Get Away Jokes - 40 Hilarious Get Away Jokes

How did the hacker get away from the police?

He ransomware.

How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?

I think they just ransomware.

How do dwarves get away with crimes?

through forgery

How do you get away with murder?

Become a cop first.

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A guy moves to Alaska to get away from it all.....

After 6 months of isolation, he is starting to get lonely. On Dec 26th, there is a knock of the door for the first time. He opens the door to find a large middle aged man with a big beard and plaid shirt.

"I'm your neighbor from 11 miles down the road. I'm having a New Years Eve party and ...

Why could Will Smith never get away with murder?

First thing they look for at a crime scene is fresh prints.

They say you can’t get away with murder..

Well I know two people who McCann

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How to cheat on a blonde and get away with it.

A blonde woman suspects her husband is cheating on her so she buys a handgun and goes home early. Sure enough, she catches him in bed with another woman. The blonde fumbles in her purse and pulls out the gun. At first, she points the gun at her husband but out of distraught, she turns the gun on her...

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Why do men seem to get away with their sexual promiscuity so much more than women do?

Men's underwear covers their asses

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How to get away with speeding

An older woman gets pulled over for speeding...

**Older Woman:** Is there a problem, officer?

**Officer:** Ma'am, you were speeding.

**Older Woman:** Oh, I see.

**Officer:** Can I see your license, please?

**Older Woman:** I'd give it to you but I don't have one....

I asked our security specialist, “How did the hackers get away?”

Miffed, he shrugged and answered, “No idea. They ransomware.”

Why did the Penguin get away with robbing the Gotham City Central Bank?

Because Batman doesn’t go downtown.

Why did the fun guy tell everyone to get away from him?

Because they weren't leaving him mushroom to move around.

I went to a scenic overlook to get away from it all.

I got too close to the edge, and then it all went downhill from there.

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Only certain professionals can get away saying these

Doctor : Please take off your clothes...!!!

Dentist : Now open wide and hold still...!!!

Veterinarian : How's your pretty pussy...!!!

Gardener : Want me to fertilize your bush...???

Lawyer : Let's go over section 69...!!!

Banker : If you withdraw too early you lose...

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A tired man decides he needs to get away from it all

He quits his job, packs up his belongings, and flees to a remote region of Siberia.

After days of hiking through the cold, he stumbles upon a small tribe entirely comprised of men.

“A visitor has found our humble community!” the tribe’s leader announces. “Come, join us brother!” The wh...

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What porn do Saudis get away with?

Camel toes.

I managed to slap Trump in the face, but didn't get away...

..they caught me orange handed.

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How to trash talk but get away with it

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! \*Walks away\*

Why will Trump get away with treason?

They can't hang him because of the fake noose.

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A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "Ive always wanted to have sex with a little person"

**The dwarf replied "Im sorry, but Ive had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up" "Its ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week" So, against his better judgement he goes back with the woman. They start having...

How do you kill someone in the medieval ages and get away with it?

Sneeze.

How do you get away from a NASCAR Driver?

You turn right.

I used to make bets with a cop that he’d never get away with assault.

He beat me every time.

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her.

Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle?

Girl: No.

Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me.

Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops.

Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me.

Girl: (Starts...

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A man goes to a cabin in the woods to get away for a while...

He hears a knock on the door after just barely unloading. A burly bearded man was outside.

Neighbor: Just wanted to welcome you to the woods and invite you over for a drink later.

City guy: Sure sounds great

Neighbor: There will be a lot of music

City guy: Sounds like fun...

A man robs a bank to get away from his wife...

As he sat on the steps of the bank waiting for the police to come he was relieved with thoughts of never having to see his wife again.

Later In the court room waiting for his ruling, he was excited to finally be somewhere far far away from her.

Seeing this the judge thought of the wor...

An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away....

A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers " I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.

Somehow it looks like Robert Kraft will get away with his little massage parlor incident...

This isn't the first time he got off...

How did the badge get away with murder?

He pinned it on someone else.

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What's something a man can get away with that a woman can't?

Having a penis.

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My mate broke his leg so I went to see him at home. I walked in and what do I see? He had two gorgeous older sisters, and they're TWINS ! I had never met them before, apparently they live at the uni and were visiting.

Anyway, so I went up to my friend's room, “How are you mate?”

“Yeah I’m okay. But do me a favour mate. Go fetch my socks from downstairs. My feet are freezing.” he tells me.

So I rushed downstairs and found his two sisters perched up on the couch, right where his socks lay.

I sa...

How does Google's self-driving car get away with a hit and run?

By deleting it's search history

Satan appeared before a small town congregation and everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away...

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman, who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure ain't." said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't y...

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A dirty joke told by 85yo grandpa to the whole family by memory

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at...

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage.

(Disclaimer: I believe this is OC because I heard it in Cantonese and I've translated it, so also, apologies for bad English)

A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife in it hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing the opposite way, back to each other,...

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A man came up to a beautiful woman walking on the street and offered her a proposition.

"I would pay $100 to bite your beautiful breasts"

"Ew, what kind of a woman do you think I am?! I won't let you see them, let alone bit them!"

"Ok, make it $500"

"No! Get away from me!"

"How about $1000?"

"I said, no!"

"$10,000, cash."

"Okay, fine!"...

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A woman is at her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.
It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf....

A man skipped church to go hunting...

A man skipped church to go hunting. While in the woods, he got chased by a bear and climbed a tree to get away. Unfortunately, the bear started climbing after him (as bears do). The man started to pray: "Lord, I know I should not have skipped church, but please make this a Christian bear!" Just the...

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A group of friends decide to get together and go on a hunting trip in Georgia to get away for a few days. The arrangements are made and a few days later they are being picked up by their guide 'Bubba' at the airport and off to the hills of Georgia they go.

Bubba decides to hold a little church call before they take off on the hunt: "Now you city boys be real careful with them thar guns and don't go shooting each other in the foot and don't shoot nothing till I tell ya its all right. Now listen up real good to this here, you see them bunch of Hound dog...

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