories to the US."

China: "We can't do that."

Trump: "That's too bad, because it's my way or the Huawei."

I’ll give up my thesaurus...

when you pry it from my frosty, frozen, lifeless, stiff extremities.

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As an ultimate test of his will power, a man decided to give up sex for Lent.

Although not thrilled with the idea, his wife agreed to support him
in this effort. The first few weeks weren't too difficult. Things got
tougher during the next couple of weeks, so the wife wore her dowdiest night clothes and chewed on garlic before going to bed. The last couple of weeks wer...

After hearing about the boycott, I've decided to give up eating Chick-Fil-A

...but only on Sundays.

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I’ve been trying to give up cursing for Lent.

Let’s just say that, so far, it’s been a fucking disaster.

Everyone keeps telling me to give up smoking

But my parents taught me at a young age never to give up

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I'm trying to give up Viagra and improve my double entendres.....

But it's not easy

My wife told me I had to give up drinking

So I joined the AA.
Unfortunately, I joined the Automobile Association by mistake.
At least either way I'm on the road to recovery.

I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

My girlfriend asked if I was sad that I had to give up my bird collection...

I told her I have no egrets.

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New year's resolution - give up smoking and wanking.

It'll be tough because since I was 14, I've been a 40-a-day guy. I smoke a fair bit too.

If I start watching TV, I can give up smoking.

But I rather have lung cancer than brain cancer.

I love quadratic equations so much I would give up my first born child for it

and that’s not a hyperbola

Why did the French Hen give up her job?

One day she'd just had un œuf.

When you love someone, you give up everything for them.

Hope....sanity...freedom.

My New Year's resolution is to give up club sandwiches.

But I don't think I can give up cold turkey.

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What made Sean Connery give up being a Mall Santa so fast?

He started off by saying "Shit on my lap, laddy"

A young man proposes marriage to his sweetheart. The girl replies, "If I marry you, will you promise to give up smoking?" ...

"Yes, I will," came the reply.
"And drinking?"
"I will give up drinking as well."
"And going to the club with your cronies?"
"Yes, I will."
"And what else will you give up for my sake?" she asked finally.
"I have already given up the idea of marrying you."

Why did the calendar give up on life?

Because he felt his days were numbered.

Why did the Chemist give up a singing career?

He could not hit any of the ketones.

dwights farm as suffered a massive blight, almost bankrupt he was signed for a massive record deal on the condition he give up farming

turns out all he had to do was drop those sick beets

Why did the piece of Toast give up?

Because it was French Toast.

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